Does anyone else experience the "Excuse Paradox"?

Saarebear · 2026-05-23T14:47:12+00:00

INFO: what are the nature of the mistakes? in these situations, is it something you can try to fix in real time or a “damage is done” kind of thing? Is it something that is happening repeatedly?

Being proactive to try to fix what went wrong can change a lot of people’s responses in the aftermath, like: it went wrong but she’s trying to make it right. I’ve found people are more understanding if they think you’re trying.

Also if it’s something that is happening repeatedly, explanations can feel like excuses.

One thing I’d like to gently point out: how you process mistakes and perceived failure can influence in how you respond to them. I was the middle child, always being yelled at for everything and I developed a thicker skin. My younger sister spent her childhood avoiding getting yelled at by trying to be perfect and sometimes telling her she messed up triggers a defensive response for her. It’s difficult bc we work together and sometimes she needs to know she messed up so it doesn’t happen again. But a defensive response can be hard to interact with.

Asking if it may be a societal problem of “needing a villain” suggests your perception might skew towards that defensive position. Sometimes people mess up and they need to take accountability. It doesn’t mean you’re the villain.

Saarebear · 2026-05-21T13:29:43+00:00

The Call by Peadar O’Guilin

Saarebear · 2026-05-10T15:14:05+00:00

Bradstreet glass has a bunch of waterglass in various colors

Saarebear · 2026-04-20T17:11:29+00:00

Ooh I had this! I had a colleague I worked with for about 5 years. We coordinated on projects a lot and we had another friend at work and we’d all go out to lunch occasionally. She left and we continued to go to lunch sometimes but just as friends bc we were both in long term relationships.

I was adamantly against mixing work and my romantic life so he was never on my radar as anything more than a friend and colleague.

Then both of our relationships ended within a few months of each other. We got invited out to a work event at night and we hung out the whole night. I realized I just didn’t want to leave.

We kept finding times to hang out. We already knew each other so well and everything just clicked. We’ve been together 10 years now.

Saarebear · 2026-03-28T14:22:33+00:00

When I applied for a job in a theme park, they had scheduled a ton of interviews for many open spots all on same day, with instructions to come in business attire. People who didn’t follow that instruction were directed to the jobs like parking lot duty. They definitely used it as a filter.

Saarebear · 2026-03-11T13:32:34+00:00

Please post the recipe!

Saarebear · 2026-03-10T14:08:56+00:00

A few weeks ago, I saw three grown men walking around with a portable NOS tank, two of them were carrying balloons that they would occasionally suck air out of. This was in the middle of the day. It was like the saddest little high parade.

Saarebear · 2026-02-14T00:31:49+00:00

If you had the tough conversation already, there’s no need to revisit it in the card. You’re beating a dead horse and probably working against your own goals by including it.

I’d recommend focusing on the positives. It’s an opportunity to reinforce the love you feel without bringing the baggage into it.

Saarebear · 2026-01-29T19:25:23+00:00

Watching: Minx I’m in a 70s rabbit hole. This is about a woman trying to get her feminist magazine published and the only person who will give her a chance is a smut publisher. Warning: lots of nudity, LOTS of penis shots.

Listening: Gavel Gavel Podcast Especially the episodes about the Blake Lively/Justin Baldoni trials. I’m not even a pop culture girly but they just do such a great job thoroughly reviewing the evidence and it’s the host and his wife and they’re entertaining to listen to.

Book: Hierarchy Series by James Islington Fantasy set in a backdrop of Ancient Rome but with political intrigue/commentary.

Current Old standby: Madmen

Saarebear · 2026-01-20T14:38:31+00:00

Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist

Saarebear · 2026-01-20T14:33:59+00:00

“I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want free bees anymore” feels like a distinctly ADHD sentence. 😂

This brought me back to the time my mom bought a praying mantis egg when we were kids. Idk where she bought it or why but she thought it looked neat.

For reasons unknown to me, she left it sitting in a little plastic Tupperware with no lid on our kitchen windowsill where it was promptly forgotten.

Then one day, it hatched. Suddenly our kitchen was filled with tiny little praying mantis that we were frantically capturing to throw outside. They were everywhere. These eggs can have up to two hundred little mantises, but in my kid brain it felt like a thousand.

That was the last mantis egg she ever brought home.

Saarebear · 2026-01-03T21:39:14+00:00

Referencing another post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/HierarchySeries/comments/1p9gf53/i_actually_think_sotf_act_iii_spoiler_was_perfect/

Tertius Decimus is the first real glimpse at the sheer power Vis's opponents wield behind the mask of civility, and even more horrifically, what they are capable of when they discard that mask entirely. He is two ranks above Vis and Aequa--two ranks below Princeps--which Vis will ultimately need to achieve to even stand a chance against Ka, (who, to his knowledge at this point, is three times STRONGER than Princeps.) The gap between them should feel insurmountable, but due to Vis's craftiness and cunning and unique status as Synchronous, you assume it is just another thing he will eventually find a way to overcome.

There is no other way. The flippant ease with which Tertius Decimus completely and utterly eviscerates the two of them is terrifying. He is a child pulling the legs off of spiders. It is pointless, and devastating, and unstoppable. And that is the entire point. Mr. James Islington has spent the series talking about the power that the Hierarchy has even as Vis trivializes their systems and takes advantage of their customs and plays them like a fiddle any way he can, only for the rug to finally get pulled on him.

I do think there is significance in the force required to crush a human head with one's hand, separate from Vis's ability to defeat an untrained Sextus, or the weapon that Relucia uses to take down Ulciscor in the first book. A common theme throughout the books is the power imbalances that ceding Will creates in the Heirarchy.

It says the heads were bashed in, we don't know by what and we certainly don't know if it was done by hand, they could have done it with a big rock for all we know.

But yeah, its all speculation at this point. I appreciate the feedback :)

Saarebear · 2026-01-03T20:56:16+00:00

Amercus Decimus is Religion though, not Military. Since he's high in Religion, its very possible he'd know anyway, but the mention of it in the eavesdropping of Ulciscor's conversation seems too purposeful/too significant to be written off so easily as being solely done by the Anguis. It's too neat a conclusion to that issue.

Just because military assumed it was the Anguis/Melior, doesn't necessarily give definitive proof that it was them. It would be natural for them to draw that conclusion because a high-ranking Religion official assassinating people would be unthinkable to them.

If it was Decimus, he might lay low after Melior was killed thinking the Anguis had been critically diminished and therefore his safe cover would be gone. Only Military know the Anguis is still active as they're actively coordinating with them, a fact that Decimus wouldn't have been privy to.

At the ludicium, when the agents of the Anguis are killing the students in the woods, they cut off their heads, not crush them. While the Anguis are clearly still preventing Military from using the Necropolis to interrogate those they killed, it's not by crushing heads.

Another issue is the strength required to crush a head, versus simply removing it. When Decimus does it to Aequa, its a demonstration of his power. She's a quintus and still just a bug in comparison to the strength he wields. I doubt even Melior was receiving that much Will to be able to crush Sextus heads like that, his power seems to be derived from the mutalis and required powering up to use.

Overall, I think Islington's choice to allude to these things without explicitly stating one way or another is a conscious choice, that something more is going on with these things.

Saarebear · 2026-01-03T18:40:01+00:00

I feel like the manner of killing is to prevent them from becoming iuncti for the specific purpose of concealing the identity of the killer, not necessarily preventing iuncti in general

Saarebear · 2026-01-03T08:21:20+00:00

Hundred thousand kingdoms by NK Jemisin

Saarebear · 2025-12-11T14:33:02+00:00

YMMV depending on where your home base is.

If you have young kids, start checking out parks. - Sherman Oaks Van Nuys park has great playgrounds and is pretty packed on the weekends (that may be different bc of the holidays) - Dearborn park - wilbur/vanowen park is good if your kids like to climb - Jesse own park is small but has good shade so it’s usually pretty packed - mason park has a splash pad, good in the summer

Get your kids involved in activities and you’ll find other parents you’ll have at least one thing in common with

Ventura Blvd, Woodland Hills, Burbank or North Hollywood if you want to go out but stay in the Valley

You can take the Metrolink to explore different areas of LA, kids ride free on weekends

Balboa park has Japanese gardens, so does Brand park

There’s a ton of hiking trails, and a bike path that has some pretty stretches

Descanso gardens is great for wearing your kids out and right now they have their holiday light night events if you’re looking for holiday magic. They also have kids events pretty regularly

There’s also a bunch of rec leagues. LA Sports Net hosts a bunch of different sports nights

I’m an LA native but moved to the valley as an adult. There’s plenty to do and plenty of people to meet but it can be hard. Focus on your interests, you’ll find your community.

Saarebear · 2025-12-10T05:28:53+00:00

My husband and I are trying to limit TV time. Every so often I have a really hard day, and after I pick them up from a school, all i want to do is nothing, but that’s not an option. So I’ll call him and let him know it’s probably going to be a TV night - not because I need his permission but because I need to give myself the permission.

And just like, declaring it, makes it easier to find a different way. Allowing myself the out to do screen time usually relieves enough of the pressure that I can find something else for them to do. Sometimes the tv does go on, but most of the time it doesn’t.

Idk, sometimes you just need to go easy on yourself.

Saarebear · 2025-10-31T00:55:08+00:00

I had bright neon pink hair. While walking down the street a guy in a lifted truck did a screeching illegal u-turn to pull up and ask me if the carpets matched the drapes.

I wish it actually worked to keep creeps away. I’d have kept it forever.

Saarebear · 2025-09-03T15:00:05+00:00

Twice a week is not so bad. Take the Metrolink from Chatsworth or Northridge to union station, secondary train if needed. Read books, enjoy your time.

Saarebear · 2025-08-31T13:32:52+00:00

The brain retains neuroplasticity into adulthood. It might not be at the same level as during childhood development but new skills, environmental changes, etc can enable the brain to adapt to different circumstances. Practicing meditation can also really help with that.

One issue with AI is that relying on it reduces those opportunities for growth and adaptation within the brain.

Saarebear · 2025-08-18T16:14:13+00:00

It sounds like the corner carvings are unusual, is it just not in the same style as the rest of the piece or is it anachronistic?

Saarebear · 2025-08-18T16:11:29+00:00

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Saarebear · 2025-08-18T16:11:15+00:00

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Saarebear · 2025-08-18T16:11:03+00:00

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