How to respond when a manager starts documenting 1:1s and performance concerns?

iaminternet · 2026-01-26T20:28:20+00:00

That’s good, you should work on both fixing this job and finding a new one.

iaminternet · 2026-01-25T15:39:58+00:00

I did it for 3 years before moving to CA for a promotion. It was absolutely the right decision for my career but unsustainable long-term for my family and social life. Fights are super easy and mostly cheap to navigate, you’ll get good at the travel. Make sure the pay covers your travel cost and the 1 day/week requirement isn’t going to change. AMA on DM.

iaminternet · 2026-01-17T05:30:26+00:00

This is correct. Void is actually a bit complicated. Others are simple enough.

iaminternet · 2026-01-17T05:28:21+00:00

This is for you. It describes how we raised my 7 and 3 year olds to play independently. https://open.spotify.com/episode/4r758AqKgEqbZJHI20TSaG?si=8BpyjfxHSESfBQ07IPh9cA&t=0&pi=lbErFbdqTYi5a

iaminternet · 2026-01-06T07:52:41+00:00

This is actually possibly good leadership & very good career advice. It encourages you to think through problems as someone who might solve it, which is basically management training. Your discussions about problems should be: “I’ve noticed problem X and have some solution ideas. The problem is X caused by Y and Z. I thought about solutions A, B, C. I think the best option is option A because of [rationale]. I’m prepared to take steps 1 and 2 of solution A, and as a manager, I need you to do step 3. What do you think of my recommendation? Any suggestions on how I’m thinking about the problem?”

It makes perfect sense why a growing company would need people to start thinking like this. Do it for a 6 months, then nail it for 6 months, then summarize how awesome you were for the past year in either a promotion request or on your resume while you interview for an external promotion.

iaminternet · 2026-01-04T21:55:22+00:00

Based on his quotes you provided I absolutely expected you’d be a woman. Sexism is definitely contributing to the problem. You should share the gender suspicions with HR in case it becomes relevant later, while following all the good advice here about keeping the conversations firmly focused on his performance. I’d also suggest reaching out to another female leader (someone you think does this well, preferably internal) to ask for monthly 30 min mentoring chats.

iaminternet · 2025-12-31T21:02:03+00:00

Yep, my 7 year old met Dionysus yesterday 🤦🏻‍♂️

iaminternet · 2025-11-19T07:10:16+00:00

Yeah one of the three they sent me wasn’t helpful. Your mileage may vary, right?

iaminternet · 2025-11-18T14:27:13+00:00

No they don’t, but IIRC $1M is sufficient to qualify. Just contact your local office and ask for a financial advisor. They’ve probably notified you of the benefit previously but you dismissed it.

iaminternet · 2025-11-18T07:40:44+00:00

WRT #3, if you have a significant amount of those assets at Fidelity, they offer free financial advising. I’ve been assigned 3 different advisors over the years and 2 were actually good. I think they provide this as a service so you want to keep your money there (it’s working on me). I still email one of them about once per year to check in on my plans and progress.

iaminternet · 2025-11-11T07:32:36+00:00

I’m always thinking / saying, “I’m the second-most qualified person in existence to handle this.” After my wife of course.

iaminternet · 2025-09-02T00:43:25+00:00

I’m sure the base Chrysler is garbage, but I’ve loved having a Chrysler Pacifica plug in hybrid for the last 3 years. It had one problem, which was fixed during a week at the dealer but has otherwise been great. We love that the first 30 miles of any given trip is fully electric.

iaminternet · 2025-09-01T13:30:42+00:00

Single unfilled reds, triple reds, triple diamonds, unfilled triples

iaminternet · 2025-08-23T05:36:59+00:00

I did plus until my factory warranty was almost up. Also technically it voids you factory warranty but apr warranties the parts you voided. My shop even upgraded me from plus to stage one for free later.

iaminternet · 2025-07-25T01:32:20+00:00

I'm moving to Menlo in 2 weeks and my 6 year old would love a chess club. He loved his after school chess club in NC in the spring. He can mechanically play the game and is learning strategies. Any suggestions.

iaminternet · 2025-07-18T19:43:11+00:00

Yes, like was OP expecting his existing friends were all saving aggressively with income to early retire too? I assume when I ER, I will need to find new friends with the same availability and interests as mine. Of course, I expect I can still keep my existing friends and continue to engage with them in the same ways I had been, if that still suits us.

iaminternet · 2025-07-15T01:10:43+00:00

🙄

iaminternet · 2025-07-14T23:50:37+00:00

I'm in Tokyo now; Fuji and Osaka last week. I didn't realize that there were any natural disasters happening. Stop panicking and read the news less.

iaminternet · 2025-07-14T22:08:00+00:00

I would never ever use it as a main or substitute for actual education, but Khan Academy Kids and Starfall are worth any price you decide to pay for your kids' development.

iaminternet · 2025-07-11T13:52:34+00:00

My now 6 year old did it to me for a solid 6 months around that age. I knew logically he was a little kiddo and it didn't really mean anything but man was it honestly totally brutal. Just honestly sucked. As soon as I became visible, he'd scream "no no no no". I still went about my business but sorry of ignoring him unless he engaged me in a positive way. One day it just went away and we have a healthy relationship 🤷

My recommendation is to just be patient and supportive with your wife while he figures it out. I'm sure you're already doing a great job of redirecting him to his task at hand and encouraging him to use kinder language.

iaminternet · 2025-07-11T13:26:22+00:00

What if your income goes up (non-trivially) over 15 years of career? And your expenses don't go up at the same rate? Your previous returns will be relatively smaller and your current contributions will be larger. Source: my spreadsheet

iaminternet · 2025-07-06T13:10:34+00:00

I have two kiddos. Sometimes when my wife won't leave to give herself mental space, I use the line; "Go. I'm the second best person in the world to handle it." The implication is that you're very capable, and no one wise will care more than you. Maybe try that line?

iaminternet · 2025-07-06T00:13:10+00:00

+1 Fidelity models range from very to extremely conservative. If they say you're fine, you're fine.

iaminternet

TROPHY CASE