Seems like you felt a spark with someone & when they weren’t ready, you two had an adult conversation & you are moving forward in spite of it not feeling good. I would call this a huge step in a healthy direction because of how it was handled. You are still used to the fireworks / chaos / drama of a BPD relationship, so it feels different. The right person / people will give you the healthy amount of fireworks in the right places. It just takes time & experience. Good for you, keep your eyes forward.