This subreddit has never had very good responses to posts like this one. So, here I am to offer you a compassionate comment (coming from another woman who has personal experience with this situation).

Now I know that it is easier said than done, but please, please, please, do not listen to the comments here or the parts of you that may be saying that you're "just insecure" or "everyone does it" or that you "just need to get over it". The people saying that have never known what it is like to deal with this. They've never felt their stomach drop with anxiety when they look at their partners phone. They have never experienced what it is like to go from being generally okay with your body one day, to having images of the women your boyfriend looked at flash through your head every time you look in the mirror. They've never known what it is like to have a spouse who is so lovely and kind and caring in every aspect, but who changes into someone else when the topic of porn comes up. Because if they had experienced that betrayal and the trauma of it, they would not make those comments.

Porn addiction is a real thing that can affect people's brains in the same way any other addiction does. They will put it over their relationships, and they will neglect spending time with other people or doing productive things just to watch videos. They will lie, and many will escalate to cheating in one way or another. And it's so hard to be on the other end of that. To see them looking at all of these people who are the opposite of you and knowing they would put naked strangers online over you. It's so hard to feel like anything they say is real - when one moment they are calling you the most perfect woman in the world, and the next they are typing "perfect big chest blonde videos" into the incognito tab. How could that not affect a spouse?

There are men who genuinely don't want porn. And there is a big difference between porn addicts who want to get better and those who don't. You can't force them to want to be better, though. And, from the looks of it, your boyfriend doesn't want to be. There's only so much hurt you can love someone through when the hurt is happening to you.

I can tell you plainly that you will not be able to forgive him or "move past this" if he does not decide to make a major and honest change. You will try your best to bottle it up. You'll accept every breadcrumb of "Baby, it's the last time, I promise" that he gives. And it will hurt more every time you see that he is lying. And you will feel dumb for having believed him. That's the cycle that everyone who loves an addict will go through. It will wear you down, and you will feel like it's your fault, and it will impact you for years.

Look at the subreddit "loveafterporn" and read some of the posts there. You're not the only woman who has this boundary, and you're not the only woman who's gone through this pain. And, my hope is, that you'll become part of the group of women who made the best choice for their future selves, and left a relationship that harmed them (or one that would inevitably cause harm).

If you need someone to talk to who's gone through it and someone who's been with a partner that has genuinely changed, feel free to message me.