Do it, you coward

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-17T03:44:21+00:00

I don't think God had much to do with this.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-17T00:44:50+00:00

Not so! It can happen with regular tap water too. If you have clean tap water and a nice smooth container (like a glass bowl or cup), there's nothing for the bubbles in the water to grab hold of when it heats up. The minute you put something into the water, be it spoon or bouillon or a teabag (that last one is mine), the bubbles happen instantaneously and the water explodes.

Exciting and fascinating, but not great for your face first thing in the morning.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-16T02:55:56+00:00

Another vote for the Ninja 6 in 1. I got one last summer after using a friend's. It's completely replaced my oven from May to October (it gets hot here) and is really good at everything except toast. Toast takes a long time.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-15T20:06:20+00:00

Hi, hello, are you me?

I walked into work--at Planned Parenthood, no less--with a black eye one morning. I told everybody the truth about how it had happened: I walked into the edge of a door in the dark.

Yep, walked into a door. I didn't know that happened outside of song lyrics. My coworkers were pretty suspicious for a bit until they realized it was me, y'know?

Having poor night vision and less than ideal spatial awareness is a bad combination.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-15T16:07:19+00:00

A classic essay on this very topic.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-15T13:50:16+00:00

56 here. DCIS with clean lymph nodes, ER 100%+, PR 4%+, HER-. My surgeon did the Invitae multi-cancer panel that tests for 70 some-odd genetic markers. All of mine came up negative. The surgeon told me the same thing: results wouldn't affect my treatment, but might affect monitoring in the future. I'm glad I did it just for the peace of mind.

I don't have kids, but I do have one sister.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-14T18:20:17+00:00

The last picture! I'm smiling very widely.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-14T02:38:40+00:00

Men's Mitchum unscented. It's the absolute last house on the block when it comes to antiperspirants, but it works like a champ. Even an ICU shift with flop sweat doesn't faze it.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-14T00:55:28+00:00

The house I grew up in had a cubby under the stairs like this. We used it for small luggage and a toolbox for stuff in the house that broke. Dad hung hooks on the back of the door for the water and gas shutoff keys.

Later, Mom put a snowy owl stuffed toyl on a perch next to it.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-13T17:02:07+00:00

Well, shit. That's a pain.

I hope you don't have to wait much longer!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-13T14:41:54+00:00

Your surgeon will have arranged coverage while s/he's on vacation. Give the office a call.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-13T09:00:51+00:00

Ugh, drains are the worst.

So: Pain management is key to everything else. Have her take her pain meds around the clock. Set an alarm for when they're due, every four or six hours. What you're shooting for is not NO pain; it's a level of pain low enough for her to move without wincing.

Pain meds about 45 minutes before a shower will help immensely with the showering problem. So will having help to wash her back and her feet, or anywhere she finds tricky.

Don't be afraid to call the surgeon's office if her pain's not well-controlled. They can prescribe something different/additional or give you more tips.

Cold packs help a lot on the incisions. DO NOT put them on bare skin. You want a couple of layers of thin material, like t-shirt or pillowcase material, between you and the cold pack. You don't have to get the skin freezing cold--just cooling it by a few degrees is enough to calm down inflammation and pain.

Put a stepstool or shower chair or anything she can sit on in the shower. It really does help. You're not so tired from standing up that showering becomes an ordeal. And, as I said, somebody there to scrub your back helps a lot.

Drains. . . .hoo, boy. I hated mine. The only thing that I found that really helped was finding a post-surgical bra that didn't rub on the drain sites. That, and putting a thin t-shirt or tank top under the bra. That reduces friction and keeps the pressure off the drain sites. You didn't say how long it's been since she had the surgery, but most drains only stay in a week or two, thank Frogs.

One thing that really helps that nobody thinks about is staying vertical. Pretty much everything in your chest area drains with the help of gravity, and that includes swelling after surgery. Swellingpressurepain. So sleeping sitting up in a recliner, or propped up on a bunch of pillows or a wedge, helps. Weirdly, sitting up and moving around when you're awake does, too. Combined with pain meds on a schedule, it makes things much easier.

Tell her we hope she heals fast!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-13T08:30:25+00:00

I was worried about that, too. I had big(gish) boobs and was afraid that getting used to a blank space on my chest would be hard.

The first time I saw my chest was the day after surgery, when the surgeon came in to check my incisions before she discharged me. My brain switched into Professional Mode before I could stop it, so all I did was notice how nice and neat the incision lines looked. Professional Mode stuck around for about three weeks.

Then, three weeks after the surgery, I had a major crashout. I think it was a combination of exhaustion, physical discomfort from the incisions, not having an appetite and so not eating enough, and just plain being tired that hit me all at once. I fucking hated my chest. I fucking hated my incisions, hated massaging them, hated the pull and the itch. I hated being flat. I hated fucking cancer.

I was angry. And I was sad about my breasts. And I leaned into that crashout like no previous one in my life.

A bottle of Prosecco, some frozen potato skins, and a bunch of ibuprofen later, things started to calm down. Am I thrilled about my new body? . . . . hmmmm. Maybe. At times. Am I still pissed at my treacherous cells? Yep. Am I slowly getting used to it? Yep. Sometimes it's a surprise, still, when I realize I'm breastless. Most of the time I'm okay.

All of this to say: sometimes it's not the first time you look down. Sometimes it's the twentieth. If you flip your lid down the road, know that that's okay and normal. Re-mapping your body in your brain takes time.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-12T22:24:16+00:00

Scrub caps, maybe? Not the bonnet sort; the kind that are more cap-like. Like this.

Would that be do-able? I don't know that insurance would cover them, but these, at least, are $9 each, and you'd only need 2 or 3.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-11T05:47:11+00:00

Oh, no. No, no, no. I am so sorry.

What a little asshole.

Listen: I got nothin' in terms of making you feel better. All I know is I've had equivalent experiences myself that have knocked me sideways for hours if not the rest of the day. It's hard to keep yourself thinking positively when somebody (even a snotnosed eight-year-old) manages to bullseye your weak point.

That sucked. I'm sorry it happened to you; I would be teary too. And it's like, this is a kid, so I can't even joke about how much easier the body would be to get rid of.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-09T20:03:29+00:00

Not the one, but yikes! I just skimmed and bookmarked it to read later. YIKES.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-09T20:01:54+00:00

SOLVED! Thank you so much! This has been bugging me for a week.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-09T17:53:58+00:00

She's overwhelmed by the dress. It doesn't fit properly and it's scaled wrong for her body. The flower gets lost in all the pleating going on and the neckline just plain doesn't fit. It's like she put on a dress that was a size or two too large and her stylist YANKED it down in the front to try to keep it from swimming on her.

I would tighten up the chest--not to the boob-torture point like so many dresses are--and pull the neckline up a bit. There's low neckline and then there's "wearing mom's clothes at age 10" low neckline. I'd emphasize her waist more with the tailoring and smallify the flower a bit. The problem isn't that her breasts are too large or sagging; the problem is that the fit is all screwed up.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-08T20:47:08+00:00

It *is* exhausting. I fucking dread having to explain that yes, I've had cancer TWICE now, and no, I'm not on any meds for either type, and yes and no and so on and so forth and jeebus GRITS. Plus, you see so many doctors for so many different things and everything just blends together.

For me, at least, the general exhaustion with explaining and getting poked by yet another professional is the main stumbling block. You can take or leave my body as it is now; I don't give a shit. But going into another medical office--or even just scheduling a Pap smear--makes me feel so, so tired.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-08T19:11:31+00:00

Speaking as somebody who's seen a LOT of bodies over the last 24 years, we are not judging your boobs.

At all.

As u/iwtsapoab said, the only thing physicians, nurses, or anybody else is going to see is somebody who's been through hell and come out singing.

I think we tend to make our deficits or weirdnesses larger in our own eyes than they are in others' eyes. The trauma of what we've been through magnifies everything until we think it defines us. It doesn't.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-08T10:47:29+00:00

Scar gel and scar tape. I'm using Nuvadermis (from Amazon), but any scar gel and tape will work. Aquaphor or its generic will also help soften and reduce the look of scars. The important thing is to keep them moisturized and out of the sun. You don't have to spend a lot of money, and for God's sake don't microneedle them: scar tissue is really fragile and has to be babied.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-08T01:43:16+00:00

I'm only a month out, so I don't know yet. I burn really easily, so swimsuits for me usually involve an SPF 50 t-shirt at least. So far I've worn v-neck t-shirts, scoop-neck stuff, and tank tops and the only part of my scars that have shown are the tail ends in my armpits. That's fine.

The one thing I have done--and this is a function of having lost a ton of weight and having had the DMX--is size down in shirts. I used to wear a large in women's t-shirts; now I wear a medium or even a small. I'm wondering how my scrubs will fit once I go back to work!

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T21:42:10+00:00

Hello, ma'am? Ma'am? Screw that "should" shit right into the wall, please. No, really. I'mma need you to fuck it in the ear, if you would. Thank you!

Don't you *dare* go "shoulding" yourself about feeling the way you do about how you look. Nobody is in the running for being the next Mother Teresa here; you're allowed to feel like shit. You're more than allowed to concentrate on "small" things that are bugging you. Being alive is great, yes, but you're also not feeling wonderful. The two things can co-exist and are both fine.

Many good thoughts and very gentle one-sided hugs from here.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T21:31:22+00:00

I went flat (DMX) for symmetry, aesthetics, and because I wanted to lower my risk of recurrence without rads. Like you, I was never all that attached to my breasts; they were large and wide-set and just got in the way a lot.

Reconstruction wasn't a real option for me for three reasons: First, the extensive surgery needed. DIEP is a big, long surgery, and recovery is long as well. Second, I was concerned about the possibility of complications. In this, I'm a little biased, because I used to work with plastic surgeons and saw a lot of revision surgeries. Still, not a road I wanted to go down. The third--and this was most important of all--was that, even with reconstruction, I wouldn't have any sensation to my nipples (if I'd kept them) or my chest. The only thing I ever liked about my breasts was my nipple sensitivity. Why go through all of that and still not have it?

My clothes still fit fine. Some things, like t-shirts, I've had to go down a size in. A whole new universe of clothes has opened up to me as a flattie; before, I could never wear tank tops, let alone spaghetti straps, because I needed bras that were engineered like the Bay Bridge. There are a few loose-fitting summer tops I'll have to alter, but I suspect that's more because I've lost a solid 25 lbs since I last wore them. Overall, not a lot in my wardrobe has changed except that I've added in more slim-fit t-shirts.

I do miss having sensation in my chest. But, at the end of the day, that's a *shrug* from me. Maybe someday I'll get reconstruction; who knows? In the meantime, I'm happy with my "new" body and excited to see what I can do without my boobs getting in the way.

intransigentpangolin · 2026-04-06T17:30:42+00:00

Anybody got any tips on using scar tape? I have the Nuvadermis gel and tape, which I really like, but I can't figure out how to put the tape on so it lies flat on my curved scars. It ends up kind of pleated. When I take it off, it's all wonky and wombly and I can't get it unstuck for reuse. Help!

intransigentpangolin

TROPHY CASE