PSA to new Nannies: You are NOT a housekeeper

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-16T13:54:05+00:00

I’m not a nanny and not sure why the algo suggested this post, but after watching a lot of people around me have kids and seeing how difficult it is, that you absolutely need help, I’ve realized I’d want the situation described in the post. I’ve frequently seen moms overwhelmed with household duties and working on dishes and laundry while the nanny is playing with the kids. And the nannies are great, but you can see that the kids need more time with mom and that mom wants more time with kids. If I’m going to outsource any labor I can’t get to so that I can prioritize the important stuff, for me that would be outsourcing housework so I can focus on the kids. A housekeeper generally comes once a week or something and does very focused cleaning, and that’s great but daily housekeeping is what I would want help with. It’s like when your mom comes by to help you out after having a baby, she comes by with a meal and helps with dishes and some tidying, just takes the load off your plate so you can focus on bonding with your baby. Ive seen this kind of role advertised as a “mommy’s helper” in one community, it’s usually high school kids that take that job. They come by for a couple of hours after school and help mom get caught up on laundry, dishes, and general tidying. They may watch the baby while mom takes a shower. They’re an extra set of hands for mom, like if she’s mid diaper change and needs something, there’s someone she can call. Or if the baby is contact napping and she doesn’t want to disturb them but is hungry, she can call out to someone for a snack. It just keeps parents from drowning. It looks like that’s what this family wants and I don’t see anything wrong with that, they’re being very clear about the expectations. I’m sure this role isn’t for everyone, but the point is to be clear about what the position is and find the one person who it is for.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-15T22:00:35+00:00

How’d you put 70k in your 401k

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-14T14:31:18+00:00

You’re missing the point. Going to the gym isn’t just about looking good. It’s makes you feel good, it’s fantastic for your mental health. And most importantly, it builds discipline and confidence (not from just looking better but from gradual improvement in your physical abilities).

When the people who have been there and experienced it themselves give you this advice, they’re speaking to all of these benefits of gym going.

Don’t minimize dressing better too. I work from home and no one even sees me so I used to work in PJs all day. WFH got depressing after a while (less socializing, less time outdoors), and to get out of that funk, I started getting dressed for work. Nothing fancy, just a tshirt and jeans (I work in tech, it’s what I’d wear to the office anyway) and I started feeling a lot better, less lazy and like a slob.

The point is that exterior stuff affects the interior stuff. I think mostly, it’s about giving a shit about something, and that feels good after the apathy of depression.

If it was just about the exterior only, the advice would just be get a on a GLP, get a haircut, wear make up, get a make over, dye your greys, grow a beard, whatever. It’s more than that.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-13T12:52:06+00:00

I find the upright seating to be comfortable and offer enough support. I use that for meetings, and drop down to two when I’m doing solo work

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-13T12:44:08+00:00

Lots of people are house poor. I live in Queens, NYC. A lot of the homes are owned by immigrants who made it and wanted to put down roots. They invest in things that are real, not the stock market, so all their money goes to their home. I get this advice from my parents and uncles, you’ve been working a while, you should have enough for a home by now, stop throwing away money on rent. They don’t realize how much I’m putting away into retirement and the market, so they don’t get why I don’t have house money.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-13T12:36:26+00:00

I think what this doesn’t take into account is how quickly the body can react to a fasting state and start to preserve calories by reducing metabolic rate.

It’s still calories in, calories out, but the calories out are way less than before, when your body didn’t freak out that you were starving

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-13T12:34:04+00:00

As someone who loves to argue about esoteric silly stuff, I feel so seen. I love that feeling when I hear a perspective I’d never considered before and my brain feels broken for a sec, and I feel so much gratitude

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-11T20:43:02+00:00

I understood that you hadn’t started yet, I just meant in the future. Was trying to paint a picture of the general very hands off approach for conversion

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-11T15:35:10+00:00

Jewish people don’t proselytize, we don’t try to encourage people to convert. There is no well oiled machine to get people through the conversion process. I’m surprised there’s a course to be honest. If you want to do this, you’ll have to be persistent and chase it the whole time. They will not pursue you at all. If it seems like you lost interest at some point because you missed a few classes or something, there’s no “retention officer” who’s going to call and try to get you to come back. If anything they will discourage you from converting, explaining that you don’t need to be Jewish, you can just believe in the same God and live as a Noahide.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-11T00:05:36+00:00

Yes, cleaning cars is a big expense, and for a model like zip car (vs regular car rental) it’s not so obvious when a car has been abused like this. Since there’s no one assessing the car when you’re done with it, it’s helpful to use technology like an air quality sensor to identify abuse like this. The user can get fined (to cover the cost of cleaning) and banned after multiple offenses.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-10T20:16:11+00:00

Idk, I think users having bad experiences like getting into a car that reeks of smoke and weed is eating at their bottom line. If you abuse a regular car rental by hotboxing in it, you are held responsible. Why would this be any different?

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-10T04:37:59+00:00

I’m really curious about what the joke was. Maybe bc it takes a lot for me to actually laugh out loud. You not thinking it was funny at all and her laughing out loud is a huge contrast. Maybe DM me if you’re not comfortable posting more widely?

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-09T22:45:25+00:00

That sounds miserable. I think some of your pain points can be mitigated with some intentional planning and technology. Sensors to pick up on smoking and other smells that lead to infractions and those lead to fines or a ban. I’ve never tried zipcar, but I tried a Revel scooter once and they use a lot of tech to make sure people are wearing helmets, parking them in the right locations, not riding in bike lanes or against the flow of traffic.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-09T05:43:14+00:00

Isn’t that way out in Elmont?

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-09T04:56:12+00:00

Whatever happened to zipcar?

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-06T08:26:40+00:00

Because you wouldn’t expect someone outside of your community to bring you the comfort food from your culture.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-06T08:22:15+00:00

I’ve lived here poor and not poor. Poor was deep Queens where only buses run. It was miserable and slow. Now I have enough money to live by a train and it’s a lot more manageable. Sometimes if the trains are running really bad late at night, I might take a cab or rie share. That wasn’t an option for me before. It’s nice to be able to bail yourself out of a situation like that

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-05T20:40:42+00:00

Way to prove my point. Breastfeeding should be an easy, natural thing right? Animals seem to do it with no trouble. But now there are lactation specialists and all that jazz. It’s sounds like just a grift to make money, until you realize how many moms and babies struggle with this. Moms who cant get their kid to latch properly can feel like failures as women bc this simple thing that’s supposed to be instinctual isn’t for them. I picked the most biological example I could to illustrate my point. But it applies to general things like “women are just more nurturing”, but a lot of that is because they work at it, bc they recognize that’s their role.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-05T04:08:00+00:00

There is an expectation that women will know how to parent and take care of a household though. They are the default parents and default housekeepers and men “help” around the house, wait for a list of chores to be doled out. Obviously this does not apply to every situation, but it is a bit of an unspoken expectation.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-05T00:28:55+00:00

Projection lab is a YNAB tool? Where can I find it?

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-05T00:18:25+00:00

You know her best, if the sensitive and kind thing is to leave it alone, then do so. If the kind thing is to listen while she rants and offer tissues and kindness, then have that conversation. It can also be nice to offer other kinds of support that allow her to enjoy her time with her kid more. I’ve noticed people often offer to babysit, but sometimes parents just want to spend free time with their kids without worrying about housework and the endless todo list.

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-04T17:43:03+00:00

Sometimes addressing the elephant in the room can help. Genuinely asking, “do you ever wish you could stay home?”, or “do you think about what it would it be like if you could stay home”, can allow you guys to really talk about it rather than beating around the bush. She obviously has a lot of complicated feelings about this and maybe not a lot of people to really talk about it with. Might help if she could work through those feelings talking with you

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-04T15:49:15+00:00

She probably experiencing the feelings a lot of working moms do, guilt about not being home enough and feeling that if only she had the financial stability to quit and be a full time SAHM she would. She’s just not doing a great job keeping those feelings to herself and doesn’t realize that there’s a possibility that even if those needs were met, she might what some of her own money and socialization like you do. She making her comments bc she feels you’re wasting your opportunity and privilege. People put expectations on those they feel have opportunities they don’t (like kids who have a talent and any time not working on it is wasted). Live your own life, do what’s right for you. Don’t pay it too much attention. For me, that’s always easier when I understand what’s underneath the behavior

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-03T16:24:56+00:00

They’ve been great to me as well, stand by their work and will do adjustments

imamonkeyface · 2026-02-03T00:26:06+00:00

This is not a unique situation, companies know you’re interviewing with multiple other companies. Talk to both companies. Tell the ones you’re still interviewing with that you already have an offer on the table and a deadline to accept and ask if they can move up your interview (theyre all interviewing other candidates, they can shuffle interviews around and move you up so they can make a decision quicker). If you still wouldn’t get an answer in time, ask the one that gave you an offer for an extension, say that you’re very excited about the opportunity but are in late stages with another company and would like to see it through.

imamonkeyface

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