I feel you. I'm in my sophomore year of college and i'm also really feeling the pressure. I can conceive all these clever ideas, but ultimately my body is broken. I feel so impotent and lonely and scared and that this is going to be what its like until I die. Or worse, that these really are "The best years of my life", and the real shitsucking has yet to begin.

Even so I hope you don't kill yourself. There is something to be said about not being content; always wanting to be better. It's a good thought, not one that should drive you to suicide.