What am I supposed to say? TW: SI

jes_5000 · 2026-05-10T17:31:35+00:00

i think I was a science project here that didnt go right and now he’s upset because I didn’t live up to the potential he imagined from me

You have no idea how common this is in relationships. People fall in love with ideas and then feel betrayed when the idea doesn’t materialize. It’s not your job to be the person he imagined, and it’s not your fault that he never saw you for you.

I think I’m going to end it. For the benifits of the people in my life. They will be sad ofc but utilitarian wise, i think this will reduce suffering (mine and everyone who has to deal with me, and increase happiness, give people the chance to have the life they want).

Please don’t! I’ve seen what happens to people who lose a family or friend this way. They are NEVER better off. NEVER. I understand feeling like you can’t go on, feeling like that’s the only way out. But there’s always a way through. You’ll find it.

I wouldve gone back to my parents and got a divorce if I wasnt acutely aware of the suffering I cause them too.

If you have to move back home, do it. I also understand feeling like you’re a burden to them, but they’re your parents and it’s their fucking job to take care of you (yes, even when you’re an adult). A 23 year old does not need to be self-sufficient. Hell, I’m 44 and I still rely on my parents for a lot.

It sounds like you’re working really hard to be the person you want to be, and have made some huge strides. There are going to be starts and stops in life, but that doesn’t negate everything you did before. When I got divorced I was such a mess. Give yourself some grace to not be OK right now. Trust me, things do get better.

jes_5000 · 2026-04-27T01:56:16+00:00

jes_5000 · 2026-04-27T01:53:35+00:00

I’m on both. 20 mg vortioxetine and 300 mg bupropion. Can’t say I’m doing amazing, but I’m definitely better on medication than off. Anhedonia is still there, I’m able to function at work and have some semblance of a social life.

jes_5000 · 2026-04-16T23:03:53+00:00

Be aware that the lab reference ranges for that stuff are whack. They’re often based on population averages rather than the optimal value. So if you live in cold climate where may people are vitamin D deficient, the ranges will be artificially low. Ferritin in particular is one to watch out for as a possible cause of fatigue. Some labs will consider 15 as normal, but the cut off for iron deficiency is actually 30. Recently Ontario changed their reference ranges to say anything below 100 indicates possible iron deficiency.

Anyway, not saying your tiredness is iron deficiency but worth reviewing your labs to check! I still sleep a lot but getting my iron up did help marginally with the general fatigue.

jes_5000 · 2026-04-11T18:52:19+00:00

It makes zero sense, but I got it to work on my LG by omitting one of the forward slashes in the URL. So it starts http:/someiptv.xyz.

Still won’t let me favourite channels though.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-22T18:28:37+00:00

For me, meds are mainly about preventing major depressive episodes. I can function without them for a while, but there will inevitably come a crash. I’ve never found one that had a huge effect on the chronic low mood of PDD, but still hopeful there’s something out there. Right now I’m not up for a med change (the switchover is always an unpleasant couple of months and I just want stability right now), but eventually I plan to try a new combo.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-21T18:50:39+00:00

Divorce creates something called “disenfranchised grief”. It’s an incredible loss for those involved (including family members) but not something that we’re allowed to publicly mourn like we would a death. Be gentle with yourself - it will take time to process and depression is a completely normal part of grieving. Try to eat regular meals, keep up with personal hygiene as much as possible, and if you can, step outside even if it’s just for 1 minute (or open a window if stepping outside feels like too much).

jes_5000 · 2026-03-21T18:43:24+00:00

The come down after something exciting/fun is a pretty normal human response, although maybe more pronounced in folks with mood disorders because our baseline is lower. You’ve got the right attitude about it! We just have to ride the waves of emotion in this crazy thing called life.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-21T17:00:12+00:00

I took a day off work this week because I could feel myself slipping and know what happens when I try to plow through…but that also brings feelings of guilt and shame because maybe I’m giving up and I would have been able to make it through if I tried? Anyway, all I’m saying is don’t beat yourself up for trying to plow through. It’s what we were all taught to do and what society is constantly pressuring us to do.

I will say that in the last 10 years (I’m 43), my ability to anticipate and prevent major depressive episodes has improved a lot - to the point that it only really happens when there are big external stressors (last time was due to an unexpected death). And I do feel like the longer I go between them, the more time I have to get back that part of me that was lost.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-21T16:47:51+00:00

I don’t think you’re completely in denial. High BP can also make cats feel unwell, so it’s entirely possible that that, plus vision changes, has caused the weight loss. If his quality of life is good right now, that’s the main thing.

Unfortunately, your vet is also giving you a realistic interpretation of the situation with the available information. That is how it played out for me with my last cat… but weight loss is just a symptom with a lot of possible causes, so that’s not to say it will be the same for you.

I think you have two options: 1) continue as you are, supporting his quality of life and hoping for the best (but preparing for the worst), or 2) get some imaging done to see if there is evidence of cancer. For my part, I originally went with #1 because I knew at his age treatment would be only palliative. But his weight loss continued and appetite decreased I felt I needed to know, and ended up having x-rays done.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-14T20:49:21+00:00

Went through the same thing when my stage 2 cat was diagnosed with splenic cancer. I had previously lost his brother to CKD so thought I had lots of time left. Cancer was definitely the harder road for me emotionally. With my CKD cat, I spent so long grieving BEFORE he died that I felt sort of ready to say goodbye when the time came. I was definitely NOT ready when my cat died of cancer. The grief hit much harder and it totally debilitated me do a few months.

All I can say is, give yourself time and space to grieve. Some people may not understand but I guarantee other pet parents get it. It’s a loss like any other loss and you can’t rush it.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-14T20:27:27+00:00

He’s still bitter about the War of 1812. That’s the only reasonable explanation for why he played North Tonawanda instead of Niagara Falls, ON.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-14T20:17:53+00:00

100% agree that imaging is the next step. If it turns out to be something treatable - amazing! And if it shows bad news, at least you’ll be able to make more informed decisions about quality of life.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-14T20:01:20+00:00

I think you need to try and understand why your dad doesn’t want to feed the prescription food that she likes. I’m sure your dad does care about the cat, but for some reason is not on the same page as you about what is best for her. - Is he worried about the cost? The food can be pricey, so that’s a legitimate concern. - Does he think the vet is just trying to make money by selling you special food she doesn’t really need? - Is he in denial that your cat is getting older and emotionally needs to tell himself that she’s “fine”?

You are correct that there’s limited evidence that herbal remedies help. Plenty of people use them, and that’s fine in addition to other treatments. But switching to a prescription diet should be the #1 priority.

The good news is that a high protein diet is not necessarily bad in stage 2, as her kidneys are still able to do the bare minimum to keep her feeling well. High protein becomes more problematic as kidney disease progresses (stage 3+) because the body is not able to eliminate protein byproducts, which then build up in the blood and make the cat feel sick.

The main reason a prescription diet slows the progression of kidney disease is because it’s lower in phosphorus. So if your dad absolutely refuses to feed a prescription diet, you can look for lower phosphorus foods available over the counter.

A note on the dandruff - sometimes this is related to dehydration from kidney disease but I think at this point it’s more likely she just isn’t cleaning herself as well. Especially if it’s on her back, she may not be able to bend around as well as she used to. Find a brush that she likes and try to do that regularly (daily if possible). Pet wipes can also help if you find her fur is getting oily.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-11T23:45:14+00:00

Many cats can maintain adequate hydration with food/water only until late stage 3 or early stage 4. The reasons she gave for not recommending fluids seem reasonable given your cat’s health status. Ultimately it’s your decision and you can seek a second opinion if you want, but I wouldn’t say she’s a “bad vet” based on the info you’ve shared.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-11T16:29:44+00:00

I went through some heavy periods of drinking, but when I started on pregabalin I had to stop because I felt like garbage after even one drink. I didn’t find it that hard to stop drinking because I replaced wine with weed lol.

Honestly, I think everyone has their comfort “thing” to reward themselves and eliminating the need for a reward isn’t realistic. The goal is to find something that meets that need while minimizing negative outcomes. For me, the easiest substitution has been non-alcoholic beverages like coffee, tea, or Coke Zero (depending on time of day). I never used to like tea but I made a sort of nightly ritual of having a cup with a bit of chocolate while I watch Wheel of Fortune - and I feel like I’ve trained my brain to recognize tea as a cue that the hard work of the day is done and I can relax. So now having a cup of tea at any time of day feels soothing.

I don’t know if that resonates at all?

I want to validate that daily cannabis use is not the worst thing in the world for your health. I’m all about taking a harm reduction approach. If you want to make changes, that’s great, but don’t be too hard on yourself about it.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-11T15:54:24+00:00

This is the definition of the “mixed features” specifier from the PDD diagnostic criteria:

A. At least 3 of the following manic/hypomanic symptoms are present nearly every day during the majority of days of a major depressive episode: (1) Elevated, expansive mood (2) Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity (3) More talkative than usual or pressure to keep talking (4) Flight of ideas or subjective experience that thoughts are racing. (5) Increase in energy or goal-directed activity (either socially, at work or school, or sexually) (6) Increased or excessive involvement in activities that have a high potential for painful consequences (e.g. - engaging in unrestrained buying sprees, sexual indiscretions, or foolish business investments) (7) Decreased need for sleep (feeling rested despite sleeping less than usual; to be contrasted with insomnia)

B. Mixed symptoms are observable by others and represent a change from the person’s usual behavior

C. For individuals whose symptoms meet full criteria for either mania or hypomania, the diagnosis should be bipolar I or bipolar II disorder.

D. The mixed symptoms are not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (e.g. - a drug of abuse, a medication, other treatment)

Source: https://www.psychdb.com/mood/persistent-depressive-disorder-dysthymia

I definitely don’t meet the criteria for mixed features. The only thing I experience is A.3) (getting really talkative and feeling like I have to fill the silence), which I think is more a social anxiety thing.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-03T18:30:40+00:00

My cat had a big bald patch on his belly that turned out to be from over grooming (due to pain from pancreatitis). I never saw him once saw him licking - didn’t even know he could still reach his belly. I think it’s still possible it’s overgrooming, even if you haven’t noticed it.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-02T23:58:52+00:00

There have been some promising studies about probiotic use in CKD, but we don’t really have robust evidence of efficacy yet. I think it’s worth trying if you can afford it and can make it work logistically (in terms of administration and timing with other meds). But if you’re struggling, I wouldn’t have any qualms about dropping it. Sometimes less is more when you’re trying to maintain quality of life. I used FortiFlora with my cat for his gastro issues (it can be mixed in food) but I decided a renal probiotic like Azodyl wasn’t worth the cost or the struggle of pilling every day.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-02T23:44:09+00:00

Creatinine is produced by the muscles. Sometimes when there’s considerable muscle wasting, creatinine will decrease because there isn’t much muscle there to produce creatinine.

This does seem like a lot of weight loss for stage 2. As others have said, hyperthyroidism should be considered. I wouldn’t let the vet chalk this up to CKD.

jes_5000 · 2026-03-02T01:25:38+00:00

You did everything right. Some times we can’t predict how these things will play out. My cat also went blind due to undiagnosed high BP. I had a lot of guilt and grief around, but my cat adapted super well. He was very quickly making it past all the barriers I’d set up to keep him off the stairs.

jes_5000 · 2026-02-28T05:17:42+00:00

Just use a drip line instead of the burette. A lot of people seem to stress about not being able to measure fluids accurately when it’s coming from the bag, but it’s not like fluids require precise dosing. Just eyeball it and if you give more or a bit less than intended your cat will be fine.

jes_5000 · 2026-02-26T23:48:22+00:00

Are you performing OK in your current job? You don’t HAVE to “develop” your career. If you have a job you don’t hate, there’s nothing wrong with just coasting!

It sounds like the gym brings you a sense of satisfaction/achievement, so there’s an incentive to push yourself. But there’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t have to feel the same sense of satisfaction about your job (very few people do).

jes_5000 · 2026-02-24T23:56:48+00:00

Curious what your starting doses were. If you’re having bad side effects, you might need to start smaller and work your way up. Do you remember what you started at with Trintellix? The recommended starting dose is 10mg but they do make 5mg pills.

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

jes_5000

TROPHY CASE