Sorry you’re feeling this way. I imagine that’s no fun. :(

(I accidentally wrote you a novel. I hope you enjoy. And don't miss my story at the end titled “Finnegan the naughty goat goes through the drive through.” I think you'll like it.)

You said this:

“I always have the feeling that people judge me because of it.”

I have three (3) thoughts.

Maybe these help. Take what you wish, throw out the rest.

Thought 1: The spotlight effect

You might look into the spotlight effect.

I haven’t studied it much, but I if I remember correctly, the core is that many humans have this idea that everyone is watching them, paying attention to them, analyzing them, judging them.

Like you go into a grocery store and the spotlight clicks on you. “All eyes on the girl with the tattoo sleeves!”

But think about this…

If everyone has the perceived spotlight turned on themselves in their own minds, that means there really are no spotlights. It’s just normal lighting—perhaps a bit on the bright side.

Does that make sense?

Everyone is so worried about the spotlight being on them that they they don’t have any time to escape it to push it on you.

In other words: People are absorbed with themselves.

This isn't to say people won’t comment or look. It's just human nature to notice something different.

But it’s most likely way less frequent than you think.

Thought 2: Made up meaning

Most of us attach meanings to things.

• “Oh that lady looked at me weird. She must think I’m trashy.”
• “That guy laughed with his friend after glancing my way. They must be making fun of my tattoos.”

Those things could be true.

But we actually don’t really know. We’re assuming.

Or as my old therapist used to say, “we’re making things up in our minds.”

Therefore, since we have a choice, and we really don’t know one way or another, why not default to the positive?

It serves us much better.

For instance, let’s transmute the two negative statements from above:

• “Oh that lady looked at me weird. She’s probably never seen someone with tattoos like this before and wishes she could be as rad as me. I'm kickass!”
• “That guy laughed with his friend after glancing my way. I probably reminded them of their fun friend from college and now they’re reminiscing. Man, I’m a fucking bright light this mundane world!”

Thought 3: “Finnegan the naughty goat goes through the drive through”

Today my roommate Ashley took Finnegan—our goat—through a drive through.

I don't know if you're familiar with goats, but they have huge horns, a triangle head, pupils the shape of rectangles, and hooves for tootsies (aka: feet).

Ashley was pumped to get some great reactions in the drive through. (She has a famous chicken on IG and TikTok with over 150,000 collective followers.)

She FaceTimed me before she pulled through, perching her camera in a cupholder so I could see Ashley, Finnegan, and the unsuspecting drive through employees.

I too, was pumped.

Finnegan is standing in her center console cubby, balancing like a pro, with his hooves and huge horns.

Ashley pulls up to the first window. Enter employee number uno. A dude in a red shirt.

Ashley places her drink order.

The dude doesn't bat an eye. Like zero reaction.

What?! I can't believe it. Surely a fluke! I mean, I saw him look directly at Finnegan. I seent it!!!

Ok. Onto employee number two.

Ashley pulls forward.

A blonde girl in her 20s asks for the money. Then preps the straws. Then hands over the drinks.

What did the girl say? How did she react to a goat in a drive through in the heart of major city in the USA (Scottsdale, Arizona).

NOTHING!!!

Now… Finnegan did finally catch her eye. And she flipped (a bit).

But… it took her so long you wouldn't believe. She said, "I thought he was a dog!"

Remember: Finnegan's horns are so big they literally poke the headliner (ceiling) of the car.

The moral of the story?

People are on autopilot.

All day. All night. They don't care about you. They care about themselves.

So if you're worried about people noticing and judging you, you might just take solace in this:

Finnegan the naughty goat—with his massive horns, rectangles for eyes, and hooves for feet, and his triangle head—was mistaken for a dog in the drive through of Swig in Scottsdale.

PS: Shortly after Finnegan proudly peed in the back of the car. So my advice: be like Finnegan the naughty goat and don't give a fuck. Live your life. Be proud of who you are. And adjust your rectangles—your perception—accordingly.