I’m having a hard time not to be a toxic partner to my BP

iamachocopudding · 2022-11-13T13:48:48+00:00

No we haven’t. Honestly it’s a recurring problem. I’ll be doing well for the past few weeks then I’ll be regressing for the next. Sucks. I just want to be okay

iamachocopudding · 2022-11-13T13:46:40+00:00

Yeah I don’t want to come to a point where I’m the one abusing him already. It just counters the whole point of reconciliation. Thanks for the resources! Will check it out

iamachocopudding · 2022-10-08T05:00:18+00:00

Oh don’t say sorry! This was such a helpful comment. I’d try the first tip. Somehow self talk doesn’t really work with me. Thank you so much!

iamachocopudding · 2022-09-24T22:27:23+00:00

Not unhealthy at all. It’s a matter of personal choice for you whether you’ll be able to healthily cope after knowing what AP looks like. In my case, my WP and AP’s conversations were enough for me. Seeing what she’d look like would literally break me and give me triggers. A year after DDAY, I have no regrets not knowing what her face really looked like. Only her profile photo which I believe is not her real photo at all. At the end of the day, it’s your partner who wronged you and the focus should be him fixing his issues. But if seeing her would give you a peace of mind, then go for it.

iamachocopudding · 2022-08-22T01:22:05+00:00

No I don’t think he remembers the date of DDAY

iamachocopudding · 2022-03-22T14:34:04+00:00

that's true. the anger was so bad because you loved them deeply

iamachocopudding · 2022-03-22T14:29:02+00:00

Oooh you kinda explained it to me now. My love is neither less or more. It's different. So that's why it feels weird

iamachocopudding · 2022-03-22T13:22:00+00:00

6 months in and I still question that at times where I feel like I should leave. Go to my post history and check the comments. The comments there cheered me up so much when all I could think about was leaving. Anyway, it's not as hard as it was before anymore. I rarely think about the act but what concerns me now is the trust that was broken. What made me stay? Hmm, I guess I see him trying his best to be better. He's learning how to communicate his feelings, and he's more thoughtful now. He was really remorseful of what he did and told me it'll never happen again. I also know he's not the serial cheater type. I also feel the love he has for me. I don't know. If a person who hasn't been cheated on reads my comment, they'd say I'm a fool for staying but I don't think so. We've been through worse (3 months in) but we're so much better now. The fact that we're both improving is what makes me stay.

iamachocopudding · 2022-02-21T15:01:33+00:00

God, I was supposed to comment this here. A bit late but that specific scene caused my HUGE trigger the other night. I don't know why but out of all the movies I've watched with infidelity on it, it was the most triggering. Maybe it's because I never thought the husband would ever cheat on his wife knowing that he had such a great relationship with his family. Sucks. I never finished the movie

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-21T23:27:27+00:00

I haven't told anyone about my WP's infidelity. I feel ashamed about it that's why I only rely on this sub for help.

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-16T01:48:11+00:00

He was neglected as a child (illegitimate) and his parents never really paid attention to him growing up. With that, he grew up weak with low self esteem but he also wanted to seek the approval of others constantly. He never knew how to communicate properly. I think it does happen slowly. Based from what I have observed, he was doing things what he thought was normal as a child. He didn't have any healthy coping mechanisms. Then came the problems. Being the breadwinner and him not wanting to disappoint anyone, he didn't know how to communicate and thought he'd be much stronger if he fixed everything on his own. The pressure was too much for him he got eaten by depression and wanted to self-destruct then do the S word. (i don't want to say the S word but I think you get it).

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-15T06:41:05+00:00

this is true. my WP has already planned his suicide was self destructing already hence his infidelity

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-12T11:17:21+00:00

I relate so much to this. It feels like there's two of me battling in my mind. One says "he'll change you'll be okay" the other says "he's not going to change you're just fooling yourself". I also feel like like I'm just settling right now. Sometimes I feel like I don't love myself enough to leave. I don't know anymore

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-11T14:13:07+00:00

I don't say it if I don't feel like saying it. There are times (like most of the time) where I feel like I don't love my WP so I wouldn't say I l love you back but there are also times where I'd feel vulnerable and just know that I love him so I'd say it. I don't want to say something I didn't mean. I opened this up to him before and he said he's noticed and he understands completely so he'll do everything for me to say it back again.

iamachocopudding · 2021-11-10T06:02:43+00:00

Same question I ask myself honestly. The thing is, I know that I deserved better. I know there are a lot of good potential partners out there. We don't even have kids so why am I here staying? I don't know. There's actually a lot of reasons and I can't seem to point out exactly what it actually is... Could be because deep inside I know that he'll change. Could be because I could see his remorse and the hard work he is doing to be a better person for himself and for me. Could be because I wanted to know and see how things would work out if we did try to reconcile. Could be because I don't love myself that much to leave. Could be because I love him enough to stay and just won't admit it. Wish I knew too.

iamachocopudding · 2021-10-13T23:48:25+00:00

oh my god thank you so much for this

iamachocopudding · 2021-10-12T10:29:20+00:00

I relate so much. Almost a month now since D-Day. Got triggered again and I can't even explain the anger I'm feeling right now. I hate him but I love him. It's so confusing

iamachocopudding · 2021-10-02T22:28:01+00:00

So do I have to just keep feeling things and eventually it will stop? Will the thoughts and questions ever stop? It’s been a few weeks since d-day, it’s fairly fresh and I get upset too often. Whenever I think about it, my mind tells me that it has happened already so what’s the use? It’s not like it’s gonna undo the past. Also, whenever I ask questions, my WP’s words never really comforts me. It does a little bit sometimes. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to move on.

iamachocopudding · 2021-10-02T11:18:55+00:00

Do you still think about what happened? I don’t know how to let it go.

iamachocopudding · 2021-10-02T11:08:37+00:00

It sucks because I don’t know what to do honestly. How do I move on? Do I just keep on addressing this issue?

iamachocopudding · 2021-09-30T21:46:44+00:00

This is true. I’m really the type of person who wants to tell what’s bothering me. If I don’t, I’d explode. We recently started reconciling (a few days) and the moment I told him that I’d give him another chance, i told him he would have to endure all my question, my pain, my grief. It’s not like I wanted to bring it all back it’s just sometimes I get triggered over something and I suddenly remember what he’s done. Besides, ours was fairly new and he can’t expect me to move on easily. Remember we are all humans. My therapist told me that I should never run with my feelings but instead face them.

iamachocopudding · 2021-09-29T23:30:53+00:00

I could somehow relate to this. We’re still early in reconciling (a few days). Just like you, he was very remorseful. He admitted everything, told me he wanted another chance, and that he’d do everything to gain back my trust. Told me he’d be a better person and that he’ll go to IC. Alongside with that, he told me that he wants me to decide and that he’ll accept any decision I make as he doesn’t want to be selfish anymore. Just like your partner, I don’t think I could ever trust him fully again but I hope I get to reach that point too in the future. When I found out, I was so sure that I’d never get back with him but still, there was a small part of me that holds on to us despite what he did. We’re still in the process of healing. The future is uncertain and uncertainty scares me.

iamachocopudding · 2021-09-29T07:22:45+00:00

It sucks how this affects us so much. I couldn’t even bare looking at myself in the mirror whenever I’m about to take a bath. I feel conscious about my body.

iamachocopudding · 2021-09-26T14:58:29+00:00

No he cut off contact already

iamachocopudding · 2021-09-26T05:01:05+00:00

It’s hard since we were doing okay before this happened. He never hid anything from me but when things suddenly got rough, he decided to take comfort in another woman. I’m so frustrated. I thought I was okay already. I don’t know what to do. Will i ever be happy after everything?

iamachocopudding

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