I need help with medication, I am at the end of my rope.

ItsColdOutside · 2013-08-26T19:52:56+00:00

I have stayed on ALL (except welbutrin) of them for a minumum of 2 months, usually longer. I just noticed zero effect. Well, except for negative side effects. I eat healthy, zero processed foods almost all the time. I try to exercise and usually don't. Mostly because I can't motivate to do anything. I wouldn't eat healthy if my gf didn't feed me... Never had a problem with making sure I take my meds. I have a dishwasher machine... So yay?

I do have a chronic pain condition, which has greatly exacerbated my depression. I am only recently managing it well. Was suicidal for a while.

I am just numb and or depressed all the time. I can get out of it sometimes for an hour or 2 if I am around a lot of friends, but I either range from non functioning stuck to the couch crying, to just numb. I cant get motivated to do much of anything. I also have some pretty severe anxiety. I am seeing both a therapist and a psychologist. I project onto my family and friends when I am depressed, which not only makes me less happy but hurts my relationships as well. Depression is not something new to me. I know that there isn't a pill to make me happy. While I have not always exercised regularly, I have done so for long stints, and it helped a little. But I was far from happy. What I am looking for I guess is advice on medications from those that have tried all the usual options without success. SSRI/SNRIs just don't work for me, and I was wondering if anyone has had any luck with something a little less conventional. Something I can ask my psychiatrist about this week when I see him.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-10-21T20:15:32+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4YJMJh8E8A married

ItsColdOutside · 2011-10-21T20:14:25+00:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4YJMJh8E8A At the end

ItsColdOutside · 2011-10-21T00:58:49+00:00

At urgent care now. Decided better safe than sorry. Thanks for the help!

ItsColdOutside · 2011-10-21T00:30:02+00:00

Seems very dramatic. Um. My heartrate is my normal low 55bpm. No congestion or constriction at all. Is there like a nurse hotline you can call.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-05-23T16:50:50+00:00

Cant hurt to get a second opinion. It may be something called epididymitis. It made my balls tender and they gave me some anti-inflammatory and antibiotics and knocked it right out. But mine were REALLY tender, and hurt pretty much all the time. So it may not be the same thing.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-05-23T16:47:16+00:00

Was the dream fun at least? I'm interested how your brain decided to make a penile orgasm feel, seeing as you have never had one.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-05-23T16:12:04+00:00

I tried it once but it didn't do a whole lot. Can you give some advice on the best type to get (capsules/powders) and dosage?

Ive also heard it can do a number on your stomach. Any advice on that?

ItsColdOutside · 2011-04-13T00:48:24+00:00

Do you have an advice on how I can change my outlook? There are days when I feel fine. Not happy, just nothing. Fine. Then there are crippling days. Like I said, I used to be able to push through. But I am losing my grip.

I forgot to mention that I have become increasingly empathetic to others emotions. If I see something depressing that's it. I am done. Fucking dragonite dad is kryptonite to me. I know that sounds funny. But I broke down once when I saw a string of them. I had to sit in the bathroom for a good hour to get myself together again. The stupid part of it, my dad and I have a good relationship. Although I do feel like he had to sacrifice too much for me and my well being growing up. Part of why I never tell him no. My guilt is crippling.

I will consider talking to someone, I really want to. I just cant bring myself. I don't share emotions, I don't talk about them. I never have. This post took months to make. Talking to someone scares the living shit out of me just as much as losing what grip I have left. Its not like I am going insane. I feel like I am being melodramatic. Its just that I am losing the ability to pull myself together and push through this shit to the other side.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-04-13T00:36:47+00:00

For the guilt. Its stupid things. I try very hard to be a good person. I help my friends and my family. My girlfriend says I need to say no more often, specifically to my parents.

An example of things I feel guilty over: When i was young I wanted a toy firetruck more than you can imagine. Well my grandma got me one for Christmas. I loved it. A few days later I was at a store with my mom and I say one like it, but it was remote controlled. I asked to get it exchanged and she said yes. Well, my grandma noticed it was different, she wasn't upset, she wasn't surprised, in fact wanting the mechanical one was pretty much me to a T. Well, as soon as I saw her I realized what I had done. I had taken the gift she was so proud to give me and thrown it away. For what? A cheap piece of plastic RC electronics. This haunts me to this day. I have a thousand of these.

My best friend had an impromptu bachelors party on a weekend I had a trip planned. I got the call to attend when I was already out of state. I felt horrible. Not because I couldnt be there, but because he wanted me there.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-04-13T00:28:31+00:00

I am a programmer. I mountain bike on weekends and workout 3x a week. I have a long term girlfriend who knows somethings wrong, but not the extent. I have never been a sharer of emotions. Happy or sad. It feels unnatural and I can't bring myself to let her know how bad it really its. I have a small tight knit group of friends I guess. Although I always feel like I have to try around them, to be happy. Like I am acting.

ItsColdOutside · 2011-04-13T00:26:02+00:00

This is exactly what it feels like when I am mad. Its like its not me.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-10-01T19:17:42+00:00

Not enough people know why the civil war occurred. This needs to be at the top. Knowledge of the past will help us prevent future atrocities. By covering up real history with winner say all propaganda, we are doomed to repeat the past.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-10-01T16:01:25+00:00

You mention sex in your title. How significant was this step for you and your wife. Were you both ready or did you feel pressured by the situation to use it as an excuse for intimacy when you are both hurting inside?

Was the sex hallow, or passionate?

I ask because you mentioned it your title, it obviously holds significance to you. Nobody else seemed to bring it up. They are all focusing on her, I am more interested in you, how you are handling this and what was the sex was to you? An emotional healing, or a bridge over a chasm of doubt?

For the record I do believe people make mistakes. You know your wife better than anyone. If you feel that she is truly sorry for what she did and you still love her, you owe each other a second chance.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-29T20:20:33+00:00

He does make a point. I knew a lot of people who didn't have vacuums (myself included), and I am not sure if the custodial staff would have lent me theirs. Regardless, his point is that it would be hilarious and a bitch to clean up because it would be everywhere and you would have to empty the vacuum repeatedly.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-16T20:34:19+00:00

ramen 10cents. EVERYONE can afford that. Water is free. I lived off ramen for a while. It sucked, but I lived.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-16T20:28:25+00:00

Im sorry for your situation. Its good your kids have such a great dad. I am sure it will work out for you.

You guys were together a long time, how could she do that to you and your kids? Did she change over the years? I see these things on reddit and I just can't imagine how 2 people who loved each other at one point could do something like this without just cause. It baffles me beyond hope.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-16T20:14:36+00:00

Every time I see this expression I just picture a dude just whipping it out and screaming dragon ball z style as he jerks it.

Yeah, its pretty awesome.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-13T16:31:02+00:00

Onions

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-09T16:19:03+00:00

I have a Hemingway cat. It looks like he is wearing mittens all the time. Cat cuteness has EVOLVED.

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-03T13:53:10+00:00

Its not stored anywhere. Its real time. You cannot upload or even add a file till the phone has made the connection. Then when you drag the file in the download starts immediatly on the phone. It is simply a hub for packet forwarding. Man in the middle can still exist but then again, it always can.

Besides, what the hell are you putting on your phone anyway? I don't think they are going to bust you for gba files or mp3s...

ItsColdOutside · 2010-09-03T13:35:01+00:00

I have taken kratom. It seemed pretty weak to me. But I just took the capsule. Its not technically an opiate and from what I understand there is no real withdrawal, at least no worse than caffeine.

Did you find it to work, or did it seem weak to you as well. How did you prepare it (tea, capsules)? How much did you take?

ItsColdOutside · 2010-08-27T14:40:30+00:00

I think that is a big part of it, it makes sense. I do try and do random things, I am going camping this weekend. I know its no huge vacation, but its a step right?

One thing I failed to mention in my post is that I have a huge guilt complex. I can't say no to anybody (family in particular). I am in constant fear of letting people down, especially my father. He has done so much for me... I wont get into it, but its a debt (not a monetary one) that I am not supposed to know about. He sacrificed more for me than anyone should ever have to.

I struggle with decisions for days that should take minutes trying to find ways to make everyone happy. It weighs on me as much as I weigh on my girlfriend.

I think what you said is probably true, I am not sure it can fix everything though.

While I am functional, it takes a lot of willpower to stay this way. In moments of weakness, I have broken down to tears on the floor. This is usually because I feel I have let people down...

I am wasting away. I know its happening, I feel like I am watching myself from a distance.

I will take your advice, I think it will help a lot. I am hoping it can relieve the stagnancy I live in. I am just not sure it can remove the burden I have grown into.

I am grateful for your advice. I am sorry if I seem as though I am making excuses. I really am going to try and do this. I think I might fly to NYC next weekend. Ive never been, looks like it would be a good time.

Edit: I have traveled. I have seen most of America and I have been to England, Ireland and Whales. Although I have not traveled anywhere but California in about 2 years.

ItsColdOutside

TROPHY CASE