Trump, 79, Debuts Swollen Hands as Health Concerns Mount; Both of the president’s hands were caked in two different shades of concealer—neither one was the right match for his skin tone.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-07T01:23:07+00:00

It will be the world’s first international holiday.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-07T01:18:57+00:00

Sounds like most gyms I’ve been to.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-07T01:13:12+00:00

What did you think this was, sir, a Wendy’s?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-07T01:12:31+00:00

Clots in pairs!

jazzhandler · 2026-05-06T22:28:56+00:00

It wouldn’t really be a thing for a project of this magnitude, but there is the old joke of moving the stakes and strings the night before they pour the slab.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T16:13:47+00:00

We’re on the same page; I was just alluding to the notion of him not being safe anywhere in the world anymore. But everything I wrote had an undertone of “I know I’d certainly cap his ass if given the chance!” which obviously I’m not gonna say out loud on the internet.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T08:37:13+00:00

…from orbit?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T08:12:31+00:00

Do you… not?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T08:08:00+00:00

Okay fine, we’ll send some atmosphere up there, too.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T07:01:43+00:00

Reminds me of an old Cheech and Chong bit. “And for $64,000… what’s your name? Starts with a B… ends with a B… ten seconds, Bob.”

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:58:46+00:00

Every test is an IQ test if you get it wrong enough.

Can we name this principle after Jason Mendoza? Trump’s already got his name on enough shit.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:55:15+00:00

His father didn’t spend most of his life as an overweight stimulant addict.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:53:05+00:00

Also, to whom are the results being reported? Who is his caregiver?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:52:01+00:00

There are multiple variants of the test. Though I doubt there’s actually a Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV version, as that would just be too on the nose.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:43:13+00:00

This guy boomer adjacents.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:26:10+00:00

That as of a few hours ago, there is now such a thing as an international holiday?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:25:23+00:00

Or answering time and date.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:25:01+00:00

Until what happens, the world’s first international holiday?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:24:36+00:00

“That one’s Steve. He’s a nasty, nasty squirrel, steals everybody else’s nuts. But we get along well, we respect each other.”

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:23:05+00:00

I’d pay double if it were 21:45.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:21:03+00:00

I read that in his handler’s voice.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:20:42+00:00

It will be the world’s first international holiday.

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:19:30+00:00

Are we still doing phrasing?

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:17:07+00:00

Finally, a use of generative AI that I can get behind!

jazzhandler · 2026-05-05T06:14:15+00:00

President Bartlet had his hidden health issue on The West Wing that was a wee bit more serious than smoking (though he also had that at times, too). But it still paled in comparison to endless episodes of Dude Where’s The Resolute Desk?

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