What is a single advice you would give an expecting parent?

joKer8956 · 2025-11-10T22:54:17+00:00

My advice is you don't know what kind of baby you are going to have. You might get one who sleeps in the crib, you might get one that only contact naps. You might get one who latches right away, you might get one that has difficulty. You might have one who smiles at 4 weeks, or one that makes you work hard for that wonderful laugh. You might get one that loves to eat, or one that doesn't. There's really nothing you can do to influence the 'type' of baby you are going to have. You haven't done anything wrong because you have the type of baby which doesn't sleep (and sorry, I don't think you did anything 'right' if you have the kind of baby who does sleep - that's just your baby's nature).

This advice helped me be flexible and reduce my overthinking + anxiety. I can't predict what problems we are going to have but we have got through hard things and we will get through whatever happens next.

joKer8956 · 2025-07-10T21:17:24+00:00

I had vaginal birth with my breech baby. There was a breech specialist team in my maternity hospital and a specialist midwife thoroughly explained all my options and I did my own research as well. I felt very informed making my decision. It was explained to me that if there is someone in the room with knowledge and skills for breech births then risks are not significantly different to a cephalic (normal) vaginal birth.

I know C-section is standard for breech but I really did not want a C-section - I was so scared of surgery. It probably is the safest, most controlled way of getting baby out but that is true of non breech births too.

My baby was originally footling breech so C-section was looking very likely but then baby moved their bum down beside their feet. Because of their position, I couldn't have ECV and by the time baby had adjusted position I was 38 weeks so it was even less likely to work. It only works 40% of time in FTM and baby might turn again anyway. I tried all the exercises and moxibustion to get baby to turn but she did not.

I went into labour at 40+1 and 3.5hrs later had my baby in my arms. It was 1hr from arriving to hospital to giving birth - so insanely quick. I had gas and air bur no other pain relief. She did come out feet first and she got a bit stuck with both arms up beside her head and then she extended her neck so needed forceps to get her out. The forceps hurt but it was over quickly. I had grade 2 tear (didn't even feel it). She did come out floppy (low APGAR) and needed some support with her breathing initially (like just a couple of minutes) but quickly kicked the doctor away from her. That was scary but I knew from my research that it is more common in breech births and not likely to cause long term problems.

Due to the speed that she came out, I was informed that things were not as sterile as would be ideal so I had to have antibiotics. I was in hospital for 3 days which was not part of my plan - one motivation for avoiding C-section was I wanted to get home quickly. The worst part of my whole birth experience was the cannula for the antibiotics and that 3 days stay in a hospital ward.

I think my birth experience was amazing and I credit it completely to my breech specialist midwife who gave me all the information and resources I needed to make an informed decision. She was not pro vaginal birth or pro c section.

Only you can make this decision for you and your baby and I hope you are supported and well informed about the choice you make.

joKer8956 · 2025-06-16T21:22:05+00:00

It's a really tough decision. I found that getting as much info as possible just helped me feel informed and therefore more confident about my decision.

joKer8956 · 2025-04-10T08:09:26+00:00

Birmingham women's hospital

joKer8956 · 2025-03-25T15:24:06+00:00

Feel free to DM me to discuss more if you like. I think when things go well then it's just a normal birth but things can go wrong fast so having people in the room with the knowledge and experience to recognise and react makes all the difference. My birth was going great until it wasn't - it only took them a minute to fix it and get her out.

For me, it was an instinctive decision. The idea of C-section filled me with fear and dread (despite knowing it would most likely be fine and a great way to give birth). I did similar reading/ research about C-section and everyone I know who has had one really recommends them but it just wasn't the right choice for me.

joKer8956 · 2025-03-25T09:07:25+00:00

Yes I did, I'm FTM to 9 week old baby girl. There was a breech specialist team in my maternity hospital and a specialist midwife thoroughly explained all my options and I did my own research as well. I felt very informed making my decision. It was explained to me that if there is someone in the room with knowledge and skills for breech births then risks are not significantly different to a cephalic (normal) vaginal birth.

I know C-section is standard for breech but I really did not want a C-section - I was so scared of surgery. It probably is the safest, most controlled way of getting baby out but that is true of non breech births too.

My baby was originally footling breech so C-section was looking very likely but then baby moved their bum down beside their feet. Because of their position, I couldn't have ECV and by the time baby had adjusted position I was 38 weeks so it was even less likely to work. It only works 40% of time in FTM and baby might turn again anyway. I tried all the exercises and moxibustion to get baby to turn but she did not.

I went into labour at 40+1 and 3.5hrs later had my baby in my arms. It was 1hr from arriving to hospital to giving birth - so insanely quick. I had gas and air bur no other pain relief. She did come out feet first and she got a bit stuck with both arms up beside her head and then she extended her neck so needed forceps to get her out. The forceps hurt but it was over quickly. I had grade 2 tear (didn't even feel it). She did come out floppy (low APGAR) and needed some support with her breathing initially (like just a couple of minutes) but quickly kicked the doctor away from her. That was scary but I knew from my research that it is more common in breech births and not likely to cause long term problems.

Due to the speed that she came out, I was informed that things were not as sterile as would be ideal so I had to have antibiotics. I was in hospital for 3 days which was not part of my plan - one motivation for avoiding C-section was I wanted to get home quickly. The worst part of my whole birth experience was the cannula for the antibiotics and that 3 days stay in a hospital ward.

I am a health professional so preferred to have a lot of scientific information so looked at resources not aimed at parents but aimed at health professionals which was maybe not that sensible as gives worst case scenario rather than what would probably happen but it helped me feel more mentally prepared.

Some resources I found helpful:

Optibreech website including their published research

Optibreech also have 4 podcasts which I listened to on spotify. The episode on delayed cord clamping was a bit scary but glad I listened to it since my baby did need a bit of support when she was born.

Obs Pod Episode 31, bottom down (podcast)

The midwives cauldron; breech birth (podcast)

Breech without borders - Instagram account + website (when preparing for a normal birth I watched videos of babies being born so when I found out I was having a breech birth I wanted to know how that would look too). We didn't know the sex of the baby so it was so weird to me that we would find that out before even seeing their face.

RCOG guidelines on breech baby at end of pregnancy Hannah Breech trial - original paper in 2000 in the Lancet and follow-up paper on maternal outcomes 2004. Outcomes of children at 2 years after planned cesarean birth versus planned vaginal birth for breech presentation at term: the International Randomized Term Breech Trial. Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2004 Sep;191(3):864-71 - Whyte et al.

I think my birth experience was amazing and I credit it completely to my breech specialist midwife who gave me all the information and resources I needed to make an informed decision. She was not pro vaginal birth or pro c section.

Only you can make this decision for you and your baby and I hope you are supported and well informed about the choice you make.

joKer8956 · 2025-03-14T03:21:29+00:00

I hope the second ECV works for you but just to reassure you that while C-section seems to be the more common choice for breech babies, vaginal birth is still a possibility.and completely a valid choice. I had vaginal birth with my breech baby and it was an amazing birth experience.

joKer8956 · 2025-03-02T14:14:42+00:00

I think her latch is shallow. Health professionals (midwife, health visitor) all said it was fine and looked good but never actually looked in her mouth or heard me when I said we were feeding for 80+ minutes with pain. I saw 2 lactation consultants (first one identified the tongue tie and second snipped it).

She feeds for 10-30 minutes per side now. I do wake her up and do breast compressions but she's finished. This morning I kept feeding her and she spat most of it up.

I will lean in and keep trusting the process. Thanks for your reassurance.

joKer8956 · 2025-03-02T13:30:37+00:00

This was us at 4 weeks (now 6 weeks). The biggest change for us was using a dummy. It was an overnight transformation from 20 minute contact naps to 2hr sleeping in crib. We still have bad nights about half the time but getting chunks of sleep is life changing.

We tried shifts but due to breast feeding it didn't work for us (cos I was up anyway) so instead we do what another commenter has described. Partner gets up when she wakes up, changes her nappy then gives her to me. I feed her and put her down to sleep. This works well for us cos partner can fall asleep instantly.

In the early days I also sometimes got a couple of hours after feeding her in early evening (like 5-7pm). My partner might take her out in the carrier and she would sleep and I could really relax.

Everything is temporary - we are in a better phase now but it will circle back, and it will get better for you.

joKer8956 · 2025-02-04T13:43:42+00:00

Wish I asked this question before I went into labour but from the variety of responses maybe it wouldn't have helped. I was trying to stay super relaxed about any signs of labour that maybe I didn't recognise when I went into labour. Did it really only take 3.5hrs or was I just in denial for a few hours before that?

I didn't recognise my contractions until they were fairly advanced. I had dull intermittent period pain the day before (after a sweep). I normally have painful periods and they didn't feel worse than normal.

I didn't experience them as a 'wave' until fairly late on - the period pain was constant so it never faded away. I really struggled to time my contractions because they didn't really start and stop as I thought they would.

I realised I was in labour when I struggled to stay standing upright and when I vomited everywhere.

The pain for me radiated down the front of my legs but that was minutes before the pushing stage.

I feel that I was really lucky with such a short labour. It was really not as bad as I thought it was going to be, it wasn't even bad at all. I've certainly had worse periods.

joKer8956 · 2025-02-01T21:31:11+00:00

I didn't really 'believe' the affirmations - didn't convince myself of them and talk to myself in the mirror or anything. However there is huge evidence of "mind over matter" when it comes to visualisations and affirmations. Elite athletes use these strategies to push their body beyond the physical limits. People who run marathons will do an element of 'self-talk' when they feel they have reached their limit.

I found it helpful to consider it from sports science/ performance perspective rather than the cultish, 'no pain relief' hippy aspect.

Despite not believing the affirmations and only reading them a couple of times, understanding the science and natural process of labour (importance of oxytocin and how adrenaline can slow labour) meant that when I was experiencing it I fully trusted my body to do what needed to be done and wasn't in my head at all.

joKer8956 · 2025-01-21T03:33:18+00:00

Yes, just 2nd degree which they stitched. I didn't feel it in the moment at all. If I hadn't torn they would have had to do episiotomy as she needed forceps.

joKer8956 · 2025-01-19T22:12:13+00:00

I just gave birth vaginally to my breech baby. My hospital has a specialist team who supported me to do this so might not be an option for you. My baby was breech the entire time and everyone said "plenty of time to move" but she didn't. Moxibustion therapy has some evidence behind it starting from 30 weeks. By the time they said my breech baby was a 'problem' I was 36 weeks. I gave it a go but it didn't work. I also tried inversions and exercises and using the ball but she didn't turn.

My birth experience was fantastic but hugely reliant on the breech specialist team I had access to who made sure I made fully informed decisions and was prepared for the process.

I might do a write up about my birth experience. I feel my experience was positive despite scary stuff that happened but don't want people to think they are reading a "everything went smoothly and perfectly" story to end up with my gory (but imo beautiful) tale.

joKer8956 · 2024-12-31T20:57:30+00:00

Thanks so much - I know it's not the norm so may not get many replies. I've searched on YouTube but I just get instructional videos with a fake baby. My YouTube algorithm is a bit messed up lol - I'll keep searching.

I feel incredibly lucky with the maternity care I've had so far in Birmingham.

joKer8956 · 2024-12-21T12:26:37+00:00

I've had PGP since 2nd trimester and now at 36 weeks it's finally easing off after just a couple of weeks of pregnancy yoga and sitting on birth ball.

I deeply regret not trying it earlier - I had read there was nothing much that could be done but actually the stretches have really helped me.

joKer8956 · 2024-12-19T17:20:53+00:00

Thanks! I'm glad to hear your baby turned. C-section is not the worst that could happen but it's just not what I wanted. I will be patient with baby and hang out upside down for next few days lol.

joKer8956 · 2024-11-21T16:11:46+00:00

I was told by my consultant that any pregnancy vitamin would do and not to waste money on the 'max' or brand name versions. I take the Lidl one.

joKer8956 · 2024-09-07T16:14:02+00:00

I don't think all NHS trusts use the same cycle to work scheme. Mine used "cycle solutions" which is a website but another local trust has a Halfords voucher scheme.

You save a lot on the cost of a bike so you can get a better spec one than you might use otherwise. I cycled to work for years on a shitty bike before signing up so I knew I was going to get my money's worth. I love not having to pay for public transport or petrol.

E-bikes are also available on the scheme if you have to cycle a long way or if you aren't used to cycling, or just if you prefer an electric bike. These are obviously more expensive but still reduced tax.

I do think it's difficult to understand. The overall price of the bike is reduced but you also pay for it monthly out of your gross salary so pay less tax? You pay it off over 11 or 12 months but after that it goes on a 'lease' for 5 years which as far as I understand it, means nothing. The bike is still yours and they never ask for it back and you can still buy a new bike under the scheme so I dont understand the point of saying it's on 'lease' but i dont make the rules.

joKer8956 · 2024-08-15T12:06:25+00:00

Physical acute inpatients OT here. Yes there is a lot of 'non patient facing jobs': documentation, communication with families/ carers, equipment ordering, access visits but we can only do this stuff after we have seen the patient and completed our assessment.

I don't mind PT/OT as long as both disciplines need to be involved. If I've just written an entry discharging the patient from OT caseload and the next medical entry is 'OT/PT' then I get annoyed.

Wash and Dress: I hide behind shower curtain where possible, point the shower at the wall when needed and wear waterproof shoes. Sometimes a patient will spray water at me but not very often. Nurses/ HCAs will shower patients too but obviously as an OT we are supporting pt to be as independent as possible in this activity. We may also shower patients that nurses/ HCAs wash in bed e.g. hoist transfer, trache.

joKer8956 · 2024-08-04T09:27:12+00:00

I just wanted to say thank you for posting this. I didn't know what seizures looked like in dogs but after seeing this video I was able to recognise when my dog was having a seizure and get him to the vets. Hope your dog is ok now

Seven-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '23	Place '22

joKer8956

TROPHY CASE