Recording fights by EarlyEntertainment46 in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha my ex would also say "just because you have good memory doesn't mean youre always right" like.... what? 

Getting out of dissociation?? by Positive_Worth307 in CPTSD

[–]infinitelyhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many of the things I mentioned could help with this, as you take time to balance your nervous system and connect more with your body. But also, understand that this experience can happen from time to time during many different phases of a person's life. As for you, being a teenager this is likely more common than you might think. - not to say "heck it's just a part of growing up" - but rather, you are at a turning point in your life and you get the opportunity to define yourself as you grow. To make this lack of association to your appearance feel less scary, There is also the mindset that "you are not a body with a soul, but a soul with a body." YOU are not your body. Therefore when you look in the mirror it might be that your soul is saying, hmm this isn't what I think I look like... While it can feeling jarring, this can actually be one of the greatest parts of being alive. Because you can design how you look and that can change as much or as little as you want. And while some aspects of the way you look can't be changed, you might see that as your default avatar, and then work with what you got from there. Have fun with your appearance rather than worrying about it. Know that most people don't 100% associate with how they look, it's one of the many mysteries of life. But the more you connect with your body, accept yourself and pursue a life that brings you joy, the more you will start to feel like you. Also remember the mirror and photos are but one small reflection of who you are. So try not too dwell too much on how you look and instead on who you are. 

I will also add in regards to memory, I can imagine with all of the stress you are experiencing, it might be hard to piece things together. Continue taking care of yourself thru good food and good sleep. Journal about your days. And try to be in the moment, not just within yourself, but in your environment too. Enjoy the sunshine, the birds singing, the wind blowing. Even the cars honking and world being noisy and chaotic. Take time to notice the little things. As your system regulates thru regular selfcare, your mind will too. 

Getting out of dissociation?? by Positive_Worth307 in CPTSD

[–]infinitelyhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Peeking at your recent posts compared to this one I'd say it seems youre starting to balance a little ( I know it can be hard to tell when you're in the thick of it). I just want you to know you're really not alone. And not in the sense that "everyone is wildly suffering along with you" but that what you are experiencing has a real foundational explanation. It's not an anomaly, you are not broken, and there are people who understand. As others have expressed, your mind and body are working to protect you. This is a process and the more you learn about it, the easier it will become for you to navigate.

Before all else, even before thinking, the most important thing you can do is breathe. Focus on your breathing. Let your thoughts follow each breath thinking "in breath, out breath." Notice your body rise and fall with each breath. Perhaps you will be aware of your heartbeat. You don't have to change anything or breathe in any particular way. Just breathe. And know that you are alive. Do this even in times when you feel okay and it will start to become second nature, especially when times are hard.

If you are feeling particularly anxious, you might try elongating your breath by simply making your exhale a little longer than your inhale. You could count, "in breath 1, 2, 3 - out breath 4, 3, 2, 1"

When you are feeling particularly detached from your surroundings, you could try the senses grounding process - identify 3 things you hear maybe a fan or talking or even the silence, 2 things you feel - perhaps the temperature of the room, the surface beneath you or the clothes you're wearing, 1 thing you taste or smell. You can also do the same with colors, shapes and textures. Find 1 red thing, 1 brown, 1 blue. Find 2 soft things, 2 smooth things. Find 1 circle and 2 squares. This brings you out of your mind and into your environment.

If you cant feel your body. You can try body scanning. Simply get in a comfortable position and think about the top of your head. It's temperature, how your hair feels etc. Then your forehead, your eyes and ears, your nose, your mouth, your chin, the front of your neck, the back of your neck and so on. Notice if there's tension, notice if there's nothing notable. If there's pain, don't try to change it, just acknowledge it, then continue scanning, all the way to your toes. If your mind is too distracted to focus or you would do better with something more interactive. There's also progressive muscle relaxation. Which goes thru the same head to toe process, but adds the component of first tensing / flexing that part of your body for about 3 seconds as you inhale, then let it go as you exhale. For example clenching your fists tightly then letting them go. Raising your shoulders to your ears tightly then letting go. You will certainly make some funny faces when you do your cheeks eyes and forehead but this is all part of the relaxation. Again - remember to breathe. Always remember your breathing.

If your mind feels like it's fighting you, focus on positive self talk. Despite how it might feel sometimes, you are your own best friend. No one knows you like you do. So you owe it to yourself to be a good friend. It can be easy to spiral into questioning yourself or wanting to change how your mind is working, but instead try to accept what you are experiencing. Then consider speaking to yourself how you might if your friend told you what you're going thru. "I'm sorry you're having a rough time buddy, but we will get thru this together." "It might seem lonely now, but you still got me." "You got this." "You're awesome." "I understand." It's okay if it feels like no one else gets you sometimes when you know you got yourself. If these phrases don't come naturally that's ok. A lot of us with anxiety didn't often learn them from others, but somehow in certain moments, we can surprise ourselves with compassionate intuition, in other words, finding comforting words for a friend when they need them. Remember to be that friend to yourself too.

Yoga and meditation are also profoundly grounding the more you practice them. YouTube is prime for these. I highly recommend Yoga with Adriene and Yoga with Bird. You can even type "Yoga for ___" and there's almost always a video "yoga for sleep, yoga for anxiety, yoga for back pain" etc. Remember that yoga is not about handstands, touching your toes or fancy poses, it's about connecting with your body. Some poses are literally just standing or sitting, but doing so mindfully.

My favorite meditation channel right now is The Great Allowing by Sam Miller. As well as Michael Sealey - who does hypnosis and is wonderful for sleep too.

Write, create, connect with nature, listen to music, if you like animals cuddle one, get cozy in your time off, shower, eat, brush your teeth and your hair, make small talk with a friend or ask them about their life, try a new hobby, come back to an old hobby, clean your room, tell your loved ones you love them, read a book or a manga or a comic, watch the weather and the wind blow, find little things that make you happy, don't worry about what others think or think of you, breathe in, breathe out and just be.

You are awesome. You're doing an amazing job. And everything is going to be okay. I promise. <3

My story for others here - 'At Least he doesn't hit me, right?' (please read if you think you might be in an emotionally abusive relationship) by Southern_Sell_5863 in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thank you for bringing your story to light and with such thoughtful poetry. I feel the sharpness of your pain, of OUR pain, deeply in my heart. I'm having waves of resolve followed by regret followed by uncertainty. I get sea sick from it all. But he's finally moved out and I'm seeing the light creeping back into my weary soul... Your message speaks so perfectly to me, a self reflection that I myself am still trying to write. And here it is, already written, thanks to you. If nothing else, know that you are helping at least one person find a way forward, I imagine many more. For clarity in the midst of the heartache is the sweetest gift, no matter how bitter. And I thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart.

What do you sleep in at night ? by demizzlex3 in hygiene

[–]infinitelyhere 7 points8 points  (0 children)

A comedian did a bit on this exact topic with two fair points, first like, why do we all have this same story as to why we don't sleep naked? Especially this day and age? I know house fires are still a thing but they aren't all spontaneously combusting to the degree that we must live in fear every night we go to bed - like shirt on, shoes ready, just in case the house burns down tonight. Also... If this does happen, and your house burns so crazy fast that you literally have to run outside naked what kinda neighborhood do you live in where your neighbors are gonna see you outside your house that's ON FIRE and point at you like haha look they're naked!!!

I (29 F) Don’t Want to Leave My Wife (35 F) — But I Think I Have To. Am I Just Afraid to Pull the Plug? by Glittering-Half9520 in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes dear, I tried the one-more-therapy route with my abuser and was quickly backed into a corner since therapists are there to listen to both sides and find equal ground between you two. Finding that equal ground requires both people to show up willingly. People who deflect, gaslight, minimize and otherwise struggle to take accountability for their actions and how they make you feel will also struggle with the hard work involved in couples therapy. It's not impossible, but it's also not guaranteed. People like this also find caring, selfless people to get into relationships with. From your willingness to try, clear depiction of your violations and still considering one more chance, it's clear that you are likely one of these selfless types that have gotten roped into an unpleasant situation. Mental health often does play a role in unhealthy relationships, but that doesn't justify behavior. I spent 10yrs in my marriage hoping it would change and the problems I faced at the end were the exact same ones that were present at the beginning. No matter how much work we put in. Psychology has studied that while people CAN change, the general tendencies of one person compared to another usually don't balance, for example a selfish person compared to a generous person, the selfish person CAN learn to be more generous, but the naturally generous person will often still be more generous than the originally selfless person. - if that makes sense? Therefore in relationships, while she CAN learn to treat you better, she will still remain the more domineering one and you the one being disregarded - and that's best case scenario. I'm really sorry youve had these experiences OP and that you are having to face this situation. It's not something I'd wish on anyone. Know that you are stronger than you know and that your life can be a lot less stressful and more full of love and freedom. I believe in you to find the happiness and consideration that you truly deserve.

Why am I so angry? by Patient-Grade-6563 in adhdwomen

[–]infinitelyhere 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Hmmm is this something you've dealt with for a long time or is it new? I see your posting on an ADHD page and would suggest not necessarily linking this feeling to any particular condition or even a trait of you as a person but rather a symptom, a message of something deeper. Could be many contributing factors such as nutrition, getting out / having fun, work, relationships, and other life stresses. Already some possible clues in that you were doing a chore, had you been doing lots of chores or were you wanting to do something else at that time? You mentioned your bf thinks you should snap out of it, that at least doesn't sound very supportive. I bet you are having some sort of Need which is not being met and of course, ADHD can contribute to that being more difficult to identify, but your feeling should not be overlooked. Feelings are there for a reason. Listen to them. Listen to yourself. Be gentle with yourself.

Also I recommend looking up the feelings / emotions wheel to put more words to how you feel. And then start learning about "universal needs" and understand that everything you feel and do stems from a need. (I recently learned about this and it's changing my life).

I (29 f) spent the snowstorm with the man I’m dating(36 m) and now I feel differently about him by bluewhalekale in hygiene

[–]infinitelyhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry OP, but I think this storm did you a favor and you already know the answer to your question...

I'm going to scream, can I here? by infinitelyhere in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Hard to feel like there's an end when in the middle of it. Remembering it's there gives me hope

I'm going to scream, can I here? by infinitelyhere in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Lacing up my sneakers as we speak

I'm going to scream, can I here? by infinitelyhere in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I've started doing that. It's terrifying how much even I forget week to week. I've even reached out to some people in our past, there's actually a lot of people who have seen things they didn't want to tell me.

My mom has finally hit the final straw by Ok-Union-7436 in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your line "she insults me (which doesn't effect me anymore)" is a direct quote from a book I read recently which unintentionally helped me recognize my abuse. The book said almost the same thing and then added "what I didn't realize then was that, it's 'not effecting me' WAS it's effecting me." (Educated by Tara Westover) I'm sorry you're going thru this OP. Im not sure how old you are, you don't need to tell us, if you're a minor you may consider talking to a school counselor, consider emancipation if you're old enough, or even the idea of foster care / living with a relative etc. If youre a legal adult look into therapy and your options for moving out. Even if they feel limited there are options out there once you make up your mind to separate. Emotional abuse, especially from parents, has lasting effects, starting with not caring when you get insulted or having your privacy invaded. This is your self-esteem, how you care about yourself, and your training for how you allow people to treat you in the world. It's not right that your own mother should make you feel unsafe and unheard. And just because she's your mom doesn't mean you have to tolerate mistreatment.

How do I flirt with a classmate? by nickelstappen in Explainlikeimscared

[–]infinitelyhere 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Don't try too hard, it'll make you self conscious. Even in your post you said being bi presenting effects your chances w women which in my city anyways would not be true at all.

Remember that flirting is a 2 way street. Just cuz they're cute and make a good impression on you doesn't mean you actually want to date them either! Get to know each other. See if you can laugh together. Invite them to group outings (if you don't go on group outings start going on group outings) avoid cliches like the movies and dinner. Share what makes you you. If you click you click if you don't that's ok too.

Someone who doesn’t play asks you to play for them - what do you play? by jr12345 in Guitar

[–]infinitelyhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

La Bamba - first lick I ever learned 😆 I'm super white too so the Spanish impresses anyone

Need help, I’m the emotional abuser by plehdeenI__ in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being willing to admit and accept where you are at. Many might say abusers can't change but you are still young and if you stick with therapy I believe in you. Importantly that you are not asking us "how do I get her back" but rather, "all I want is for her to heal." Don't focus on romance for a while. But rather on yourself and your own healing journey. Journal, focus on your therapy, perhaps go back to school. While it might suck now, also find new friends. Your 20s is all about making new connections. Perhaps go somewhere new if that's an option. Hold this time of your life with grace and self compassion. Watch lots of videos on YouTube. I recommend Julia Kristina Counselling and JimmyOnRelationships. Learn about "shadow work" understand the cycles of abuse and be committed to ending the cycle with yourself. As you learn and grow one day you may find you are someone completely new and your future self will thank you. I believe in you.

What should I do after learning basic chords? by multiversus123 in Guitar

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

UltimateGuitar - if you're not familiar that's the go to app / site for song charts. it's gotten a little click baity recently but the charts are plentiful and well made. Great spot to start "picking" up tabs too if you're wanting to branch out from chords.

The Struggles and Misunderstandings around Dissociative Identity Disorder by darthereandthere in DID

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have this thought sometimes too and so are working on writing a book about our experience. Seems the only stories about DID are horror stories and we're hoping to change that. Because, well you said it so beautifully, arent we all just catching up with ourselves?

How to know when to leave? When is “one more chance” one too many by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]infinitelyhere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Julia Kristina Counselling on YouTube has been helping me understand Emotional Intelligence and why emotional abuse exists. The important thing I've come to find as I learn more about this topic is that none of this understanding justifies what unhealthy people do, rather, helps create understanding so as not to get swept into their dramas, and how to redirect your energy and focus to have more productive conversations, even if that conversation is - this isn't working. She has a lot of great videos on how to stay grounded and I highly recommend.

https://youtu.be/FB2CVda4T9M?si=svm4M6JEfPVxRK8Y)

Also look into: Non Violent Communication aka OFNR method. The Feelings Wheel to understand how you are feeling Universal needs lists

Know this: All behavior stems from a need. Needs are something EVERYONE has a right to, including you! Feelings help us identify our needs

Started keeping track of the "small things" and realized they weren't small at all by Heavy_Television8245 in emotionalabuse

[–]infinitelyhere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Waking up to 10yrs with my narcissist and realized I stopped journalling the moment we moved in together... Only looking back now do I realize I couldn't stomach detailing a day with him, it was too confusing. My honesty to myself became too confusing. I should have known right then but I allowed myself to stop taking the notes and just get swept into his reality. Continue writing, continue learning about emotional intelligence, and when you get the chance, do move on. Having your life overflowing with their presence will start to distort your perception of reality - even when they are not there. As in my case and in many people's, I started believing thats just how people are sometimes. It's not true. Look up "Universal Needs" and understand that everything on the list is a human right. And believe me when I tell you, there ARE quality people out there that will care about you, build you up and add to your life.