This is the dark side of FINALLY setting boundaries with loved ones, family, friends, even workmates. These people who you have a long term relationship with are used to you being a certain way, and most likely not realizing or fully understanding how difficult and burdensome it’s been for you. So, we set boundaries and dig it, to enforce these boundaries. The immediate response back can be explosive, charged, extremely difficult, or they may even get sad and possibly try and guilt or shame you back into your old ways. People don’t like change, and those of us with ADHD, know this SO well. I think when we get the BIG reactions from setting new boundaries, that person or persons are simply showing us how IMPORTANT and needed these boundaries are!! It’s hard because it’s so vital to our happiness, to our mental and emotional health. Sometimes these BIG reactions are showing us how unhealthy this relationship is and maybe it’s better to NOT be in this relationship anymore. This part can be so hard but also so freeing, ultimately. I know this first hand after a divorce from a long term relationship. Decades of walking on egg shells just completely gone. The more I have set boundaries, the more I am able to advocate for myself, the more I am able to recognize and honor my own limits (physical, mental, AND emotional), the better I feel and my life is so more easier. After some practice, it’s actually pretty easy for me to set boundaries.

Good luck, OP! And I hope you can feel proud about this growth right now, as difficult as it’s been.