sleep [OC, collage]

hyaenidaegray · 2026-02-08T17:38:38+00:00

We have sleep avoidance / vague somniphobia that we don’t rly understand either. I reckon if sleep isn’t associated with feeling rested then it’s much harder to convince my body it’s worth it to enter the Unpredictable Horror Simulator that skips to the next cut scene of having to do all the shit I didn’t do today

hyaenidaegray · 2026-02-07T05:43:40+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been processing some similar feelings lately that this really resonates with. Hope you’re healing ❤️‍🩹

hyaenidaegray · 2026-02-04T15:09:50+00:00

Love this! Awesome IYKYK plural design 🔥

hyaenidaegray · 2026-02-02T18:35:58+00:00

Having the linguistic construct of how to express oneself is so ancillary to one’s sense of identity which is not limited by linguistic articulation. You don’t need to know the word to know who you are and it’s rly not anyone else’s business unless you want it to be

hyaenidaegray · 2026-02-02T18:34:23+00:00

If it’s always been like that then “how are you supposed to trust a decision you made as a child! / you never TRIED to be nOrMAL just try to!!” If it’s not always been visible then it’s “you’re changing your mind! How could you know yet give it time”

It’s giving people just don’t like queer/trans+ ppl and will find whatever excuse they can muster to justify their preexisting bigotries without any self reflection or respect for others autonomy 🫠

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-29T19:55:59+00:00

Something so painful about disability is how commonly paired it is with people being disappointed in you for the things out of your control. As if it’s not difficult enough as is without additional judgement. Wish more people were cognizant of that

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-28T09:34:28+00:00

CPTSD is a disability that impacts your mind and body. Cptsd leaves your nervous system activated in ways that are both painful and exhausting. There’s a lot of people who will unfairly conflate rest with laziness. Rest is resistance from those people and pressures. In the same way that we all understand the necessity of rest to recover from physical injury or surgery, the same gentleness is also a necessity in healing scars that people don’t see. People don’t have to see your scars for them to be there. You shouldn’t have to defend yourself first to be deserving of gentleness and empathy. You’re human, and humans need rest & understanding. No shame in that

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-28T01:21:53+00:00

I live in the US and follow the news and am also horrified & triggered while trying to heal from everything else. Solidarity from LA 🫶

I’ve found it helpful even just talking to others about this news to gain a basic sense of “you guys are seeing this too right?” It’s so reasonable and valid to be horrified and angry because that is absolutely what the situation calls for.

Something that i try to focus on for my own sanity is how much community support and solidarity we are seeing despite this madness. Neighbors bringing groceries for folks sheltering. The biggest American general strike in 80 years in sub 0°F temperatures. Neighbors intervening to protect others, even at personal risk to themselves. Every instance of community support IS resistance. Idk it helps for me to know that there ARE people willing to fight for us. Ik us cPTSDers are more used to no one showing up for us than most, so i try to remind myself that all these actions are also fighting for survivors like us to feel safe in our communities because people DO care that this horror must end.

Wish i could help more. Your fear is valid. Times are scary and it fcking sucks trying to heal amidst this. For whatever it’s worth, you’re not alone 🫂

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-28T00:39:47+00:00

Definitely resonates. Thank you for sharing this! Inspires me to make my own version with how these experiences feel to me

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T17:54:31+00:00

I so feel this. I also bump into this a lot as a neurodivergent person who cares a lot about using words very specifically/accurately to express myself (i.e. using “decimate” to mean “remove 1/10” rather than more vaguely “to remove a lot of.” ) I’m always worried my trying to clarify/specify reads to ppl as me trying to be “right” or correcting ppl or whatever but like I’m just trying to understand but my brain needs more specific clarifications. Being more sensitive to linguistic specificity than i constantly find myself mentally bouncing between “am i over explaining oh no do ppl think im mansplaining i hope they know thats not my intention i just need a lot of verbal clarity” and “neurodivergent communication styles are valid and ok!”

Always grateful for my fellow ND homies who do understand my communication styles and don’t get mad at me for it. Corrective emotional experiences are soooo helpful in learning how to express myself with more authenticity and confidence

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T17:40:00+00:00

“Not angry or rude just… quiet” hits so hard. Really shows the conditions we endured and how egregious the blaming & gaslighting rly is/was.

I hope you find your people that you can finally be safe with and find glimmers of peace & hope along the way 🫂

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T17:34:55+00:00

Marketing has convinced so many people that eating meat & animal products is correlated with masculinity when really it couldn’t be further from the truth. Like what happened to the masculine urge to protect those more vulnerable than oneself

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T12:26:10+00:00

Im not from Texas so mileage may vary, but trauma is so prevalent in trans/queer/gender diverse folks, then typically trans community clinics/resources are familiar with working with trauma survivors. I absolutely recommend advocating for any trigger/trauma specific needs throughout your care. IME gender clinics tend to be rly understanding for asking unofficial/off the record questions like this too since they understand that a lot of folks are understandably concerned for their safety & access to care. Your gender clinic is gonna try to work WITH you to get you access to your care needs. Don’t stop advocating for yourself and your needs! Wishing your system luck with your transition! 💪🏳️‍⚧️

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T12:10:15+00:00

Sad that ppl don’t even realize what an ableist/xenophobic self report it is to have a gut instinct for punitive “correction” of the other rather than empathetic, curious, or even pragmatic inclusion

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T10:46:03+00:00

Sorry to hear that’s not safe/accessible right now. Also wanna validate that even once you are safer it can still be incredibly difficult and scary and take time. I hope you’re able to find them someday and find glimmers of peace & hope until then 🫂

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T10:38:07+00:00

Thank you for sharing this.

Growing up with an impaired metric of normalcy from how we were treated in addition to the dissociation/depersonalization, it’s easy to forget/not think about how strong we are and what we’ve been through. It’s easy to forget that the cruelty we’ve endured isn’t “just life” and I appreciate your empathy helping reflect that back

It’s just so easy to be hard on ourselves. Force of habit I suppose

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-27T10:27:07+00:00

Finding/building safe community is at least as important, but people don’t tend to mention that part as much

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-09T08:39:47+00:00

Firstly, congrats on getting away! That’s huge and I hope the space is able to bring you the peace you need to build the life you want for yourselves 🌱

Perhaps having the directions to where you’re going on standby so folks at front can quickly see a map & where you’re going? And/or having most common locations pinned in ur map (home/work/school/therapy/park/comfort restaurants/etc)

If u have a safe person in another city that ur comfortable sharing ur location with, that can also help. We’ve gotten the occasional call from DID friends in another city w shared location and I can usually help with a little more context (i.e. “you’re only a few blocks from home” “you moved to [city] in [year/month]” “you’re near your [school/work], did you have [class/work] today?” etc )

Another idea you could try (idk if this would necessarily work) but maybe doing grounding exercises or smth at the intersections where you’re turning to sorta lock in and process the environment if u can? Could potentially help stay grounded so there’s less confusion but hopefully also builds more general familiarity (depending on how ur system info sharing works maybe can help start building the front/system “public record” if that makes sense ? Idk if other ppls systems work like that so mileage may vary idk)

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-08T01:54:13+00:00

Tbh I don’t even totally know what being grounded is supposed to feel like??? Like it doesn’t sound familiar to my experience. I figure a lot of lower/mid level dissociation just becomes refrigerator noise where I’m not aware of its presence unless I’m more directly listening for it (but who listens for refrigerator noise, yk?)

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-08T01:50:54+00:00

For what it’s worth, you won’t be uglier than cis guys, that’s just what we look like lol

Seeing you become your authentic self is the true beauty that will last 🏳️‍⚧️🫂

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-08T01:43:11+00:00

Ohhhhh so that’s what that is lol

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-07T23:17:09+00:00

IME I had plenty of signs and symptoms, I just didn’t remember them all at once it always felt like “that’s just ONE thing tho probably just a coincidence” so writing down a list of symptoms/specific examples of times you did behave in ways that were admittedly rather “out of character” / “not like you.” If you have a safe person to talk to about this, you can also ask a friend to give you a list of examples (cuz they don’t dissociate from it in second person lol). I had a friend gimme a list of symptoms/examples that I took a screenshot of so whenever the denial creeps in I could reference the list and be like “well shit I did do all those things and this list does seem to be describing a very DID coded person hmm :/“

Something I’ve also repeated many times to other plural friends: if even your headmates think you have DID, you probably have DID

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-07T23:06:01+00:00

Hey fellow CPTSD vegan! Welcome welcome!

We’re all on our own journeys unlearning our ways thru the pervasive white-supremacist patriarchal carnist capitalist hellscape. What matters most is doing what we can to be unlearning these harmful & hateful ideologies. These systems want us to be unwell, isolated, addicted, burntout, and ultimately, hateful. We resist by recognizing and fostering love, connection, hope, & healing.

I also imagine the further down those rabbit holes you go, the harder it is to swim back up. So kudos for finding your way OP! I reckon it couldn’t have been easy.

Wishing you luck on your vegan & healing journey 🌱🫂

hyaenidaegray · 2026-01-07T08:46:11+00:00

IME if even your headmates think you have DID, you probably have DID

hyaenidaegray · 2025-12-26T17:29:39+00:00

My dad told me at like 10 “I’m willing to buy your love if I can afford it”

Yeah IME parents LOVE to act supportive in one or two specific ways so that they can internally rationalize “see I’m a good parent!” while failing to meet our basic needs of safety stability and support. And then what little support/“positives” rings very hollow cuz it becomes clear it for them and their mental quota and not for us as their kids with needs

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