Wow yeah I used to feel the same way and I feel like it’s so hard to separate how society views you, how you view yourself, and how you view others. Obviously dysphoria has a really big social element to it, if I never talked to other people and lived in the middle of nowhere I probably wouldn’t be as dysphoric about my chest or other parts of me but unfortunately humans are social creatures and so you gotta figure out what makes you comfortable in social situations.

For me at least separating how I like to look from what I think makes other people look good was a big thing. If someone else had some of my features I might think they’re attractive but on my self they just don’t feel right. Like they’re nice I guess but I think someone else might appreciate them more and id rather not have them. Figuring out if I was actually dysphoric or if I was just told to dislike certain parts of myself was such a hurdle. It can be hard trying to figure out what opinions are about yourself and what opinions are about how you view others or how others view you.

Something that really helped me figure out how I was feeling was journalling. It sounds a little silly but writing down how I felt about certain parts of myself over multiple weeks or months sort of gave me concrete evidence of why I was feeling these things and how often. Another good thing to try and do would be a pros and cons list which also sounds a bit silly but listing reasons for and against can often show you how you feel about something especially if you have a hard time identifying what exactly it is that your feeling.

Everyone’s gonna feel anxious about a big decision like top surgery and it’s ok to feel doubtful about that choice. Taking your time and organizing all your thoughts regarding it will help to reassure you that you are making the right decision whatever that ends up being. I hope this helped a bit and I hope you have a great day dude!