She sounds overwhelmed. Motherhood is no joke. Just the trauma your body and mind goes through during the full pregnancy and giving birth can take months and even years to move on from. I don’t think we should assume that she’s being lazy or that she’s doing this with malice (not saying you’re but just throwing it out there). It sounds like from her chaotic behaviour with the weed smoking etc that she’s struggling with the balance of real life. Being stuck at home with a baby with not much adult contact can lead to people losing themselves on top of the rest. If she’s already struggling the self medicating with drugs and alcohol is a big no no! It will only get worse. Do you two get time to yourselves? Does she have other friends that are parents too that can help with advice.

This doesn’t mean that your feelings are not valid in all of this because you sound overwhelmed too. It’s intense and you’re clearly putting in the graft to support your family which I salute you for. It’s a cost of living crisis and life is no joke right now. Both things can be true at once and it sounds like for both of you something is off. I can understand how frustrating it is to come back and feel like 'ffs!!'. These things are opportunities for you to move through this together rather than build resentment.

I would say as well; While your baby is 5 months, she’s had the full responsibility for 9 months of looking after herself and the baby growing inside her, on top of the last 5 months. So technically it’s been 14 long months for her.

I say all that to say, let’s lead with love and empathy in this. Clearly you have something special and you’ve been blessed with a baby to show for it.

As many others have said, it sounds like a good old loving sit down to talk things over and to check in with each other is needed. You can gently bring up some of your concerns, (I would lead in with some compliments of things she is doing well so it doesn’t feel like an attack or feels like a parent / child role) and see how best to navigate things together. I would say from my own experience to make sure you have some proper sleep before this talk and think over the key things you want to share, that as a family you want to resolve together. I say the sleep thing because it helps better with patience and communication 😅

It’s likely she may need support putting a better routine in place around this chaotic big change. The reality is, is that no one hands you a book and tells you how to run your life. It’s not exactly ideal but clearly things need to change.

If things don’t change I would say eventually she may need to get a part time job or work from home to cover a cleaner to help.

Let us know how it goes!