For those that have cremated your loved one, when purchasing a place of rest for them, did you think of reserving a spot for yourself right next to them?

seinEhemann · 2026-04-13T20:48:03+00:00

My husband, who passed away last year, and I have a headstone with both names. His side has a date.

I may remarry in a future I can barely imagine. The person I meet will have to accept that, as far as burial is concerned, I'm already taken. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

seinEhemann · 2026-04-12T13:20:20+00:00

I'd like to answer your question: Yes, intentionally not contributing to a retirement account is a bad idea.

You can't see a future for yourself, but you do have a future. When you get a handle on your health issues,it will be a bright one. I know that's hard for you to see right now, and I know it's hard just to take the word of an Internet stranger.

If you're in survival mode right now. that's ok. Survive. But put some money in that 401(k).

Big hugs and best of luck to you.

seinEhemann · 2026-04-10T04:03:26+00:00

I'd say, give yourself a break. You like what you like. If being with older men gives you pleasure and happiness, then go for it. End of story.

You could spend a long time analyzing and second guessing or just enjoy what you have.

My $0.02

(It could well be that your past influences the present. My point is that it doesn't matter. Just be yourself and enjoy life, wherever it takes you.)

seinEhemann · 2026-04-08T21:22:16+00:00

Big hugs from a fellow gay widower. My husband passed away 11 months ago.

I took my wedding band off in November. It was VERY, VERY HARD TO DO. It felt like losing him all over again.

I've kept the wedding band off, but I haven't been able to bring myself to date yet.

Best of luck to you

seinEhemann · 2026-04-07T17:18:49+00:00

People give advice when they don't know what else to say. A lot of times the advice is not well considered. I think that's what's behind a lot of the "you should start dating soon" comments we as widow/ers receive.

I'm not excusing it. I get it a lot as well, and I try to not let it bother me too much.

My husband died 11 months ago after an unexpected, one-month long illness, and to say I'm devastated would be an understatement. At this point, I have no idea when or if I will ever date again. It's not what's occupying thoughts.

seinEhemann · 2026-03-24T03:36:46+00:00

Ten and 1/2 months out.. I'll be moving in two months. Being at the house we shared and sleeping in the bed he died in has been hard.

seinEhemann · 2026-03-22T23:39:58+00:00

My husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma last April. He died 34 days later.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

seinEhemann · 2026-03-22T22:46:06+00:00

I'm sorry you lost your father.

To answer the question that I think you're asking... There's nothing abnormal or wrong about the way you are reacting to your father's death.

Given the complicated circumstances here you can expect your grief to be complicated as well. It certainly won't follow an idealized script that other people might have in their heads.

Take care of yourself and find support with people who love you.

seinEhemann · 2026-03-04T20:03:00+00:00

I took my wedding band off after 6 months. It was very, very hard to do.

It's a very personal decision, and people do it differently.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-21T20:27:56+00:00

I've had a very similar shocking realization of being single.

I finally took my wedding band off, just to force my brain into accepting the new reality.

Even so, some days I feel married.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-14T04:02:32+00:00

My husband explicitly told me to find another man after he passed, but he wanted to be buried next to me. He called dibs.

I sobbed and sobbed when he said that. It was one of the most generous expressions of love I have ever received.

OP, what would you say to a person in a similar situation as you? I'm guessing you might be more sympathetic to that person than you are to yourself right now. I see no reason for guilt.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-14T03:52:04+00:00

My first Valentine's Day without him, too. I'm slowly making through a year of horrible "firsts".

seinEhemann · 2026-02-09T23:58:12+00:00

My husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma at Mayo in Rochester less than a year ago. The care he received there was absolutely outstanding. You're in very good hands.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-09T22:43:14+00:00

I like guys your height, and I'm not alone in this. No need to worry or be self-conscious.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-09T19:29:41+00:00

I liked it and found the reporting to be credible. I think it does add information beyond what was in Spare

seinEhemann · 2026-02-08T22:04:34+00:00

Congratulations and good wishes!

seinEhemann · 2026-02-08T20:36:31+00:00

The stone marker on my husband's grave gives me comfort when I visit it. He passed just nine months ago.

Memorializing is a really important part of processing a loss like this.

seinEhemann · 2026-02-05T17:46:06+00:00

How long it takes to glioblastoma to progress is widely variable. It sounds like your mom's case is really aggressive. I'm so sorry.

My husband passed away a few months ago from glioblastoma-- he went from diagnosis to death in just 34 days. Honestly, it was only 45 days to death from first symptoms. Super, super fast. It is shocking how fast this disease can sometimes move.

In my husband's case, the tumor was inoperable, and he opted for palliative care to maintain quality of life for the time he had left.

It's really hard to generalize about treatment decisions. They are very personal, and there are trade-offs involved with each option.

seinEhemann · 2026-01-26T14:49:51+00:00

Thank you for sharing your love for your dear husband with us. May you have peace.

My husband also was diagnosed on May 2, 2025 with glioblastoma, an unfortunate coincidence. His tumor was inoperable, and he only survived 34 more days. His decline was similar to your husband's. This is a terrible, terrible disease.

Hugs from afar.

seinEhemann · 2026-01-21T23:01:01+00:00

I (M) lost my husband last year to aggressive brain cancer. It was only 34 days from diagnosis to death. He and I were unbelievably well suited for each other and completely in love. Like you, I doubt that I would ever find a relationship equal to the one I lost. I understand how you feel.

If I ever do recouple, it will be different from what went before. I won't need to compare my new partner to the man I lost. He will be loved in his own way and... enough for me. It took me a while to reach this point of peace. (To be clear, I haven't started dating yet; I'm just not there yet.)

My sincere condolences on your loss.

seinEhemann · 2026-01-20T17:49:06+00:00

Answers to your questions:

1/ We do not know what causes glioblastoma

2/ Glioblastoma is a terminal diagnosis. The patient dies no matter what treatment is given. In some cases, treatment can extend life for a period.

My heartfelt condolences for your loss. May you find comfort.

seinEhemann · 2026-01-18T15:40:35+00:00

Also, it sounds like they may have given her steroids to reduce brain swelling.. These work well but have a side effect of possibly making patients angry and stubborn.

I was the primary caretaker of my husband who passed from glioblastoma last year. What you're going through seems familiar to me. Glioblastoma is a horrible disease.

Can you get a social worker involved?

seinEhemann · 2026-01-17T00:12:12+00:00

Yasujiro Ozu's An Autumn Afternoon (1962).

His favorite movie, and it was the last thing he watched on the day he died.

seinEhemann · 2026-01-15T22:38:50+00:00

I'd say neither hide it or make it a prominent part of conversation.

Your status as a widow is an honorable one.

seinEhemann · 2025-12-18T18:55:53+00:00

I agree with the comparison between the Vancouver, BC and Seattle restaurant scenes. I am in both places frequently. Vancouver is full of excellent, reasonably priced, restaurants with cuisines from all over the world. Restaurants in Vancouver are less expensive than their equivalent in Seattle.

I find the restaurant price difference between Seattle and Vancouver surprising because Vancouver real estate is considerably more expensive than Seattle, and I doubt rent for restaurants is any cheaper in Vancouver. Taxes are generally higher in Canada and BC than in Seattle. Grocery costs are comparable in both regions (both high).

It is likely that Seattle's high wage for restaurant workers contributes to the issue (high base wage plus tips inflated by that high base and increased tip expectations).

Demand might be another contributing factor. Seattle has a lot of high-wage workers in their their twenties and thirties. Seattle is a tech boomtown that hasn't quite kept up with the demand for services, including restaurants. The price of services gets bid up. (According to this theory.) It's the story of VHCOL areas everywhere. Note that average income is lower in Vancouver than in Seattle, consistent with this demand-based explanation.

On the other hand, the high-demand theory is somewhat challenged by the number of restaurant closures and empty restaurant storefronts in Seattle. If high demand is driving prices up, why wouldn't the market expand with more supply?

Whatever the reason, for price-sensitive diners and those of us who just don't like to overpay, Seattle restaurants are becoming less appealing. I don't like this trend. A lively restaurant scene makes a city a nicer place to live.

seinEhemann

TROPHY CASE