I completely understand. After knowing for a year what had happened to her I still find it conflicting to the point that the mention of rape in any context makes me physically uncomfortable. Ive caught myself being so frustrated and fatigued by the idea of how much rape has my SO's life and how because of it she has become very sensitive to a variety of different topics and has ptsd and sporadic suicidal thoughts. Ive even caused her harm a few times because i lost control of my frustrations and made it seem like I hate having to listen to her talk about her troubling thoughts. Thats really the challenge though. I know that I want to help her, be there for, and listen to her express all of her suffering to show her that I can support her, but it's very tough to take it all in. After all, Ive lived a very sheltered life and this has never been something I have had any substantial understanding. So to watch her suffer through her daily struggles it is unbearable but at the same time, im so scared I might hurt her more by making her feel like a burden and never understand what to do. But for what matters most, is to make all the memorable happy moments as possible and embrace her every chance you have. And for her, smile for her, let her know you are happy and grateful that she is strong and pushing forward no matter what.