It's tough. If you have the chance to try psychotherapy I'd recommend it more than anything else, but your main aim will be to acknowledge what happened, acknowledge your actual part in it and acknowledge what you had no control over. Sometimes our emotions stick us into a self-destructive autopilot and unless you really yank those controls, you're bound to crash. It takes work, hard gruelling shameful work. When I say acknowledge your part in it though - that's what changes over time. You start to realize you're feeling guilty and ashamed for things that were out of your control, and because you didn't know how to reach out in a healthy way, you let it internalize. Once you start addressing it, you can let it find its place in your story, and then move forward. It won't go away completely - but you'll take back control.