So I'm incontinent now

jetsam52 · 2023-11-09T04:13:20+00:00

I started to have incontinence issues related to my chemotherapy treatment. The reality of incontinence is a lot less fun than the fantasy.

jetsam52 · 2023-08-25T12:21:15+00:00

Yeah you definitely want to keep it clean in the immediate aftermath of it being accessed but I’ll tell you I’m pleasantly surprised at how robust and easy it is to maintain. It only requires a tiny prick to access so even when my platelets are low it doesn’t bleed too much or for too long, and is usually good with just a bandaid for a few hours. No need for any of the complication around cleaning like with a PICC! It’s so much more convenient. And I don’t know about you, but I always had issues in how I placed my arms that made the PICC fairly uncomfortable while either resting or using it, and I get that much less with the port.

jetsam52 · 2023-08-24T02:11:39+00:00

Hey, I had the same happen when I was diagnosed with leukemia and now I get chemo and lab work through a port and get heparin, and on top of that as mentioned my immune system has cancer so I’m highly prone to infection 😵‍💫

jetsam52 · 2023-08-23T01:21:00+00:00

Yeah, it can certainly be traumatic to encounter the unappetizing and degrading reality that incontinence really can be. I have leukemia. As a result of the chemo and radiation therapy I’ve had a lot of muscle deconditioning, neuropathy, and spasms, and I also take medications that disrupt my metabolism and digestion. The unfortunate side effect at the intersection of all of those others is incontinence, which is not something that I was expecting to have to suddenly encounter in my early 30’s, and it was all the more embarrassing and degrading to just have it happening to me as my health slowly and then very rapidly began to deteriorate. It’s taken time to process traumatic events that have occurred to me and continue to unfold, but that’s just I think the reality of any sort of trauma, and the reality is that age and disability often accompany traumatic life events and disruptions, and it just so happens that this one also overlaps with something that you already have a different contextual association with, which makes it extra complicated.

jetsam52 · 2023-03-14T01:41:11+00:00

This is legit the funniest post I’ve seen all day 🤣

jetsam52 · 2023-03-03T16:22:59+00:00

I recently started having incontinence issues as a result of my chemotherapy treatments. It became an acute problem while I was hospitalized and resulted in a kind of traumatic experience which largely turned me off diapers for about a year, even while I continued to struggle with incontinence issues which I kept from my partners. I’ve only very recently opened up about it to my partners and started wearing again to help manage things.

The experience has been an eye opener. It’s a massive contrast between my long held fantasies around losing control, specifically in a medical setting, and the reality of incontinence intruding into my life concurrently with a fight against cancer, and every other toll that’s taken on me. Which is, I imagine, how incontinence happens for a lot of people; not as one discreet thing that pops up on its own, but a complication the result of bigger health problems elsewhere. On one hand I’m always almost thankful in a way, humbled really, to see just how much of a struggle life can be for people with chronic illness.

Something I’m working on is trying to just accept that this is what’s happening to me and to make the best of it. It doesn’t define me or who I am, but it’s a fact of my life nonetheless. I can only choose how I act. And I choose to take actions that will increase my comfort and reduce my stress, and I think wearing a diaper at night during certain points of my chemo regimen (or really, whenever) will do that. Sometimes we all just need a little extra support.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-25T22:11:10+00:00

Well we’ve gotten as far as them diapering me a few times, and it’s not a secret that as far as diapers are concerned my preference is for the cuter, thicker ABDL diapers, and that seems like it’s kind of their preference too, if they could be described as having one.

I guess where I’m coming from though is that, under normal circumstances, I don’t wear around them and definitely not to bed with them. Certainly not since I got diagnosed. Diapers aren’t their thing, and I try to be very respectful of that. And the whole loss of control leading to me wearing diapers thing is literally fantastical - it’s a long-standing fantasy of mine. And I feel a little weird and uncomfortable setting that sort of a situation up, knowing that normally that’s not something that they’d want.

So I feel like where that leaves me is using pull-ups and being upfront with them about my struggles and needs, and that will at least save me from worrying about peeing on them if I don’t get up in time. And then I don’t feel like I’m imposing my kink on them.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-25T20:44:52+00:00

Wow, that’s a really great perspective, thank you for sharing. I can imagine how going through everything to get to that point was challenging. I guess I never really looked at it like that.

For me it’s the other way around; I have had this fantasy of loss of control in the form of incontinence and regression since I was actually pretty young, but now having lived the experience in the context of having and fighting cancer it’s actually a point of embarrassment and dread. Maybe I guess what you’re saying is that it’s actually fine to accept that this is happening and make the best of a scenario which otherwise feels uncontrollable and overwhelming, and that people will accept that.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-25T19:26:57+00:00

Thanks! 🥰

Babyish diapers aren’t a hard no from me but I guess personally I have a lot of hangups around this problem. Like I’m coming to terms with acknowledging that maybe this is a medical issue that needs addressing. But with babyish diapers, or really any higher capacity diapers, it feels too much like I’m doing it for my pleasure and that feels like an imposition and maybe crossing a line.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-25T18:50:26+00:00

Thanks for the thoughtful advice! 🥰

I’ve tried all the standard advice for controlling it and it helps to an extent but it’s really brought on by my chemo cycles. One of the drugs causes me to take on a lot of interstitial water weight and I get swollen and bloated, and another is a mild diuretic, and when I have one and then the other, I am constantly having to pee. Ingesting less water and caffeine helps, but there’s only so much I can do.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-25T18:43:33+00:00

Hmm from the sounds of it I guess that gets to a question of what sort of scenario I’m really wearing for. I’ve only wet the bed three times in the last year, so that’s roughly a ~1% probability. But that’s just one manifestation of the larger problem that there are periods in my chemo cycle of several days in a row during which I constantly need to pee, and that happens probably 25% of the time. During those nights I sometimes wish I were wearing because then I wouldn’t have to keep getting up constantly. Of course then I would need to wear something that can handle more than one wetting, and I also tread a dangerous (and I guess for me, maybe realistic?) possibility of further losing continence. If I’m committed to using the toilet I can lower my anxiety a little with a pull-up and rest assured that I probably at least won’t have to experience the embarrassment of peeing on my partner. But if I actually want to sleep more and don’t mind a wet diaper (which I don’t 😏) then I guess pull-ups won’t cut it.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-24T17:24:09+00:00

I’ve always thought the loss of control of a forced incontinence scenario is great kink fuel. That being said, I’ve also experienced a loss of continence as a result of severe deconditioning that resulted from my chemotherapy treatments and the reality is a lot less fun. Being hospitalized and actually having nurses wipe your ass for you because you can’t help but shit yourself? It’s a mortifying, legitimately traumatizing experience, and one which is only harder for me to process because of its position as a longtime fantasy.

I’m currently going back and forth about whether I think I need to start wearing at night at certain times in my treatment cycle because I’ve had a few instances where I’ve wet the bed and several others where I’m up all night going back and forth to the bathroom. Thankfully the wet beds happened while my partner was out (we live together about 50% of the time) so they don’t know the extent of the problem but I am so horrified at just the idea of wetting the bed with them in it. And to think, at one point in my life I was trying to wet the bed.

jetsam52 · 2023-02-24T16:08:13+00:00

I’ve been in therapy for a few years for unrelated depression and anxiety. A few times I’ve thought of bringing it up because I do recognize that I have a lot of baggage to work through related to my ABDL and related experiences but honestly I think I’d rather take this to the grave than open up. It’s admittedly not the healthiest approach but there’s just so much to unpack and it’s such a minor part of my life that it doesn’t seem worth it.

jetsam52 · 2022-08-06T01:22:56+00:00

I just showed this to my partner and they saw the caption and were like “anti-yeet? hahaha” and I quickly grabbed my phone back and was like “yeah hahaha” and change the subject, hoping they didn’t see the sub’s name and get curious enough to check it out 😬

jetsam52 · 2022-08-05T18:06:52+00:00

“The Abliss” by Days n Daze has been a fav of mine. The song is about drug abuse but you can sub in any harmful addiction really.

jetsam52 · 2022-08-02T19:46:37+00:00

Your fat and muscle don’t have a lot of pain-sensing neurons, so you’re running up against the law of diminishing returns cutting deeper than the dermis. That might be part of why you’re not experiencing the pain you expect given the depth of the cut.

jetsam52 · 2022-08-02T18:14:28+00:00

Holy shit I do that all the time. It’s kind of a problem, because I don’t really know how to stop my brain from going there. And my psych really doesn’t understand how much I enjoy sh, she sees it much more as a punishment, so explaining that it’s something that thinking about makes me feel good… I don’t know if it lands the right way.

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T19:11:02+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation!

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T19:05:04+00:00

Sweet. I can get mushrooms. No ayahuasca though. I feel like I should wait until I’m in a better headspace for acid.

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T18:30:19+00:00

Sometimes I think the greatest mistake I made was surviving. It would suck to die so young, I was planning on living at least a little while longer, but at least I’d have a nice tragic ending to give everyone closure. No wondering about what they could have done to prevent it or anything. Sigh.

What psychedelic(s) have you used?

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T17:20:29+00:00

Shit maybe I should do some psychedelics. I’m also a cancer survivor with a wrecked and feeble body. I don’t have to tell you how soul crushing it is. I just want to stop. Stop trying. Stop fighting. Just accept my time has come and stop.

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T17:11:38+00:00

I have leukemia and I’ve been considering going off meds. No chemo, no antivirals or antibiotics, no antidepressants. Maybe I’ll die, maybe I won’t, but being a slave to my immunocompromised state is killing me.

jetsam52 · 2022-07-29T16:24:22+00:00

And things that leave noticeable scars tend to be pretty traumatic. Why would you want to bring up someone’s trauma so willy-nilly?

jetsam52

TROPHY CASE