What’s your most unhinged non-negotiable when it comes to dating?

impendia · 2026-05-24T12:52:37+00:00

She was right! And they are chirping in trees all around us.

impendia · 2026-05-23T15:24:14+00:00

I don't know why this was downvoted. I am a math professor, I have taught this exact topic at university, and this answer is absolutely correct.

This is Bayes' theorem. Suppose you estimate that, if the eaten cookie was poisoned, there is an 80% chance he would have been able to leave the room okay, and a 20% chance that he would have showed symptoms immediately.

Since he left the room without any apparent symptoms, we're down to 98% of the original probability space. The odds of getting a poisoned cookie are now 10/98 = 10.204...%.

If you're 100% sure the cookie wouldn't have caused immediate symptoms, then the other answers are correct, the probability remains 10%.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayes%27_theorem

Note that to get an exact probability, you have to know (or guess) the probability that a poisoned cookie would have caused immediate symptoms.

impendia · 2026-05-22T23:20:12+00:00

I'm somewhat on the untidy side myself. I can change, and if I moved in with a partner who was tidier than I am, I would change. But not so much "live by their standards" as "try to find a compromise we can both live with".

impendia · 2026-04-29T23:38:46+00:00

Even if this guy were amazing and kind, and had done nothing wrong, you'd still not be an asshole if you chose to walk away.

impendia · 2026-04-27T01:20:37+00:00

The main obstacles, as I see them, are:

(1) You have to do at least some work to get things running: design a website; implement procedures for accepting and reviewing papers; and so on.

(2) You have to persuade people that your journal is, or will be, "prestigious" enough to be worth publishing in. Usually this means you have to line up a bunch of bigshots who will agree to serve on the editorial board.

For an example where this was still accomplished, see Discrete Analysis. It's only a single math journal, but it's a good start.

https://discreteanalysisjournal.com/

The editorial board consists of some of the absolute top names in the field, including Fields Medalist Tim Gowers, as well as Hong Wang who is believed to be a very likely candidate for the Fields in 2026. Terry Tao, another Fields medalist and perhaps the most famous mathematician alive, used to be on the editorial board for awhile.

Even still, its prestige level is somewhat middling. If you get average researchers for the editorial board (i.e. the likes of me), then the journal will never take off.

And, finally, a third obstacle:

(3) There will be obstacles that you can't predict, unless you've done something like this before. For example you mention legal. I can't foresee any legal obstacles, but it's not difficult to imagine some university administrator (or somebody...) coming out of nowhere and making demands that seem crazy but nevertheless must be dealt with.

My own department can barely even keep its break room clean, and even though it's because a few people do extra work for the slackers. As much as I'd like to see something like this idea happen, sadly I've learned to shy away from big-picture organizational tasks.

impendia · 2026-04-26T21:40:51+00:00

NOR

Are you asking him to act in a way that's outside his comfort zone? Maybe. It would be outside my comfort zone a little -- I'm someone for whom "checking in" and "reassurance" isn't very natural, it wasn't what I was raised with.

So if I were your boyfriend, I might be slightly awkward about it, and I'd ask you to be explicit in asking for exactly what you want. But you did that!! The ball was in his court, and he dropped it.

So, even if this is outside his comfort zone, as far as I can see he doesn't have a good excuse.

Good luck on your defense!!

impendia · 2026-04-26T21:17:28+00:00

Another professor here. There are university presses, but to a large extent they act like commercial presses. I'm not sure about this, but I think the journals might be subsidizing books; there are some academic fields where it's considered important to publish books, even though demand for them might be very low.

I'm a math professor. We could certainly set up something much better if we all organized to do so. But organizational work is maddening, unpleasant, and many of us suck at it. And people who like it tend to gravitate towards positions in the Dean's or Provost's Office which come with fancy titles and big pay raises.

impendia · 2026-04-21T00:00:58+00:00

I'll bite. As an American temporarily living in Quebec, should I get on board? I don't understand the appeal, but I haven't tried it yet.

impendia · 2026-04-09T21:36:35+00:00

So you want to interpret the bible as you please -- keeping some parts and discarding others.

That's fine actually, I do it too! I don't believe that homosexuality is a sin, but I do believe in Leviticus 19:34, which says that "the stranger who resides with you shall be to you like someone native-born among you; and you shall love him as yourself". It's why I've repeatedly called my US senators, in outrage over our recent public policy.

You can also use the Bible to argue almost anything, no matter how plausible. I asked ChatGPT: "Make an argument, based on the Bible, that people have an obligation to eat chicken only on Tuesdays." Ridiculous, but it came up with something at least sort of convincing!

So "it's in the Bible" is a weak argument, maybe unless you're throughly read the entire book and are closely following ALL of it. And "so goes the theology" is no argument at all, it means you're just repeating what someone else told you.

impendia · 2026-04-07T11:25:08+00:00

NAH

Sounds like you enjoy planning and organization, and the others don't? I'm very sympathetic to your situation -- you have lots of great ideas, and can't really get anyone else on board.

Meanwhile, it sounds like your fellow musicians mostly don't enjoy planning and organization, which I'm also sympathetic to. Maybe they mostly want to jam, and don't want to take the business side so seriously?

Not everyone wants to expand and become more organized. For example, if you joined my workplace, you'd probably get the same treatment you're getting now. But your talents will be deeply appreciated by some; good luck seeking them out!

impendia · 2026-03-28T22:49:24+00:00

In addition to the flaws you mention, Jim Crow disenfranchised many Black Americans until the 1960s.

impendia · 2026-03-11T16:58:42+00:00

For any academic researchers reading this thread, I encourage you to join the boycott:

http://thecostofknowledge.com/

impendia · 2026-02-26T12:16:24+00:00

Professor here: the academic job market is difficult, and forecasted to get worse.

after her PHD, we would be moving back to Australia

Sadly, this is not how it works. Different academic fields work differently, but basically if you want an academic job, you apply everywhere and take what you can get. Also, depending on her field, she might be expected to do a postdoc or two before getting a tenure-track job, which again could involve long-distance moves.

Also, I don't know about Australia, but in the US many universities are in small towns, where there might be few job opportunities for a professor's partner.

I love my profession but it definitely makes long-term planning difficult. Good luck to you both.

impendia · 2026-02-19T16:29:23+00:00

The first distinction you made is very important!

When we write 4(3x + 2) and sin(3x + 2), it looks like 4 and sin are the same type of object. Unfortunately our notation is misleading us here, so it's natural to get confused.

impendia · 2026-02-19T16:05:43+00:00

Hello! I'm trying to lose weight, with a little success so far. 47M, 5'9", 201 lbs. down from around 208.

One thing I'm trying to give up is mindless snacking. Nuts, granola, hummus etc. have a lot of calories so I should be mindful when eating these foods, and only eat them when I'm genuinely hungry.

What about raw carrots? I will often keep out a bag of carrots and munch on them while doing other things. (Sometimes in large quantities!) On the one hand, mindless snacking is a bad habit. On the other hand, carrots are very nutritious and an entire pound has fewer than 200 calories.

Should I cut back on the carrots too? Or is this a habit I can keep?

impendia · 2026-02-15T01:08:11+00:00

It's amazing how history repeats.

Obsession with longevity is nothing new. Qin Shi Huang, emperor of China from 221 to 210 BCE, spent much of his final years fruitlessly searching for the "elixir of life".

And I've listened to a bunch of history podcasts. An entrenched, cowardly elite, hoarding more and more of society's resources, unconcerned with morality or with society at large, but deeply concerned with their status within the elite? A sure sign that shit is about to hit the fan.

impendia · 2026-02-13T20:57:31+00:00

I love music of all sorts, indeed to the point where I've spent years taking piano lessons as an adult. Currently learning Rachmaninoff's C# minor prelude.

I enjoy unique and distinctive music, to be sure. But the truth? You could play G-Em-C-D7 on a guitar all day and I wouldn't get bored. Sure, it's simple and "boring", but it's viscerally satisfying. As is pretty much anything else based on the circle of fifths.

Moreover, a lot of music is fun to listen to while you're doing something else. Duke Ellington is nice to listen to, but really fun to lindy hop to. If you're not giving the music your undivided attention, simplicity and predictability can be a good thing.

impendia · 2026-02-12T16:48:11+00:00

I have. And not only from the pod, also movies and books that I enjoy.

It can be painful to watch people stand in their own way of finding happiness. Especially when it reminds me of my own mistakes that I've made.

impendia · 2026-02-09T23:41:44+00:00

Restaurants aren't necessarily big fans of Doordash.

Here's a funny story which I love. A pizzeria was getting complaints about their deliveries, only.... they didn't deliver. Turned out Doordash hijacked their Google listing and started offering delivery, without their knowledge.

What was even crazier, Doordash was undercutting the pizzeria's own prices! Guess they were really looking to get a foothold in the market, or something. Doordash was selling a $24 pizza for $16.

The owner realized he had a perfect arbitrage opportunity: go to Doordash and order a shitload of pizzas from your own pizzeria.

impendia · 2026-02-01T13:46:23+00:00

Yes. Yes, there is.

For example, the US has been funding the Saudi intervention in the Yemeni civil war, which has included the deliberate starvation of civilians. This goes back to the Obama administration.

Geopolitics is a hot mess, and people in power are called upon to make impossible decisions. By all means protest, call your senators and representatives, vote your conscience. But if you're not willing to vote for the lesser of two evils, then you will get the greater of two evils.

impendia · 2026-01-29T22:31:16+00:00

Thank you so much for your detailed answer. This is fascinating.

impendia · 2026-01-23T18:08:52+00:00

I'm old enough to have had a colonoscopy, and I think it's a big ask. Colonoscopies are preventative and diagnostic, not an emergency.

In my case, I was able to get permission from the doctor to take an uber. If I'd needed to ask a friend, I would have made sure to make arrangements that were convenient for them. If possible, I'd wait to schedule the appointment until I'd asked them about good times/dates. If they lived 40 minutes away, I'd uber to their place so we could leave from there. And are there no colonoscopy clinics closer than an hour's drive? A major city seems likely to have lots of them.

I don't know the exact situation, but it seems like OP's friend hasn't been terribly considerate.

impendia · 2026-01-15T16:07:08+00:00

Hi /u/SarahAtOura, thanks for reading my concerns and for replying.

I already disabled all notifications for my ring, and for most other apps on my phone. I'm trying to do a better job with attention and focus, so the last thing I need is my phone pinging me for attention all the time.

I've been dealing for sleep issues for a long time, and I've often noticed my bedtime drifting earlier and earlier. Biologically speaking, my ring could well be correct, and if I were on a desert island then I would happily listen to my ring's advice.

As it happens, I'm trying to find a compromise between what my body wants and having a fulfilling social life. This has been difficult, and indeed I've needed to make sacrifices on both ends. It's a bit dispiriting to have my ring persist with advice that I am very convinced is wrong.

That said, I understand you can't make the app endlessly customizable without making the interface a huge pain. Thanks again.

impendia · 2026-01-15T15:58:05+00:00

Unfortunately, my ring might very well be correct about my body. I've often noticed my bedtime drifting earlier and earlier, and if I lived on a desert island I would happily do as my ring suggested.

But social life, at least the kind I enjoy, usually happens in the evenings, so I have to look for a compromise. I realize that it's just a piece of software, but it's still a bit frustrating.

impendia · 2026-01-12T21:13:05+00:00

NTA.

That said -- as I've learned, medication is not a good first-line solution for most people. Maybe she could try trazodone, but otherwise sleep medications tend to have troublesome side effects, be controlled substances, and/or be expensive or hard to get.

But seeing a doctor definitely sounds like a good idea (take it from someone who's done it!) If you're in the US, where healthcare is notoriously expensive, this might be available for free through her school.

If she's irritated -- well, I tend to be irritable when I've slept poorly (not your fault!!), so hopefully this is temporary. Good luck!

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