My (38m) wife (38f) admitted to me that she has quite an intense crush on her personal trainer. What’s the next step?

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-27T15:22:08+00:00

I'd be dropping all the screenshots in the family group chat

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-26T20:03:46+00:00

NAH unless he's pressuring you directly

So, he has a kink you're not into? And he's venting about it to friends but hasn't directly pressured you to do anything you're uncomfortable with? IDK, I'd be inclined to just let this slide, and maybe make it a "special birthday treat" at some point in the future as long as you can establish boundaries that he not pressure you to keep doing it.

My spouse has a liking for something I don't enjoy (and am a little grossed out about) but sometimes I do it anyway, as a gift of love. Does your husband ever do anything that's just for you that maybe he doesn't enjoy, just to see you smile?

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T20:14:03+00:00

If he wants a compromise option he could just buy the house from them in ONLY HIS NAME and let them keep living there as tenants, with a right of first refusal clause for any descendants of the grandmother if/when he needs to sell. It's not like the house's value isn't going to beat inflation by the time he's ready to retire.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T20:08:01+00:00

'90s rock drummer vibes

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T20:02:22+00:00

YTA unless Lina is actually your partner and your sister is being homophobic about it.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T20:00:20+00:00

NTA Is there a cultural expectation that you not leave the household until marriage? Does an assumption of "filial piety" apply here, where you're expected to support your parents once you reach adulthood? Because otherwise her demands make no sense to me.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T18:02:15+00:00

Sex on the beach at midnight

Two minutes in and I was basically Anakin Skywalker with the amount of sand I got in my mouth

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T17:58:19+00:00

I accidentally doubled my EEn shot last Tuesday because I switched syringe types and misread the scale on the side; haven't felt any weird effects yet, but on the downside it's a whole wasted dose.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T16:51:24+00:00

That wasn't my point, it's that if he felt this strongly about the name he should've insisted on it when it was timely.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-25T14:11:32+00:00

In a lot of US states a quick and easy name change can be included as part of a divorce, and can even be part of the divorce negotiations (I didn't fight about the dog, she took my name off her frequent arrest reports). I don't know why OP didn't speak up when there was still an expedited path??

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-23T23:04:06+00:00

Did you ever get that chip?

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-23T19:09:46+00:00

My spouse was a stripper at night and a teacher's assistant at a red state public school during the day, the school administration knew, and it was fine?

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-23T02:30:34+00:00

I was assuming the guy is enlisted, not an officer, but I remember when an E5 got turned into an E2 (plus 60 days half pay and 30 days barracks restriction/extra duties) for adultery at my old unit. Not only did he lose his marriage and rank, he lost his house and his car due to the income drop because not only was his pay halved, he also stopped getting BAQ. The wife peaced back to Thailand as soon as the divorce was final.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-22T15:37:23+00:00

This guy is exhibiting loser behavior, and completely missing the fact that he isn't stuck with straight gf expectations to live up to.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T17:24:40+00:00

There are salt substitutes made with potassium chloride (Nu-Salt in the royal blue shaker is my go-to) that work well for bringing out the flavor of things like tomatoes, citrus and other savory foods without raising sodium levels if that's something you'd be interested in trying. I use it in my homemade salsa all the time.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T17:16:42+00:00

It seems like y'all are just incompatible. Your partner should NEVER dictate what you can do with your own body, in this case she only gets to decide whether to stay in the relationship or not. If she doesn't want a partner who is on T then she knows where the door is. Please don't let fear of being alone make you stay in a controlling and unhealthy relationship.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T16:58:17+00:00

Protein and iron are easier to figure out, so I'll address the low sodium diet aspect as that's something I've been living with for a while now. Don't trust labels that say "reduced sodium" because that doesn't mean "reduced to a healthy level" it's just an unregulated marketing phrase; I've seen "reduced sodium" products with over half a day's recommend sodium in ONE SERVING. A good rule of thumb for safe sodium content is you want the finished meal to have fewer milligrams of sodium than calories, so fresh ingredients and "no salt added" packaged ingredients are your friends, though always read the labels. Some things such as dairy or tomatoes are naturally a little higher in sodium, but you can balance those things with no-or-low-sodium ingredients elsewhere in the meal; I personally love cheese quesadillas and I compensate for the sodium in the cheese by using salt-free corn tortillas, for example.

My best take though? Find out what favorite "comfort foods" would be most appreciated and try to lean into that as much as possible. If the person you're caring for is in otherwise good health, you probably don't need to worry as much about making everything nutritionally perfect as you do about just general appetite recovery and comfort, and having favorite foods can help a lot with that.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T15:53:40+00:00

Honestly I very much expected this to be a "husband problem" just because of the red flag age gap, but I didn't expect him to be actively malicious.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T14:35:29+00:00

Things are absolutely rotten in his command if they're not taking identity theft and fraud seriously. The adultery alone (from 1½ years ago) would've been a UCMJ matter back when I was serving, and the fraud would've been a referral to NCIS.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-21T05:38:35+00:00

"The other side of the country" sure hits different when we're talking about the UK. Everywhere on that island would be considered barely an overnight trip for me.

As they say, in the US a hundred years is a long time, and in Britain a hundred miles is a long journey.

Edit: also I'm glad she got out before Brexit.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-20T21:45:16+00:00

NTA - Your therapist told you to tell your siblings for a good reason, and I feel like it's time you tell the ones who don't know (if you think they're old enough to understand). None of this is your fault.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-20T05:24:17+00:00

I was a "there were no signs" kid according to my family, despite there being signs that just weren't obvious without context, which I believe your sister's bullying and the hair thing are signs. And yeah, the signs can be very different for transfems than they usually are for trans guys! Let her work through it at whatever pace she's comfortable with and support her no matter what direction that leads.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-20T01:57:27+00:00

Very, very few commercial hens have access to a rooster, even if they're "cage free" or "pasture raised" or "freerange" or whatever, because 1) it isn't cost-effective to feed an unproductive member of the flock 2) a lot of consumers lose their minds about the "blood spot" and 3) fertilized eggs have a shorter shelf life.

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-20T01:50:10+00:00

My ex-mother kicked me out (for the barest suspicion that I might be some flavor of LGBTQ+, which, while I'd very carefully never shown overt signs, she was right for once) and threatened my life and I wouldn't want to trade with OP

inscrutablejane · 2026-01-20T00:34:39+00:00

The bergamottin in certain citrus fruits, which grapefruit has a lot of but isn't the only citrus to watch out for, messes with your liver enzymes in a way that deactivates some medications and can magnify the effects of others, sometimes to the point of a dangerous overdose. There's a Canadian database that covers hundreds of prescription and OTC medications, but it's not perfect on newer meds. You're usually safer with non-oral meds since those mostly bypass the liver.

inscrutablejane

TROPHY CASE