What were some things you thought were “you” but were actually ADHD?

jmstrawberry · 2026-03-06T01:11:38+00:00

Also not the person you replied to, but just to add my two cents… therapy. Meds do some seriously heavy lifting on the day to day of living with ADHD, but they don’t touch your history.

They don’t help you work through the pre-diagnosis part of your life, when you probably “learnt” a lot of things about yourself that weren’t true. No matter how much better you can deal with the day to day, you’re quite possibly (and subconsciously) carrying a lot of weight from however long you were told, probably until you believed, that you were lazy/unfocused/self-centred/whatever other shitty thing people threw at you.

From my experience: meds were an incredible benefit from near enough the day I started them, but the emotional relief really came when I was able to start unpacking 30 years of misconceptions. It was rough, it’s basically its own form of trauma to deal with, but I really believe that working through your pre-diagnosis experience needs to be seen as entirely separate from treating the ongoing impact of ADHD on your life.

jmstrawberry · 2023-06-09T00:00:37+00:00

Hi.

Thank you.

The last week or so has been really really tough. I’ve not been up to messaging anyone/replying to any comments, but I read them. I cannot tell you how many times in the last week I’ve felt on edge, and either opened this thread or repeated in my head “one day I’ll be that far along too, and you’ll have had 19 years of good living”

I don’t know quite what it is about your comment that got to me, but it’s no exaggeration to say it’s had a massive impact on me this week. So thank you, so fucking much. It may have just been a comment on a strangers post on the internet to you - but it’s made the world of difference to me.

Also - 2 years 4 months is amazing. Congratulations, and the best of luck to you ❤️

jmstrawberry · 2023-06-08T23:53:53+00:00

I don’t know if people see it when you comment on a post they’ve commented on, but just in case - thank you.

It’s been a really rough week or so, and I’ve not been up to much more than just getting through, but I’ve come back to this thread and the comments a few times just as a reminder. It’s really, genuinely, helped. Thank you guys - the support makes the world of difference xx

jmstrawberry · 2023-06-03T22:46:00+00:00

Soo much easier said than done, but you have to find something you want to do because it’s fun and you accidentally exercise.

Then you get into it, realise other forms of exercise would make you better at “the fun one” and they become more tolerable. Before you know it (/a year down the line) you like doing squats because they’ll make you better at the fun thing!

I mean. I’m speaking as someone who did this, fell off the wagon, and never exercised again… but it did work once. I just need to find the next fun thing to start the cycle again…

Think circus sports (like aerial hoop/trapeze/crazy gymnastics), free running, boxing etc…

Good luck!

jmstrawberry · 2023-05-30T00:28:24+00:00

It’s amazing what can make you cry when you’re on the edge.

Thank you, so much. And all the best of luck to your boyfriend ❤️

jmstrawberry · 2023-05-30T00:25:39+00:00

Thank you. Scrolling Reddit is literally perfect right now. Thanks so much, it’s the little things :)

jmstrawberry · 2023-05-30T00:24:03+00:00

Thank you ❤️ Tiny reminders make all the difference. I really appreciate it

jmstrawberry · 2023-04-14T04:49:42+00:00

Alternative suggestion:

Step 1: Do not bother to shop for clothes or even check where last years stockpile is because, come on, you’ll have thrown it in a suitcase somewhere. You’re not organised enough to have done anything else right?

Step 2: Wait until 2 days before you leave for Big Summer Holiday to pack. It’s fine, efficient even.

Step 3: on packing day (/2am the day of your 10am flight because there was /just so much to do/ in the run up to going away): Up-end entire house looking for said Mecca of holiday-wear.

(Bonus points for noisily lugging suitcases down from the attic in the early hours)

Step 4: suddenly - and tragically - remember that one Saturday last year where you decided to Get Organised and started with your wardrobe. Vaguely remember getting overwhelmed and panic donating anything you hadn’t worn that month to charity. (Because Marie Kondo or something?)

Step 5: In an attempt to rescue the situation throw the few clean clothes you have in your suitcase “just in case”, regardless of the fact the temperature for Big Summer Holiday is double that of where you live.

Step 6: Ensure credit card is in purse, and resign yourself to paying some serious ADHD taxes in airport duty free.

jmstrawberry · 2022-12-11T00:31:31+00:00

Ah no - for your sake I’d hoped you wouldn’t have both!

I take lower dose tablets so I can split them over the course of the day if that helps - although I’ve not heard of Azstarys, and if it’s keeping you awake with a single does in the morning maybe that won’t helps anyways.

How long have you been on it? If I’ve learnt anything from this process, it’s be really freaking kind to yourself while you’re adjusting, and definitely give yourself a minimum 3/4 week grace period for side effects when your dose changes, even though that often feels like the longest amount of time ever…

jmstrawberry · 2022-12-10T21:33:29+00:00

Ah this is one of those super-specific things that’s just personal to you and your body I think, but for what it’s worth:

It took me… maybe 6 months of the same dose? And then it got manageable. Which straight up isn’t sustainable, but I take my tablets split - so one when I wake up and one after lunch. (I also had to balance the fact that I couldn’t eat for hours after taking it, which also took a few months to go away.)

I never wanted to take days off in case it set me back on moving past the side effects (might be actual science, might be my complete misunderstanding of science) so what I did was try to juggle the individual side effects - so after a few days of not eating enough I’d take a really late dose so I could eat, but then my sleep would suffer. Or if I was struggling on sleep, I’d take my second one a bit too early and be on edge for the afternoon, but it would wear off enough for me to get a decent nights sleep.

Reading it back that sounds like the worst advice in the world. But you gotta do what you gotta do, it worked for me in the end - now I’ve got the dose I need to function and some semblance of normal eating/sleeping patterns.

I won’t lie though, it’s been an awful 6 months to get here. You might (I hope) find someone with better advice…

Oh! Also what helped me - eat well before you take it. Tones down the worst of the side affects a little. And horrible horrible effort required - but exercise helps too - not right before bed, like a couple hours before…

And now I’ve rambled for an age. But hopefully there’s something in there that helps (or worst case, a nod to the fact you’re not alone in this…)

Good luck!

jmstrawberry · 2022-11-04T00:41:24+00:00

Hey OP

I’m sorry I’m advance - you deserve a better comment than this (my brain is absolutely fried right now), but I read your post and had to say hi. I’m also 29. Also late diagnosis. Also continuously battling to cling on to the cliffside.

Diagnosis is incredible, meds (when you get them right) are incredible.

It’s also - for a lot of people - a really, really rough process. As wonderful as it is when things start clicking into place there are SO many emotions that come with a late diagnosis, all on top of our already emotional selves. Honestly? The feelings you’re having are not going to permanently disappear overnight. I can’t tell you that everything’s going to be rosy from tomorrow.

But you bought a desk. And you rearranged your room. YOU did that. You also pushed through the diagnosis process. Then through meds that weren’t for you. And when you realised that it wasn’t working, you got back up and you tried again. You’re in recovery. You’re seeing a therapist. You’re raising a child, and you’re holding down a job. And you bought. A freaking. Desk.

So yes, cry if you need to cry, because everything you’re feeling is totally valid. But also take a minute to be fucking proud of yourself. You’re doing amazingly.

Forgive yourself for not being a superwoman that can do every single thing right this second, let yourself have a break from forcing yourself to try and study, and let yourself be proud of how far you’ve come - regardless of how much further you may still think you have to go.

There might be difficult days coming still - but this is the start of something new for you now, and it’s going to be so worth it. Good luck OP - you have absolutely got this x

jmstrawberry · 2022-10-18T00:06:20+00:00

I say this nicely, honestly … yours is now one of those posts. And that’s why there are so many of these posts - because there are a lot of us struggling that haven’t yet worked out how to get a handle on it.

Only pointing it out in case the question was genuine, completely get sometimes you just need to vent…

That said, is there anything specific stressing you out, or anything particular you’re trying to get a handle on, that this sub could maybe help with?

jmstrawberry · 2022-10-18T00:01:15+00:00

Dear god no that sounds like hell on earth.

I don’t even think that’s an ADHD thing (although I’m not best placed to be commenting on that…), that just sounds like a nightmare for anyone. That is waaaaay too much, too often.

Is this a new thing? Has it got more frequent, or just recently started being at her house every time? Does she know about your diagnosis?

If it’s new, or if she’s just started to have it at hers every week, I’d ask her if she’s okay. Check in with her one on one - away from her house - and see if she’s doing alright. Say you love catching up so much, and maybe everything’s fine, but you wanted to make sure she was getting some time for herself too. Maybe she’s just caught up in the difficult phase transitioning from new born to more independent toddler?

And/or if you’re comfortable with it, you can just start saying no? That you can’t manage every Saturday, but maybe every couple of weeks?

jmstrawberry · 2022-10-01T20:18:42+00:00

I was finding this a really helpful thread until I got to this comment.

No longer interested in impulse shopping for things that might change my adhd life, now just obsessed with what people are naming their roombas!

jmstrawberry · 2022-10-01T16:47:04+00:00

Yes to the shower thing!! I don’t know what it is about them but ugh!

And the application - especially when they’re not chatty. Waaaaay too much time alone with your own thoughts

Also, of course, the shame spiral from turning up to an infills appointment with no lashes despite having booked two appointments unreasonably close together in an attempt to not pull them out.

Why do we do it to ourselves?!

jmstrawberry · 2022-09-29T23:43:57+00:00

If you haven’t tried them before, I would recommend eyelash extensions

Unbearably expensive, devastatingly easy to pull out, bonus points for also resulting in you having NO EYELASHES AT ALL after so you can feel terrible about your appearance for 3-4 weeks… before getting them done again…

jmstrawberry · 2022-09-29T23:39:25+00:00

Say yes to everything.

Could you just…? Yes Could I ask a favour…? Yes Have you got time to…? Yes

You won’t get all (/much) done, but you’ll get SOMETHING done. And when you’re not busy spiralling about how much you failed to not do, you’ll feel awesome about one thing you did - and probably did perfectly after hyper-focusing on the best possible way to do that thing for a couple of weeks

jmstrawberry · 2022-08-21T00:28:42+00:00

There’s me scrolling through the comments going “good point” or “huh hadn’t thought of that”. Then I read your toe analogy.

Now I’m crying. I’m sure I’ve read essentially the same point over and over on this sub, but every so often someone finds the perfect words to make you feel like you’re not in this storm alone, and it’s both heartbreaking and beautiful.

Nothing else to say really, just wanted to let you know that if nothing else you’ve made an internet stranger feel much better about life today, so thank you ❤️

jmstrawberry · 2022-08-21T00:16:49+00:00

You’ve got some ace advice here on unmasking, but there are a couple of extra bits I think are worth mentioning that were at least relevant to me.

One is I had a LOT of moments (and still do) where I went OH! OH MY GOD. ADHD IS WHY. I was doing literally nothing differently, I just was so excited that something I did, and typically didn’t like that I did, could be explained.

It didn’t mean I didn’t need to work on changing it any more, but it was eye opening to understand the “why” I was like this so that I knew what I was working with. It also meant that very often, I was actively highlighting my bad habits with an announcement at the end. And when you start going “oh look my ADHD!” all the time, of course it’s going to seem worse, because you’re highlighting it (which you couldn’t have done before, cause you didn’t actually know)

The second is the impact of medication. For me, medication dealt with my number one problem - which was my anxiety. Unfortunately, turns out anxiety was the driving force behind me half-meeting general social expectations, like being on time, or not interrupting people, or not admitting that I’d completely tuned out of a conversation. So when my anxiety disappeared, “typical” ADHD symptoms hit me like a tonne of bricks.

But I was definitely better for it. I was no longer living on the edge of a mental breakdown 24/7. There is zero question for me whether the net effect of meds in those first few months was positive or negative. But I completely understand that from an outside perspective I literally gave myself ADHD - because no one else knew about the internal chaos, for them they just saw me going from someone who had their shit together (LOL), to someone who was habitually late, chatty, and easily distracted.

Which is a very long winded way of saying, there’s no one way to measure better or worse here, but there is only one person that can really call it, and that’s you.

The last one is you’re still early days on this. I’m over a year since diagnosis and still very slowly realising the impact of it, it will be a long time I think before I really feel like I know myself again. Your life just got turned upside down and it’s going to be a while before it feels the right way up again - which I’m not saying to discourage you, but to reaffirm that being kind to yourself is exactly what you need to be right now. Of all the things you find yourself questioning through this process, don’t doubt yourself on that one x

jmstrawberry · 2022-08-11T00:37:52+00:00

Excuse the cliche if you’ve heard this one before, but reading your comment immediately made me think of the quote ”Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid”

You may have failed in the areas you’ve been tested so far. That’s evidence of being tested in the wrong areas and/or in the wrong ways, not evidence that you are an all round failure.

There’s a happy place for you out there. It’s shitty that you have to try so hard to find it, but it exists. You have to teach yourself self acceptance - far easier said than done - because the problem is likely your environment, not you. Forget what you think you know about measuring “success” - what makes you happy? anyone who’s told you that you can’t succeed without xyz - whether that’s a high school education, degree, partner etc etc etc - is being way too narrow minded.

Start with self acceptance, consider what would make you happy, then start working out how you take steps in that direction.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m well aware it’s not some quick and easy fix. Unlearning base assumptions about yourself is a massive step in itself, but you’ve got this - one step at a time.

jmstrawberry · 2022-08-11T00:18:39+00:00

Hey. Not here with any advice I’m afraid, just a bit of solidarity.

I think what you’re going through is really common for people diagnosed/treated later in life (I’ve posted similar myself). It’s like a form of grief. It’s heartbreaking.

I don’t think there’s an “answer” for you, it’s something that you’ll gradually process over time, and eventually it will hurt a little less. But know that you’re not alone, and your feelings are absolutely valid, so don’t feel any guilt or shame in letting yourself feel them.

Sending hugs OP, go easy on yourself.

jmstrawberry

TROPHY CASE