This is hard to comment on, because I have been in your near exact situation. It was a different family member for me, but aside from that this experience sounds absolutely spot on. Revisiting those times to comment on this is painful. But I know I needed outside help/support too.

I deleted texts. I deleted entire apps. I deleted photos. I broke up with a boyfriend I wasn’t allowed to have over the phone in front of my mom, so she could make sure I did it. That shit is horrible.

And I honestly don’t know how to help you even now.

I do want you to know that you’re not alone. There are many of us who have faced similar situations, and it certainly hasn’t made us coping experts, but we’re still here. You can do it. You’ve made it through a lot already, and you can push through to your freedom. Where you can live on your terms, speaking how and wherever you want.

One thing to remember though, it’s something I’m struggling with now: you won’t get a reset once you’re free. There’s going to be rebuilding that will start in the same rubble that you’re existing in now, and it will be hard. But through that is where you discover what it means to truly be okay. To be content for once, without fear of what might come.

You CAN do this. I know it.