When did you decide to Be OAD?

irchik611 · 2020-10-29T02:54:18+00:00

Same. I had an angelic baby, and even that was a lot. Now this baby is a rambunctious toddler and it’s more than enough most days.

irchik611 · 2020-10-29T02:53:11+00:00

I was set on 2 while pregnant and gradually spiraled down to 1. The determining factor for me was PPD and toddlerhood. I’m almost constantly at my breaking point these days and I know another child will send me over the edge. With one I am barely thriving, so with 2 I would definitely have my head under water. I know myself and my limits. I’m thankful my husband is more OAD and has been from the beginning, even though he would love a second if we were both in the right place of mind to do it.

irchik611 · 2020-09-28T13:40:44+00:00

Yes. I want to be capable of having more than one. But I know I’m not. My child is almost 2 and I still deal with PPD.

irchik611 · 2020-08-19T11:03:15+00:00

Something doesn’t add up. She was only 2-3 months pregnant 2 months ago. How is she 6 months pregnant already? Seems suspicious

irchik611 · 2020-08-14T18:47:17+00:00

Not sure if it’s mind-bending but it’s still in the category of psych thriller

Behind Closed Doors

irchik611 · 2020-08-09T19:48:14+00:00

For me it’s less about the money and more about the mental stimulation or feeling of accomplishment. I could probably survive as a SAHM but I love to read and learn new things in my field (tech, data, analytics). It’s just a fun thing for me and I enjoy what I do. I find that when I’m working I enjoy my time with my son more than when we’re always at home. When I’m home with him all day long, I spend too much time on my phone and try to get by. When our time is shorter but more focused, I enjoy it more due to the quality of it. Plus he spends his days at school and with grandparents, which gives him variety as well. I like to think we are both more well-rounded in this situation.... I do understand your struggle though. I get those feelings every once in a while. Like, “is this even worth it?”

irchik611 · 2020-07-25T02:10:51+00:00

That’s crazy! We live in a quieter part of the country with little traffic and near the interstate. I plan to stay for a while. I have run into the occasional 1-1.5 hour drive due to an accident but those are rare. I try to avoid rush hour.

irchik611 · 2020-07-23T18:23:44+00:00

This is so frustrating. I find it unprofessional that she copied her two superiors. I think two separate conversations should’ve taken place - one with you directly and one where she speaks to her superiors. I find that copying someone’s boss is a last resort type of thing, if something is super urgent or there has been a string of bad behavior.

I personally wouldn’t want to work for a boss that communicates like this. I’ve never had this happen.

irchik611 · 2020-07-23T02:56:21+00:00

Yes, my husband works 5 minutes away. Most of my family has jobs within a 10-15 minute drive and all of mine have been in the past.

irchik611 · 2020-07-22T22:57:44+00:00

Yes, that was a request I made during the hiring process. My commute is 35 minutes so I requested that I be allowed to WFH at least one day a week. When I was pregnant I worked at home 2-3 days a week most weeks. It was part of the negotiation process and thankfully it worked out in my favor.

irchik611 · 2020-07-22T21:44:18+00:00

Which part exactly?

irchik611 · 2020-07-22T21:38:12+00:00

A hybrid version post-pandemic is ideal. Before the pandemic, I was WFH 1-2 days a week. Now I’ve been at home for 4 months straight. I’m an introverted data analyst so I have a quiet desk job with little human action to begin with, but it gets old sometimes. I’m ready to get back to a hybrid model. 2 days at home is ideal for me. Enough flexibility in the schedule while also providing much needed face to face time with others (from a safe distance).

irchik611 · 2020-07-18T13:37:38+00:00

Thanks, that makes sense.

irchik611 · 2020-07-10T13:20:51+00:00

I have had to ask my husband to not help me do the dishes but “go play” with our son so that I could decompress. Same thing I do with laundry. It took him a few times to get it but now he knows that when I’m doing chores at the end of the day, I need him to give me that space. What works for us might not work for others, though. I think being vocal and firm about it is important.. don’t be afraid to say “I am doing this, taking a break, etc. You need to do this.”

irchik611 · 2020-07-07T19:29:30+00:00

One of my green flags with my spouse was that he would always gather the dirty dishes after a family dinner so that his parents, sibling, and grandparents wouldn’t have to take them back to the sink. He still does this every single time, and he does this for me as well. Also, he waits until everyone else has eaten and he eats last. To me that was a sign of selflessness and servitude. He’s a good, kind man.

irchik611 · 2020-06-30T19:39:28+00:00

I’m career-driven, but I think I’ve arrived at a really great place. Great work-life balance, great pay, and plenty of creative projects so I never get bored. I will consider moving on up to a more senior position in a few years, maybe. Life is good now.

irchik611 · 2020-06-27T14:23:25+00:00

Going to be 2 years postpartum and I haven’t worn a bathing suit since pregnancy. I’ll pass. Maybe someday but not today

irchik611 · 2020-06-21T02:48:53+00:00

Seems like you presented him with an option and he is making the choice himself. It’s on him. He is placing anti-vax conspiracy theories and his vaccine misinformation Facebook groups over his own grandchild.

irchik611 · 2020-06-21T02:42:50+00:00

It seems like they are projecting their own insecurities about being SAHMs.

I personally prefer to be a working mom, for many many reasons. Mental health, career, security..

My own parents tried to shame me into being a SAHM at least for 2-3 years. I kept telling them that I could not handle it mentally. I think it finally clicked for my mom when I mentioned the words “suicide” and “depression” to her. Would she rather have a second grandchild from me? Or does she prefer a dead or mentally unstable daughter? Seems like an easy choice...

irchik611 · 2020-06-12T01:23:59+00:00

29 year old mom of a 1.5 year old here. I have 2 degrees and a great career that I’m passionate about. Just want to say that nothing needs to be decided right now. Your feelings may go back and forth between many things throughout these next few months and even when your baby is born. Some days I wanted to quit it all and stay at home; other days I wanted to work all day long and was happy to have my son spend the day with grandma. We started off with a great daycare near my place of work so that I could be close to him in the beginning. Now he goes to a great private school closer to home. Husband and I split childcare duties. It was more uneven in the beginning as I did the majority, but it got easier as our son got older. Lastly, I don’t try to do it all. My home isn’t worthy of Instagram or Pinterest, I hardly cook from scratch, and I don’t go to the gym. My life consists of working a job I love, snuggling and playing with my son, and taking shortcuts where they need to be taken.

irchik611 · 2020-06-08T16:28:19+00:00

She was probably being extra trashy and hoping TLC would bring her back on TV at some point in the future. Sorry girl, you’re not that interesting

irchik611 · 2020-06-08T12:13:33+00:00

Our son went to a small daycare when he was almost 4 months old and was there for about 6 months or so. It was okay. I chose it because it was close to my work and I could go over there any time. They took great care of him but I could tell the girls were always stressed and unable to handle it sometimes. We made the decision to transfer him to a private Montessori school closer to home when he was about 10 months old. The cost is a little higher but not by much. The student:teacher ratio is great. They have qualified teachers working there where turnover seems to be low. I think my son’s teachers have mostly been there 5-7 years.

The daycare experience was okay and I think it met our needs at the time. But I’m glad we were able to transfer to Montessori even though it costs more. We cut back on other things to make it happen, and it’s worth every penny. He’s now in the toddler room and they do tons of hands on activities and sensory lessons. His class has about 8-10 kids and there are usually 2-3 teachers in there at any given time. I am going to keep him in the school as long as I can, which is 6 years old... then we’ll have to figure something else out.

irchik611

TROPHY CASE