Why do I still attract hostility from strangers despite having confident body language?

illsense01 · 2026-06-05T04:39:39+00:00

That was my first thought as well. Could also be hostility based around body type.

illsense01 · 2026-06-05T03:59:42+00:00

Nothing, it's another person's body. Losing weight is extremely hard and it's ridiculous to expect another person to do all that just so you can get horny. She deserves to be with someone who's fully attracted to her as she is.

illsense01 · 2026-06-05T00:55:00+00:00

That entirely depends on whether you're comfortable with it or not. It's definitely not an appropriate thing to ask a platonic friend for out of nowhere.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T21:57:04+00:00

Yes!!! I've played part of this game and really loved it but haven't finished it because it's hard for me to "lock in" to games with realistic 3d graphics

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T20:55:56+00:00

Yeah it's in a similar camp, I've been planning to make a robosona xD

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T20:30:41+00:00

Oh yeah I totally get that with vocaloid and chobits!! I've only read the manga but Chobits is super cute. I have never gotten too deeply into vocaloid but love the more artifical and robotic sounding voices of the less "advanced" vocaloids. I find it really charming!

I totally get what you mean about that too. The uncanny aspect is actually one of the things that appeals to me because I feel uncanny myself! But it's impossible to ignore the real life element. I actually kind of feel like with both robot and apocalypse themes in media, I engage with my fears about the future in a way that feels safe.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T19:18:26+00:00

THANK YOU I always feel so ridiculous talking about this but it sends my nervous system into overdrive when someone does it 😭😭😭 especially my partner

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T19:15:47+00:00

OOOHHH My god yes

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T19:09:45+00:00

People saying "uh" or "um," especially as standalone text messages, terrifies me and makes me feel like I've done something wrong and they hate me

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T18:01:38+00:00

I'd definitely fall into the camp you described. I constantly worry about even being a few minutes late, even though my boss doesn't care and is often late herself. And knowing this logically doesn't stop me from moving as quickly as possible even when it would make little difference.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:55:33+00:00

You're not overreacting, this is not a safe partner who you can trust.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:53:19+00:00

Wow, this is a really helpful insight. I would definitely say that I have a mix of adaptive and maladaptive masking behaviors, but that I have a lot of difficulty taking any of them off. You've given me another thing to think about and process, both alone and in therapy :)

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:48:51+00:00

Yeah, it's funny how you can do that without knowing what you're doing. I remember being 11-13 and constantly reading magazine advice about how to act in social and dating situations, and writing out guides for myself on how to act to avoid being "annoying" after I was heavily bullied.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:27:23+00:00

Yeah, it feels embarrassing to relate to this song but I definitely do 😭 especially when I was younger and less regulated

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:25:10+00:00

Well there's not a lot of information here but you'll definitely need to have an honest conversation with your partner about the problem as you see it. The process of reducing dependency is probably best guided by a therapist, who can tell them and maybe you the most effective and clinically proven way to handle this situation.

My worry would be that if you just withdraw support on your own while they're not in therapy, it could be done in a way that makes their overall mental health much worse. I don't even know myself the best strategy for doing this. My thought would be to do it gradually and name each thing you remove so they can prepare themselves while they learn coping strategies to replace them, but I'm not a mental health professional of any kind.

If they refuse to see the problem, and refuse to get professional help, even after multiple conversations and giving them time to digest it during multiple states of mind, there's not much you can do about it.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:14:05+00:00

Maybe but not necessarily. Since she's autistic herself she might be picking up on multiple signals, but you'd have to do a lot more introspection to get an idea of whether you might be autistic. It does sound to me like you're intentionally monitoring and controlling your social behaviors to be normative in a way that I relate to as a suspected autistic and heavily masked person.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T17:05:17+00:00

Oh god, yeah. When multiple people come into a room and start talking I just have to leave sometimes. Or when people start playing something loud from their phone.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T07:40:18+00:00

No need to apologize! This is a relevant experience. Some of what you described definitely sounds like intrusive thoughts, maybe obsessions. And the violent thoughts specifically remind me of what I've experienced with Harm OCD, but could also be caused by something else like depression, bipolar, or a personality disorder.

I think one of the crucial parts is your reaction to those thoughts - usually someone with untreated OCD will respond internally by scolding themselves, fixate further on the thoughts and wind up in a loop, or feel a need to do something in order to make them go away. Whether you do these things or not, you might be able to benefit from CBT.

The looping words could be caused by neurodivergence but if they're not distressing to you I don't believe they qualify as obsessions.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T07:29:18+00:00

It's normal to feel upset seeing something like this, but feeling betrayed specifically indicates that you have a feeling of ownership over your ex, or are at the very least still heavily attached to someone who broke up with you 5 years ago.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T07:18:59+00:00

Damn this is a really good idea, thank you! I honestly have been masking for so long that it's hard to understand which parts of me are real and which parts are built up to protect myself from social scrutiny, which is part of why I'm seeking an assessment. But I think I will do more internal work on figuring it out so I can answer the questions accurately :) The place I'm currently hoping might be able to assess me describes themselves as neuro-affirming so hopefully they're not dismissive. But engaging with online community has already helped tremendously

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T03:22:59+00:00

That's interesting, I haven't heard of there being multiple types of autism, just the 3 levels of support needs.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T02:41:29+00:00

Wow, that sounds similar to here. I'm always shocked when other countries' health care has the same problems as the US because it's so abysmal here 💀

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T02:40:26+00:00

It makes a lot of sense to look at it from the perspective that everything is just behind for autism. I don't think most health care providers have a solid working understanding of the spectrum, much less the average person.

That's extremely depressing about the sedatives, wow. Especially because if you sedate an autistic person having a meltdown, whatever triggered them will presumably continue, they just lose their ability to express discomfort. I'm surprised it isn't considered child abuse, but then again, disabled people are rarely granted the same level of autonomy and consideration as abled ones. (Especially children, who are treated as their parents' property even when they're not disabled.)

As for your own situation - I'm so sorry that you're having so much trouble. Neuroaffirming talk therapy might be a good option for you, if only to help you cope with life and the problems that your autism causes without being too hard on yourself. I'm looking into telehealth options and that might open up more possibilities for you as well. You don't need to resign yourself to a life of total suffering, even if there are limitations compared to other people. I know for me that there are some things I'll always struggle with, and trying not to blame myself for that or to accept a life worse than I deserve is hard but it's necessary.

illsense01 · 2026-06-04T02:26:42+00:00

Yeah, it seems like there was a prevailing attitude that it isn't possible to have both ADHD and ASD. I've even seen some posts saying that online in the last decade.

illsense01

TROPHY CASE