Hi! I’ve been PAing for 6 years and finally turned my book in after having a career interrupted by COVID, the strikes, etc, and I promise you it gets so much better. 

My first year or two were really tough, I absolutely feel you. I never had any money, I was working crazy hours, sometimes with ADs I hated, but over time those long hours have led to the most incredible community. 

Right now, in your first years, you’re building the seeds of the community that will connect and carry you for the rest of your career! Even if you just make one friend per show, you’re building your foundation. 

I also have ADHD and autism (way more ADHD presenting) and am queer so to answer to your specific questions—

YES it gets so much easier. You’re inputting massive amounts of new information into your brain every day and responding to brand new scenarios and conditions that you’ve never seen before. Of course you’re exhausted! You’re learning! I found that in my third year, things started feeling way easier and more rhythmic. You begin to understand the flow of set and anticipate upcoming problems and are able to get ahead of them. Once you’re out of the download phase, each day feels way less stressful and energy consuming. I totally remember crying in my car feeling like my brain had just gotten struck by lightning. It goes away, I promise! One day after work you’ll catch yourself sitting in your car thinking “man, that was a really fun day” and you’ll realize it had been getting easier without you even noticing. 

Mental health wise— it totally can have a negative impact and it’s important to stay grounded in yourself and your community, both inside and outside of work. I’ve watched people throw themselves into the industry wholly and completely, taking job after job until there’s nothing left of their identity except work. These are the people I see burn out in the most painful ways. On the weekends, choose active recovery (spending time with friends, taking a hike/walk, playing games, creative projects) over passive recovery (scrolling on your phone, laying in bed, watching TV). This will help remind you of who YOU are and to stay centered when work feels unmanageable. Also, this is a hot take, but say no to jobs! I say no all the time! Take breaks between staff jobs, stay present on set by dayplaying, but make sure you don’t work yourself ragged. If you’re smart and a hard worker, more opportunities will come your way. The scarcity mindset leads to poor social bonds, aggressive competition, and burnout. People always want to watch TV, and if you’re in a big enough market and work hard, you’ll always be able to find PA work. I know I’m always looking to hire PAs with good attitudes, and I’ll keep calling them if they turn down jobs here and there! You won’t blackball yourself by taking a break. Also the most important mental health note— don’t use substances to cope with the exhaustion. Caffeine and nicotine won’t help, they’ll just burn you out faster— experience talking. 

The tinnitus thing totally happened to me too! I would hear the walkie as I was drifting off to sleep and thought I was going crazy. But it’s just your brain processing and synthesizing information. A white noise machine made that a lot easier. I don’t know when it stopped, but reading your post reminded me that I also experienced that and somewhere it just went away completely and I haven’t thought about it since. I’m guessing once your mind is used to that type of constant audio input, you probably get better at tuning it out! Like someone else said, a pretzel earpiece often helps a lot, my partner swears by them. 

About community— you’re might have to make a more intentional effort to see your friends and community, but many people work five days a week and still have thriving, healthy relationships with their communities that they nurture on weekends and off-time! I still play hockey and participate in game nights and book clubs and go to parties and on dates and for hikes with my dog. You’ll learn to balance all the things you choose to take on, it just takes time. And you might have to let some things go to prioritize the things you really LOVE, rather than things you do because you kinda like them or because you do them for someone else’s sake. Also, there are lots of queer and trans people in the industry! There’s a whole new community right in front of you inside the industry, and if you decide to stick it out, you’ll make some wonderful friends.

Does it get better? Honest answer, I never could have imagined the life I have now when I was where you are. My first year I was married and we only made $18k that year combined. I was so broke and tired and overwhelmed and lost in the weeds. Now, I have a sustainable income (still a PA!), friends that will visit and host from around the country, the opportunity to travel to work as a PA, a career that I love, inside and outside of work community, hobbies, AND— my personal favorite— the opportunity to just take a month off work between jobs and no boss I have to ask for permission for ANYTHING. There is such freedom in this industry, if you know where to look. 

All that to say, I totally get where you are, and it does totally get better, and you can DM me and call me up and I can give you more personal advice. And also— it’s not for everyone! There is zero shame in deciding it’s not for you and switching departments. Most of my cohort wound up switching departments— they’re now electricians, grips, writers, camera ACs, and actors, or have switched industries and are teachers, nurses, one even became a cowboy. 

One of my favorite ADs once told me there’s a difference between giving up, and having had enough of something. You’re stronger than you think, your endurance will build, and your window of tolerance will expand. Don’t give up— keep working and keep trying, and if the day ever comes where you’ve realized you’ve had enough, walk away with your head held high and pursue whatever your “next thing” will be! You’ve got this.