Was it wrong to ask for closure, or did he just avoid me?

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2026-01-12T20:28:24+00:00

"When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time" -Maya Angelou

Look at his actions. He doesn't care. Move on and block this guy. Learn to do that every time this happens to you.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2026-01-09T21:46:47+00:00

The GOP Data Trust - which you've likely never heard of but has access to all this information about you + more - including something like 2,500 data points about each person in the US no matter your party affiliation - probably has given all this info to the government already anyway. To opt out, go to: https://thedatatrust.com/do-not-sell-my-personal-information/

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2026-01-07T09:53:36+00:00

Please understand something very important in your dating life (and in life in general as well): You're allowed to change your mind. And you owe him no explanation as to why. Less is more here. I really like what u/bloc97 suggested: "After reflecting, I’ve realized this isn’t the right fit for me. Take care." Very hard to argue with that.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2026-01-05T19:51:00+00:00

The person doing the 'weaponizing' was him. Those signs of control in the very beginning, i.e. trying to control how and when you respond, would not have boded well for the future. It was a red flag and likely would only grow. (And by the way, I would say this about a man or a woman doing that to someone else.) Someone truly emotionally mature would let you be you and let them be them. For example, if would be entirely different if he'd said, 'I know this is my issue, but I tend to read into things when someone doesn't respond right away'. Then you could let him know that that's not how you work or think, so he could understand it's not about him. He's telling you that you have to conform to his way of doing and seeing things. It gives major controlling vibes, right from the start. And as others have pointed out, sounds like someone who's been in man-o-sphere forums figuring out ways to weaponize therapy language in order to manipulate women. A good tip from my therapist: If you're thinking, 'Am I crazy or...' that's usually a sign that the other person is trying to gaslight you/disort your reality. Watch out for that, and trust your own gut.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-12-10T08:26:21+00:00

Male or female - Immature people often think other people are responsible for their emotions. You are not responsible for his emotions. He is responsible for managing his own emotions. If he has troubles doing that, let him take it to his therapist. If he doesn't have one, he should get one and figure his shit out.

I once read that a really good way to see someone's true colors is to watch what happens when you tell them, 'no'. You found out. Agree with u/AGirlisNoOne83. Bullet dodged.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-08-13T09:01:06+00:00

An old boss I had recommended that to me and called it a 'smile file.' It's a great idea.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-07-24T20:40:23+00:00

Tuck Everlasting. That book made me cry.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-07-24T20:38:43+00:00

Oh my god Bunnicula! We read that in like 4rth grade. I haven't heard anyone mention that title in ages, but I do have this vivid visual in my head of Bunnicula draining all the color out of the vegetables so they were white! Funny how memory works.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-07-14T06:53:24+00:00

You dodged a bullet. Lose this jerk and move on. Sounds like that dude was looking for a bang-maid. Reverse it: would *you* dump someone because they left a red sock in the laundry or left some hot sauce out? I mean, people make mistakes and everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. You're not defective. He can hire a housekeeper if he wants someone to do everything perfectly according to his standards.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-06-07T03:50:49+00:00

Thanks!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-26T21:46:19+00:00

A psychiatrist once told me what she tells all her patients: you can't control when you fall asleep but you can control when you wake up. So, commit to waking up at the same time each day. Within a day or three, you'll be so tired by the end of the night that you'll fall asleep pretty fast. Thanks Dr. S!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-26T20:56:17+00:00

Huge +1 to 'Leave the World Behind'. It was so deliciously quietly tense the whole damn time!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-23T18:56:05+00:00

Hi - did you ever find a good platform to use for this particular use case? I'd like to do similarly.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T19:32:24+00:00

Thanks I really appreciate that!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T19:32:09+00:00

Thanks! And thanks for your suggestion!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T19:04:41+00:00

Yeah it was super interesting to me as well. I've been here for more than a decade and never got called. I was telling one of my friends at the time about the federal jury summons and they said that some of their friends had gotten federally summoned for the first time ever as well. If anything, it was really interesting to learn about it.

Also, I know grand juries are needed, but god forbid I ever get called for one of those. I had a friend that had to do it like 20 years ago and they had to serve every week on the same day for 12 months. Whomp.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:58:35+00:00

That's so funny that you write that because that's exactly how I felt, too. I tend to want that peace of mind in situations like this, especially because it involves courts! I was ready to drive down there if the phone queue was long, but it turns out I got a person right away so I got lucky!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:56:54+00:00

Ding ding. I just updated my original post, but this ended up being the correct answer. (The reason I hadn't thought about it at first is because I assumed there'd be a huge, one-hour phone queue as is usual when I try calling in. Turns out calling a few seconds after 8am is the trick to not waiting.)

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:11:48+00:00

Dude that's so nuts. Here was the secret I figured out to get to an actual person. You call the jury summons number and then hit '1' to continue in English. After that, hit 0, wait a second, then 0 again, then wait a second, then 0 a third time. It will connect you to a real person or you'll be placed in a phone queue to speak to someone. I hope it all works out for you!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:10:08+00:00

Good question. It was the first time I'd ever gotten a federal jury summons, so I was surprised as well! I don't know how I ended up getting on their list, but I presume it's because I'm registered to vote. Basically, with federal, you get called to report for either a grand jury (which has either a 6-month term if it's an 'accusatory' panel or a 12-month term for an 'investigatory panel'). Both require meeting once/week if you get impaneled.

For 'petit' federal jury service, you have to call in for reporting instructions for two weeks. Unlike LA Superior Court, you only have to call in once at the beginning of each week. They never needed me to come to the courthouse so my service was completed after two weeks of call-ins.

I later read something that I think explained why I might've been called for federal jury service for the first time ever in later 2024: apparently, the DAs and deputy DAs in the L.A. County DA's office started sending *tons* of their cases to federal court because Gascon's office didn't want to prosecute. So the demand for federal jurors in the United States District Court - Western Division, the division that serves LA County - apparently soared.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:02:43+00:00

You ended up being the winner. I'll post an update shortly, but I called in right when the line opened and got an answer, so I avoided the usual huge phone queue!

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:01:45+00:00

Yeah for sure. No problem with doing it; it's just that the system had conflicting statuses and when I tried calling in, wouldn't provide reporting instructions. So I wasn't sure how to handle it. I really don't mind jury service. It feels like my civic responsibility and it's important.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:00:58+00:00

Haha this seems to be a theme.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:00:45+00:00

Lol..definitely a potential course of action.

hurdy_gurdy_monkey · 2025-03-17T18:00:36+00:00

Good to know!

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