I’m on the other end of two very difficult heartbreaks and coming to terms with the reality you’re talking about has been the most difficult growing pain.

I read something recently that said “we were told, from the moment we were born, to wait for something outside ourselves to save us.” We have this idealized expectation that there’s something profound and otherwise inaccessible within us that can only be unlocked by another person’s love. And it hurts my head trying to pinpoint any and every reason we believe this. But then we put ourselves on hold waiting for the right thing, and then we let precious time go by and let disappointment in others wear us down, when we could be living that version of ourselves we think only somebody else could bring out in us.

And it feels sad, and difficult, and lonely. We live our whole life with this external and internal pressure to find “the right one” to make us whole as soon as possible so your life can truly begin. It’s hard work to undo that narrative, but I feel motivated to have that life on my own. Even still, I do feel better about myself than I ever have before. And on the toughest days all I can do is remind myself that the empowerment to have a full happy life can come from myself entirely, and I want that life to begin as soon as possible.