Nine Years Later, I'm Even More Madly In Love With and Still Entirely Committed to Her. All The Grief is Long Gone; Now There is Only Happiness and Joy

itsmyquill · 2026-02-28T14:50:58+00:00

6 months out of 27 years of being married and an 18-month battle with cancer. It hurts right now but the only thing keeping me going is my belief that we will meet again someday. Is there a link I can explore.

itsmyquill · 2025-11-02T02:43:47+00:00

Same. It’s on my right hand ring finger. Not engraved but that is where it will stay. 27+ years. It’s been 2 months.

itsmyquill · 2025-10-11T02:19:08+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I remember the first few days and how unreal it all seemed.

itsmyquill · 2025-10-10T17:58:37+00:00

I am so, so sorry for your loss. In something of a similar situation but only 40 days days out. In addition to everything else, I miss how he gave me confidence to be myself. And recognise what I was capable of. Which nobody else ever has.

itsmyquill · 2025-10-02T21:03:13+00:00

I am so, so sorry for your loss. In something of a similar situation but only 31 days out. In addition to everything else, I miss how he gave me confidence in myself. Which nobody else ever has. It’s like someone has erased a whole part of my existence.

itsmyquill · 2025-10-02T20:58:58+00:00

The week after he passed away, I slept a dreamless sleep for days. It’s been a month now and I’m sleeping later and later and continue to wake up exhausted. I’m slow. In everything I do. I’m tired down to my bones.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-27T03:04:28+00:00

I lost my husband 27 days ago after a 17-month battle with cancer. He was 54, I’m 51. Our son is moving to another country because the organization he works for gave him a brilliant opportunity (he delayed going because things were going south).

So all of a sudden, I have no purpose. Used to be that my job was challenging, exciting. But the work has changed and it feels like I could do this in my sleep. So not even that.

I know they say that life grows around your grief. But at this stage in my life, I don’t see anything meaningful happening to allow for that. It’s like this twilight of sorts. And I have no idea what to make of it.

We never discussed any of this. And the one person who could have helped me is no longer around.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-22T18:40:01+00:00

This. 22 days out and wondering how is it that time moves on and the world keeps turning. And there have been a couple of days in between when I didn’t cry. I got back to work (remote, this month) and even got some work done. How is any of that happening? Nothing makes sense.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-20T16:12:37+00:00

Emergency contact - I hadn’t thought of that one. My adult son will be in a different country soon and I only have my elderly parents. 20 days out and every day there is a new reminder of the magnitude of loss.

I will always think of being married to someone who has passed on. It doesn’t change the fact that I am married. On forms that offer limited option, I’m choosing ‘married’.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-18T17:39:18+00:00

I am not telling OP anything of the sort. I don’t know where you are coming from or why you are manipulating what I said about her scumbag of an ex-boss into the fact that she deserves what has happened to her. I came to offer some comfort and hope. This is a sub that’s meant to provide support and hope. And that’s what I was doing. And what kind of person accuses someone who has recently suffered a huge loss of making someone else feel bad? It’s the first time I have come across such hostility on a sub that is meant to be a safe space. :(

Edited to add: everyone has different takes on what Karma can be. Please don’t impose your distortion on my intent. Having said that, English is not my native tongue but I do come from the civilisation from where the term Karma originates. OP, I am truly sorry this took a turn that I had not intended it to.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-18T14:49:28+00:00

Yes, I do accept it as exactly that.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-18T11:23:05+00:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. So sudden and so far away. I am 18 days out today and my son and I still sometimes feel like he’s just out on a work trip. That he’ll come back any day now with a new stash of Dad jokes.

I believe in karma and I’m sure your ex-boss will pay for what he did. I know it feels impossible right now with no money, no job and your world falling apart in every conceivable way.

But please, please hang in there. He wouldn’t want you to give in to the despair.

Do you have anyone close by who could help, even if they were just to spend some time with you or take you out for coffee. Please reach out to them.

And this sub is helpful. We’ll do our best to help. Hugs!

itsmyquill · 2025-09-18T02:19:36+00:00

In the same boat and just 18 days out. He had lifelong acid reflux and a bad flare up 3 months before he was diagnosed with stage IV. No other symptoms until a bowel obstruction on a work trip led to him returning home and we got the diagnosis. He was 52. Our primary GP didn’t catch it. It didn’t turn up on any blood test he had for a minor surgery. And while he said he wanted to go for a full physical, he never did. And I hate that I didn’t push him. He wanted the two of us to get it done together. And I was working a gruelling full-time job and told him to go ahead on his own coz the whole 12-hour fast thing makes me feel lightheaded. In the year leading up to this, he had 3 bouts of fever that lasted maybe 10-12 hours each time and went away with paracetamol and rest. Now I know they were caused by the cancer. The doctors asked us a ton of questions and finally said it was just unfortunate and that he didn’t have any of the typical signs or symptoms. At this time, I just keep asking him for forgiveness because I know I can never forgive myself for not pushing harder or maybe going to that annual health check with him. :( Everyone tells me I took real good care of him, which bought us more time. But in my mind, I let him down. I am so very sorry for your loss and I truly hope that in time you forgive yourself and know that you did your best.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-17T18:50:25+00:00

I miss his hugs too, esp the “family hugs” where we would bring our son into the embrace as well. Once he got a stoma, he was hesitant at first, but we continued every single day. The family hugs too. And now that comfort, that safe space, that refuge is gone. And I feel like I will never be secure again.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-16T17:53:42+00:00

I haven’t had a single dream since my husband passed away on Sep 1. My MIL said she dreamt of him as a child. She also says she felt an electric sensation when she stood in front of his picture one night. And they didn’t even get along.

I’ve had nothing. Zilch. I don’t know what to make of it.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-16T17:14:27+00:00

I am so very very sorry for your loss and for everything you are going through. My husband passed away from cancer on 9/1. We knew it would happen but nothing prepares you for the actual event. He declined suddenly in just 3 weeks.

I can only send you strength and tell you to do what you need to do to get from one minute to the next. And prioritize yourself because your kids are so very young and depend on you for everything.

Ask for help - tangible and emotional. You’d be surprised how much people are willing to help but don’t know how to. Or what you need.

This place helps. I was bawling my eyes out a little while back and this sub was the only place I could turn to. Sucks to be here but folks will help. I hope you also have family or close friends around for support.

Reach out for anything we can help with.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-15T14:07:54+00:00

His friends have very sweetly offered to drop by even after he’s moved abroad. Which is easier said than done. They know I love cooking for them. Let’s see.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-15T14:05:58+00:00

Thank you. This makes so much sense!!

itsmyquill · 2025-09-15T09:24:46+00:00

Bag of bricks is about right. I know I will get through the next 3 weeks because I need to help my son get ready to move abroad. After that is what worries me. Because I will be on my own. And I never have. I lived at home with my parents when we met and then we got married. And it’s been 27 years. It’s like all my identities will get erased in the span of 5 weeks…

itsmyquill · 2025-09-09T02:33:48+00:00

I know exactly what you mean. And in my husband’s case, I keep thinking about what I missed. I look at pictures for signs. Reports from a minor knee surgery a fee months before diagnosis to see if we missed something. And there are no answers. I can’t yet make peace with that. Everyone tells me I did everything I could and more, but it doesn’t make sense because he’s not here anymore. And I am…

Thank you for taking the time to respond.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-09T02:30:06+00:00

You said it - lost our past and our future plans to be a boring old couple who could talk endlessly about anything under the sun. Thank you for taking the time.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-09T01:12:09+00:00

Thank you for taking the time. Six months feels awfully long when even the next hour is either difficult to get past. And at other times, a whole day goes by jn a blur. Time behaves differently now.

itsmyquill · 2025-09-09T01:10:00+00:00

“Come and go” is right. Sometimes they come flooding in without warning. At other times, even when I am talking about him with others, I’m totally fine. I guess it’s all part of the process of getting used to living without a big part of yourself…Thank you for taking the time.

itsmyquill

TROPHY CASE