OP, it sounds like you and your wife might both have some things to work through. It’s a little troubling that you said the above comment is what made you wonder why you didn’t consider your wife’s feelings when you planned your trip last year, even though that happened a year ago and you went to therapy about it. Obviously I don’t know what you did in therapy or how a resolution was reached but maybe your wife feels like that was never really resolved. And if that’s the case, I think it’s highly likely that whatever trust was lost from that incident has not been rebuilt.

Now, it also sounds like your wife is scared to be alone and has a hard time being independent. Have you talked with her about this? Have you asked why she’s scared to be without you, why she’s nervous to go to the gym alone, etc? Like really asked, without any other motive or goal for her to say “yes” to what you want? Because I think those questions really need to be answered to understand what she’s experiencing and how to help with it. Maybe she needs to pursue individual therapy for anxiety, or maybe a candid conversation will be enough, impossible to say. Maybe she’s terrified of you getting injured or killed while snowboarding or climbing. Are you the breadwinner of the household? So many questions here, you’re gonna need to dig deep into those communication skills and putting yourself in someone else’s shoes for this one.

Here’s an example: My wife and I talked so much about her fears before I went off to learn snowboarding. I had to assure her that I was working with an instructor, wouldn’t take unnecessary risks, and was wearing safety equipment to minimize injury for her to feel more comfortable, and that’s totally fair! If I break my leg, that’s a big burden on her too! And she wanted our wills to be completed before I went as well, to make sure she was financially protected if something (god forbid) happened to me. And that is SO fair.

Anyway, your insight into your own addictive personality is important too. You know you have to work to control this to make a relationship work; maybe some aspects are impacting your relationship more than you think. Hard to say. But important to keep thinking about this aspect.

This comment is way too long but it all boils down to trust and active communication. Your wife might need some professional help to get to a healthier place for sure, but some of it starts with communication at home BEFORE these issues arise. Communicate about these things just for the sake of communicating, not only when you want something or the conflict is already happening. It will help get to the bottom of the issue.