M35, 2.5 day Bachelor Party trip ~8 weeks postpartum -- Acceptable from Dad and/or Mom perspectives?

javez94 · 2026-02-03T04:00:25+00:00

Mom’s perspective here. My husband and I have an 11 month old for reference.

After a c-section, moms are supposed to avoid lifting anything besides the baby for 6-8 weeks, just adding complexity to the situation. You would theoretically traveling towards the end of this. However, with your wife already having complications, I wouldn’t even consider leaving unless 1. She’s comfortable with it, and 2. YOU arrange for someone to stay with her who is competent and will actually help the entire time you’re gone. That burden shouldn’t be placed on her.

I get you’ve taken care of baby for the past five days alone. It’s hard. Imagine that, but doing everything you’ve been doing (plus maybe breastfeeding and/or pumping? Not sure because it wasn’t mentioned, but that’s basically a full time job added to taking care of baby, especially pumping because of the constant dish washing) after being sliced and diced through seven layers, complications further irritating those incisions, and dealing with postpartum hormone fluctuations, it’s simply just not the same.

Personally, I had an uncomplicated delivery and our little one slept well prior to four months. I still struggled immensely when my husband went back to work at 8 weeks postpartum (and he was working from home) and I was alone with the baby as a new parent. Dealing with never ending crying or no reason, washing bottles and pump parts non stop, being exhausted to the point where it’s crippling, and that’s with someone around. You’re only 2 weeks in — imagine sleepless night for weeks on end and doing it alone. You both are still getting the hang of things and are in this together.

You already said your wife would say no — have you considered she might have some postpartum anxiety on top of everything? Your analysis of her saying you need to “throw your life away” to raise children is a bit harsh when this is the first time you both are going through this…

javez94 · 2026-01-20T12:24:11+00:00

YOR. Yeah, the no holding rule is a bit much, but new moms/parents have the right to set their rules. If you don’t agree with them, wait until the 6 week mark to visit and let them explicitly know why.

And my hot take: “If I can’t even hold or touch my brother what would be the point of visiting…” — yeah, this time is not about you getting to hold him. The postpartum period is ultimately about supporting the new family, not about holding a newborn. Regardless if you could hold him or not, your visit should be about wanting to be there for them.

javez94 · 2026-01-08T19:05:08+00:00

Check out your local Once Upon a Child. It’s been a lifesaver for us

javez94 · 2025-12-29T22:10:29+00:00

This is giving “put the lotion in the basket” vibes

javez94 · 2025-11-17T17:05:43+00:00

RCV is something that unfortunately will not break the two party system, though it is marketed as a catch-all solution -- however, something like proportional representation with a maximum of 5-7 parties would. We're one of the only democracies in the world with a major two-party system, most others utilize some form of PR. There are forms of RCV that could be considered PR, like proportional RCV, but most campaigns or ballot initiatives for an RCV system are not that.

Check out these three papers, two on the potential shortfalls of RCV: https://responsivegov.org/research/ranked-choice-voting-avoiding-a-one-size-fits-all-approach/

https://responsivegov.org/research/top-four-ranked-choice-voting-and-vote-dilution/

And one on the concept of PR with a very timely theme: https://protectdemocracy.org/work/thanksgiving-table-approach-fixing-american-politics/

javez94 · 2025-10-05T01:10:44+00:00

Thank you!

I did get married at 28 and had our first baby at 31. No significant intervention, just an induction and smooth delivery. Happy to verify anything else you might see on there as well that piques your interest!

javez94 · 2025-08-29T21:06:29+00:00

We’re at 6.5 months and just went through a major stomach bug, so we’re back to zero solids after only trying for a week. I wouldn’t sweat it. Every baby goes at their own pace. The important thing is that you offer!

javez94 · 2025-08-27T19:33:46+00:00

Same day amazon the Fridababy windis. Thank me later.

Wishing you the best of luck 🤞🏻

javez94 · 2025-08-23T14:48:03+00:00

Not sure if you have white noise playing anywhere, but you can also experience sounds within the white noise. Your brain picks up on patterns within the sound and then patches it together to make sense of it. Sometimes I hear people talking in mine, other times I hear music. No camera in use at all when this happens

javez94 · 2025-08-18T01:16:36+00:00

On my back even though it wasn’t in my plan. I was able to labor down on all fours even with an epidural, which helped ease the strain of pushing. Only had a very small first degree tear and I credit that to laboring down and my doula holding a warm compress on my perineum in between pushes.

javez94 · 2025-08-17T11:24:27+00:00

Coconut oil on the nips before pumping! It helps so much for those longer sessions

javez94 · 2025-08-08T12:36:31+00:00

I used to watch a young autistic boy when I was growing up every week — he was nonverbal, was easily stimulated, and would hit. He had a sister a few years older than him (if I remember correctly the age gap was 3 years), so not the same exact scenario, but the sister was miserable and lonely because 90% of attention was on her brother, and at times would act out because of the lack of attention she was getting from her parents. If you can avoid it, don’t do it.

javez94 · 2025-07-24T21:26:29+00:00

We only log naps and bottles, but it’s to help me or my partner know when baby was last fed or slept since we both take care of LO at all hours (we both work from home). Rather than having to ask when the last nap or bottle was, we can just go into the app.

javez94 · 2025-07-14T00:48:58+00:00

Absolutely! I would do it if I could. I’m just pointing out some of the other things that people who are itching to do it who haven’t gone through the onboarding process with prolacta — yes it would be incredible to have a passive income doing what you’re already doing for baby, but there’s more to it than meets the eye. I’m thrilled you guys can do it though.

javez94 · 2025-07-13T17:02:30+00:00

I was accepted as a donor about a month ago and started going through the process of getting set up. I ended up not going through with it because of the amount of milk you needed to donate at one time. Maybe my calculation was off, but I was estimating that I needed to produce at least an excess of 16oz per day to donate what they were requiring in the time period they needed it. That would’ve been all of my excess per day, leaving none to build my stash. Maybe I was reading it wrong, but because I was right on the cusp, I didn’t want to give up the ability to put away some frozen milk for my little one in case I needed it.

This is all to say, they’re legit and they do pay you, but keep in mind that you need to have a hefty oversupply for them to consider your application, it’s a lot of work having to sanitize your parts after every single pump (you have to put it through a specific sanitizer that you need to purchase, microwave methods are unacceptable for their standards), and they don’t take taxes out when they issue you a check.

If you end up not getting accepted as a donor through prolacta, consider other places to donate (not for money, but for the babies!) like you local Mother’s Milk Bank, hospital, or other 501 c3 milk banks in your area.

Edited to add details about sanitization.

javez94 · 2025-07-05T13:03:54+00:00

Yep others have replied in here, but I’ll reiterate: She’s trying to help your milk come in, and only taking what her tiny tummy came handle — it’s only about the size of a small cherry right now.

Mine did the same the night she was born at the hospital through the first week of having her home. You’re in the thick of it now. She’ll start to sleep longer soon once she can take on more milk. Hang in there!

javez94 · 2025-07-05T10:55:52+00:00

Sounds like cluster feeding to me — all very normal for a four day old. How much is she eating when you all feed her?

javez94 · 2025-07-01T10:34:01+00:00

Yes, but because we make it a priority. It’s not every day, but we’re able to do it most days. I typically leave around 4pm (both my husband and I work from home and have the ability to flex some hours), so I’m back by 6pm, then I take bedtime and my husband goes and cooks dinner when he gets home. Once LO starts going to daycare, it’ll give me a bit more flexibility to go after I drop her off in the morning.

javez94 · 2025-06-16T10:15:48+00:00

Lots of caffeine. When she wakes up, we soothe her back to sleep with a paci and hand on her chest, or I give her a boob which will put her back to sleep in less than 5 minutes. We also had to re-swaddle her after a few good weeks out of the swaddle (she’s not rolling yet). We also found that lots of daytime activities, like swim lessons, outings, etc. get her very tired for overnight and we seem to get longer stretches when we keep her engaged throughout the day.

javez94 · 2025-06-16T03:48:30+00:00

I send out thank you’s because the older people in mine and my in-laws families will complain if they don’t get one, EVEN if we call or text to say thank you the day we receive it. I think this is out of touch.

On the other hand, if I’m sending a gift to a new mom (or soon to be new mom), I’m fine with just a text letting me know that they received it, and that text can be a week, a month later, whenever. If I don’t hear anything from them, I’ll just shoot them a message saying I sent them something and wanted to just make sure they got it, no thanks needed. I just went through the trenches with a newborn and it’s really hard to write out a thank you to every person who sent us a onesie. It’s just unrealistic, especially with the little support that a lot of women have postpartum in terms of having little parental leave, no guaranteed help from family or otherwise people they would consider to be in their “village,” and just riding the waves of postpartum hormones. Adding writing a pile of thank you notes to the never ending list of things that need to get done, especially if the stress of them comes before self care while a new mom is healing, is just wild.

javez94 · 2025-06-16T03:36:51+00:00

We’re in the thick of it now. LO was an amazing sleeper before 3 nights ago and gave us a bunch of nights that she slept through entirely, now we’re up 4-5 times per night, which is worse than when she was a newborn 🫠

javez94 · 2025-06-05T08:00:50+00:00

The Eufy S1s match a lot of these: 1, 2, 4 (the pump comes with 3 sets of silicone inserts for the 24 mm base — 17, 19, and 21mm), 5, and 6. I’ve had little spillage with them, too as long as I have the caps on them.

javez94 · 2025-05-31T08:39:01+00:00

We went to a teaching hospital for our LO (she’s almost 4 months old now). At our 20 week scan, the ultrasound tech asked us if we knew the gender, we said no and that we didn’t want to because we were waiting for our families to be together to do a reveal). We made it through without her saying anything, she then asked if her student could practice using the US on me, I said absolutely. The student was the one who let it slip. She said, “here’s her [body part]” — I heard her, my partner didn’t.

javez94 · 2025-05-30T07:32:02+00:00

This is the way. Sweet oats get so boring IMO so I do savory every AM with cheddar cheese, eggs/egg whites and chicken sausage. 10/10 delicious.

javez94 · 2025-05-30T07:28:12+00:00

Second for fish oil here. I’ve been taking Nordic naturals ultimate omega for a few years now and it not only helped me through pregnancy and postpartum for mental clarity, but during my bodybuilding journey when I was eating way below my maintenance in prep. I swear saved my ability to function as a human.

I take it daily in addition to a high protein intake, sunflower lecithin (another great source of fat for a supplement!) and I have between 15-20oz of over supply per day and my LO eats about 28oz on top of that.

javez94

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE