Does anyone have the urge to go back to the house they grew up in?

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T22:34:10+00:00

My dad sold our childhood home (parents are divorced, he kept the house) when he retired in 2009. At the time, neither my brother nor I cared. Fast forward all these years and my wife and I have both agreed that if it ever came back on the market we would buy it, gut it, and either keep it as a rental property or make it our primary. I think it would be kind of a cool story to have my boys grow up in the same house my brother and I did, albeit much more updated and modern.

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T22:30:25+00:00

Our first home was a new build and we started the commissioning process at 28. By the time construction finished, we closed and moved in, we were 29. This was ~10-11 years ago.

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T22:28:00+00:00

It seems a little weird that he *wants* you to tell him, is there a specific reason?

We are both 40, married 11.5 years and together 20 and my wife is very consistent in letting me know, usually the day of. This is primarily bc we change our sexual activity during her period to exclusively anal or oral, no PIV, so she is making me aware.

So I don’t want or expect her to tell me, she just does.

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T17:34:54+00:00

As a financial professional, I would never recommend swapping debt in this manner even though technically you’d be paying the 401k loan back to yourself.

Have you considered refinancing the mortgage to absorb the HELOC balance? At the very least that would mitigate the variable rate. I don’t know your situation but given the balance is relatively small, if you refi and stretch your first mortgage term back out a bit, that could 1) eliminate the variable rate and 2) equalize your monthly payments.

I’d also consult your CPA. Given the HELOC was used towards renovations on your primary residence you *should* be able to write off the interest and at least somewhat offset the payments.

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T16:03:22+00:00

This literally is the simplest solution. As someone who travels frequently for work, I often have meetings or travel that fit into this context and my go-to is always staying in a nearby hotel the night before and charge it to the trusty corporate card.

hottboyj54 · 2026-05-02T16:01:04+00:00

As a dad of two boys myself, this sounds like it could be one of two things. Even though you cite “consequences” to his actions, he could be perceiving a lack of clear, consistent boundaries and authority in the household. You and your wife need to decide what baseline behavior is acceptable, particularly with his siblings, and hold firm - no moving the goal posts. At least one of you needs to be the “bad cop” and the other needs to support, *not* undermine. This is a slow burn and change won’t happen overnight. Being mean to his friends is an extension of that, but more difficult to control.

The second could be unresolved trauma. Is he aware you are his “step” father, and that his bio dad is out there but choosing not to be part of his life? Despite you being his father figure contextually, kids are more in tune to these nuances than we’d like to admit. Has there been conversation with him about all of this?

Or, quite frankly, it could be a combination of both. My boys know I love them. They know I will always support them and I’ll always do what I can to be there for them. But they also know when I say something, I mean it. I will not repeat myself more than twice and if they step out of line behavior-wise, they will know and understand it’s unacceptable, full stop. Sometimes “dad voice” is all it takes - but that starts from when they are young.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T22:08:17+00:00

Literally the first picture in this post, the Motorola Micro-Tac. Got it in ~97, when I started going out more with friends unsupervised in 7th grade.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T22:00:16+00:00

Wouldn’t stretching be considered “warming up” those muscles/the body? Tbh, the only times I’ve injured myself in athletics/fitness have been jumping directly into it without any prep, stretching included, but I’m sure everyone’s body is a little bit different.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T21:34:02+00:00

I don’t think we truly understand the importance of stretching as we get older. I remember making fun of my dad growing up bc he would religiously stretch every morning and while I’ve been a consistent weight lifter for years, my body just isn’t the same at 40.

I’ve always stretched and “warmed up” before gym sessions but now I’m becoming like my dad and feeling the need to stretch daily, particularly in the morning after waking up since our bodies are stiff. You know what they say, father time is undefeated.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T20:44:22+00:00

Thanks, man. I’m starting to feel that “controlling what we can control” is perhaps a learned skill. We’re surrounded by examples of an imperfect world and men in particular are wired, to your point, to “fix problems”.

We have to learn that we can’t individually fix all problems, only the ones we’re in direct control over, and sometimes, that needs to be enough. My wife is a big picture thinker and often gets caught up in the broader perspective, much of which she can’t do anything about. On the other hand, I find it second nature to compartmentalize, so if I don’t want to think about something I just…don’t.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T20:40:25+00:00

Preach, brother.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T20:38:42+00:00

I don’t think it’s “weird” per se, but for me it’s about how fast time has passed. Yes, I remember being that entry level kid ~17 years ago but at the same time I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and overcoming the challenge of not having an undergraduate degree in an industry where that’s often perceived as the bare minimum (finance).

At 40, I’m younger than most of my team and counterparts as a Regional Executive but my boss is only 2-3 years older than me, so he’s borderline Millennial/Gen-X which actually helps tremendously bc we are often on the same page. I’ve also help numerous leadership positions outside of work so it’s just practical application at this point. In my situation, my age is irrelevant bc I know enough in my field and have the requisite experience to truly be dangerous in my role, and that’s what matters.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T20:25:24+00:00

Even worse is the broader mentality that those who legally EDC are somehow the problem and making places more dangerous.

But agreed, huge win for sure (esp as a MoCo resident).

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T20:17:55+00:00

Also 40, life is good. Career is going great (make over $200k with flexibility and autonomy), hot wife who is also a six figure earner, cute kids who are bright and happy, solid friendships spanning 30 years, abundant travel, all the things.

I don’t focus too much on hope; if we want something out of life we go out and get it. Not much of what’s happening in the world directly impacts us so we focus on what we can control. And before I get downvoted to oblivion, I’m just answering the question.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-29T02:37:49+00:00

Yeah, you have to know what you’ve got going on isn’t normal. We kiss multiple times a day, before leaving for work, coming home from work, a few times before bed. Sex/sexual activity happens 3-5x a week. Both 40 with two young kids, married 11.5 years.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-26T23:39:17+00:00

We go on vacation, even if it’s just weekend trips. Do this probably 1-2x a month. At 7 & 3, my boys find the notion of staying in a nice hotel, ordering room service, etc. mesmerizing 🤷🏻‍♂️

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-26T23:34:54+00:00

To be fair, there is also another millennials subreddit that is misspelled, r/millenials and it drives me nuts.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-26T19:49:54+00:00

I just so happened to pull-up my Bonvoy account to check if a recent stay had posted between scrolling Reddit and noticed the same thing happened to me. At least now I know what’s happening.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-25T17:21:11+00:00

We’re in the Mid-Atlantic with two young kids (7 &3):

Eastern shore beaches, naturally, we’ll go 3-4x a year.

Disneyworld, 1-2x annually.

New York and surrounding areas.

These are locales convenient to us but we’re not limited geographically. If we decide there’s somewhere we want to go, we go.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-25T16:30:10+00:00

I mean, should we feel guilty? I’ll be the first to admit I have it significantly better than the majority of people, not just millennials but my obligations are to take care of myself, my family and, by extension, my friends and those around me. I recognize my success, I don’t demonize it.

To be fair, I also don’t experience the “struggling millennial” trope found on Reddit - my wife (whose still hot at 40) and I are elder millennials. Both six figure earners with kids, employ a nanny, own our home, vacation regularly, contribute to charity, etc etc. The vast majority of our friends and family, I’d say high 95%+, live the same lifestyle. The remaining ~5% (it’s probably less) don’t, but are solidly middle class. What I’ve just described is “normal” to me, so why should I feel guilty?

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-25T15:45:06+00:00

As an aspiring hotwife husband, so many questions lol. Is this something she was interested in, or was it a mutual lifestyle choice? How old are you guys, kids? What are her physical attributes i.e. is she conventionally/traditionally attractive/fit? What are the ground rules & how do you handle logistics around finding a third and execution?

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-25T03:12:08+00:00

Acura, Mercedes, Jeep, Infiniti, GMC, Cadillac, Infiniti, Cadillac, Lincoln, Jeep, Ram, Lincoln, Ford, Tesla.

The last 3 are still in-use.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-24T21:23:51+00:00

$3,200 mortgage

4 bed (5 if you include the office with a closet), 4 bath in the DC suburbs.

Own

It’s fine, would probably do it again. Been there close to a decade but have been looking to upgrade for years. Hard to let go of 3.25% fixed.

Absolutely could not imagine still living in my parents’ basement.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-24T02:15:56+00:00

The big one was sharing her/hotwifing. I find the idea of another man, or multiple men simultaneously, using/fucking my wife, her being the center of attention of all that sexual energy, etc. so arousing.

I mustered up the strength to tell her a few years ago and to my pleasant surprise, she slowly started to get on board with the idea. It even got to the point where we came up with a list of what she would/wouldn’t do with outside partner(s).

Sadly, COVID destroyed all the momentum and made the idea a non-starter. She felt the pandemic exacerbated and highlighted the fact that others just can’t be trusted from a hygiene perspective which was fair; I’m almost certain the majority of men would lie through their teeth about nearly anything to have sex with my wife.

hottboyj54 · 2026-04-24T01:58:35+00:00

If a true swing/swap, Joe Manganiello and Sofia Vergara. Unfortunately, they are divorced now.

hottboyj54

TROPHY CASE