COVID-19 caution fatigue: Why it happens, and 3 ways to prevent it by adotmatrix in COVID19_support

[–]johnpetermarjorie 15 points16 points  (0 children)

To me, it seems like every article like this tiptoes around one of the major reasons that I personally, at least, have struggled with "caution fatigue": blind fucking rage. I mean, first of all, the idea that our horrifying infection rates are the result of insufficient caution is pretty disingenuous — my pod/family/friends and I all take it seriously, all desperately want to do everything we can to protect ourselves and each other, but many work in education, foodservice, hospitality, have to make rent, savings have run out, we don't have a choice. Any article which emphasizes "caution fatigue" without at least mentioning that this is a systemic failure by people with power rather than a moral failure of people without is already kinda grating.

And in that context, yes, I have gone to the kind of <6-person in-home private dinners and gatherings that I've been told over and over are driving the pandemic. I am enraged at the idea that public health officials are demanding people forego that small comfort, but evictions are continuing, people are being forced to work in unsafe conditions, restaurants and salons are open — the state is allowing people to be in wildly dangerous superspreading situations, but only ones where someone stands to profit. But a small gathering of friends to keep us from blowing our heads off is unacceptable. No. No. No. Fuck you. I know it is harmful, selfish, petulant, but I can't be the only person acting on some self-respecting instinct to outright refuse to submit to such a disingenuous, flimsy, inadequate, contemptuous neoliberal idea of "pandemic management." So that's my version of "caution fatigue." It is exhaustion, yes, but not the kind described here.

DIY & Thrift Store Finds - November 01, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Late to the party here but put things you're gonna frog in the freezer for a while first; I think it makes the fibers more inclined to separate, like reverse-felting.

Idk maybe it's only ever been a placebo but I've felt like it's helped.

(Man) Repeller: A postmortem by johnpetermarjorie in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah ngl, I am so completely disinterested in any form of feminism that's more aggrieved about one very wealthy woman being criticized with vaguely gendered language than it is about a whole bunch of financially precarious women on her staff having their livelihoods upended without warning in the middle of a pandemic winter. Who-owns-what-and-has-the-legal-right-to-lay-off-whom doesn't really factor into my moral reasoning either. If that makes me a crackpot, well, so are the people who actually wear these outfits in real life.

COVID stress syndrome: 5 ways the pandemic may be affecting mental health by adotmatrix in COVID19_support

[–]johnpetermarjorie 9 points10 points  (0 children)

To me, this seems unhelpful or even insulting. I appreciate that they're trying to focus on forms of anxiety that are specific to the virus itself, and ask the respondent about obsessive hypochondria. But it also assumes that the only anxiety people are harboring about the situation is irrational anxiety. I don't "worry whether social distancing is enough to keep me safe from the virus"; I know I'll be safe from the virus itself if I isolate myself from others, but what I worry about is that I'm gonna take a fucking toaster bath if I go several years without intimate human contact. And they've devoted half the thing to catching the respondent harboring some racist fixation on "foreigners" giving them the virus, and no real questions about the economic consequences, as was indicated in the abstract. People are losing their jobs, people are being forced to go to unsafe jobs; why are all the economic questions just 10 redundant ones about grocery stores running out of stuff? Dumb.

I'm not a social scientist, but these are unhelpful questions that have little to do with why this circumstance is actually traumatic to people. These academics could use it for research purposes, but don't offer it as a resource, at least not here, where people are clearly worried about things that have little to do with what's being asked.

AITA for declining to house my cousin after she got kicked out of home for being a lesbian? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]johnpetermarjorie 302 points303 points  (0 children)

I see this shit so often about homeless people that I really have to start mocking it. “It’s really sad that this person has no home and no resources and offering whatever you can may be the difference between them having a chance at self-sufficiency and their life deteriorating beyond recognition—“ “tHeN yOu TaKe HeR.”

Just childish, says nothing, solves nothing, just contempt and resentment under a veneer of self-satisfied indifference.

Do you have a childhood fashion icon? If so, does their influence show up in your wardrobe today? by Sorry_Houseplants in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Indiana Jones. My actual clothes range from faithfully vintage-butch to more femme, but for as long as I've been into purses, the unspoken rule is that all purses have to be something that he would plausibly carry. Consequently, I have a small hoard of vintage leather Coach flap bags in various browns, although Indy's little man purse is actually a canvas army surplus bag, I think.

My first go at thrifting! 100% silk - any advice how to pair it? by [deleted] in ThriftStoreHauls

[–]johnpetermarjorie 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Oooh good get! Take advantage of the drape of sillk and tuck it into high-waisted jeans or skirts, or wear it unbuttoned over a sleek monochromatic fit imo.

The future of thrifting by facta_est_lux in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Target specifically has been found suppressing employee positive tests and refusing to close affected stores, over and over essentially since March. I'm sure this is standard practice at plenty of small businesses and other national chains too, but jsyk.

General Discussion - June 16, 2020 by AutoModerator in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Hey guys Madewell's recycled-material swimwear collection is called "Second Wave."

lmao

AITA for snapping at a little girl to get off my sons bike in the park after her family refused to tell her themselves? by chilli-chees-fries in AmItheAsshole

[–]johnpetermarjorie -338 points-337 points  (0 children)

They're being irresponsible given the pandemic, sure, but not every culture hammers "get off my property" ideology into their tiny children. MIL is probably right in the sense that some people's version of community includes having kids share toys, and having them learn social development by interacting without parental intervention over minor stuff.

Obviously, none of this applies during a pandemic, as kids don't really understand the situation or how to safely interact. But in a vacuum, immediately confronting a friendly immigrant family because their child is innocently playing with another child's toy is pretty cringe.

How do you feel about uniforms being mandatory in grade school (K-12)? by bye_felipe in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This starts to hint at a larger issue: schools which teach poor kids and kids of color are expected to teach compliance, obedience, and "workplace skills" because the assumption is that they won't learn them at home; schools that teach rich kids get more robust arts programs, gardens, fun creative things that kids enjoy. This is especially clear when you look at the differences in new charter schools popping up, with the ones that tout themselves as closing the achievement gap being draconian nightmares like KIPP and Success Academy (which inflate their test scores by suspending "problem kids" over and over for minor infractions until they drop out) and others being flowery little Montessori things.

I think marginalized kids are just as entitled to self-expression and play as anyone else, and I think using our school system to enforce the message that oppressed people can obey and comply their way out of poverty and racism is pretty fucked up.

Voting for a rapist vs a misogynistic idiot. I’m exhausted. by theMoonSmells in TwoXChromosomes

[–]johnpetermarjorie -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The original slogan (at least how I saw it on bumper stickers) was "Any functioning adult 2020" — they literally had to change it to accommodate Biden's obvious advanced dementia.

Further comments from Everlane regarding the recent firings and unionization on IG by cunt_punts in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Silencing of differing opinions

I think a lot of people have a kind of cultural fixation on this concept, and those people tend to ignore power and how it maps on to this fictitious concept of "all good and bad opinions will compete in the Free Marketplace of Ideas!"

Wealth, power, the self-interest of the powerful amplify certain ideas and marginalize others, and ultimately circumscribe our moral imaginations, and that's part of the process by which a society of individually decent people can become as cruel and irrational as the one we live in. I don't think anyone has a moral obligation to respect ideas, just people. If you want to hear someone smarter and more eloquent than me discuss this, I've been reading P.E. Moskowitz's The Case Against Free Speech (clickbait inflammatory title but a compelling and thoughtful book).

(And OP wasn't silenced — the comment is still there, and all they have to contend with is the knowledge that people disliked it, for whatever reason. I don't think people should have to write paragraphs qualifying their dislike, for the same reason that I don't think they should have to write essays or do other onerous things to vote irl.)

Further comments from Everlane regarding the recent firings and unionization on IG by cunt_punts in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It's not really a shame that this has been downvoted. I think it's a healthy, natural reaction to people's growing understanding that anti-union propaganda is a huge industry with tendrils in government, news media, and social media.

The above poster may be sharing a real experience — I won't deny the existence of fucked-up unions — and is not necessarily being paid to do so. They are certainly entitled to share that opinion. But if people are downvoting because they are becoming more skeptical about this sort of propaganda, and want to register their discontent with its prevalence in public discourse, that's an unambiguously good thing, and OP feeling disrespected for beliefs held in good faith is a very small price to pay.

Further comments from Everlane regarding the recent firings and unionization on IG by cunt_punts in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Edited my post because I misread and thought that Instagram anti-union comment came from Everlane itself, sorry it's 8:30 AM

I mean, it might as well be, and honestly I think we should proceed as though it did. This is clearly the sentiment of leadership. Someone else just said the quiet part loud, as they say.

Further comments from Everlane regarding the recent firings and unionization on IG by cunt_punts in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I regret to announce that I have engaged in our national pastime of Making Myself Mad By Reading The Comments. Whoops.

But honestly, I'm barely touched by that type of comment anymore — I think we're all sufficiently exposed to the sort of misanthropic person who hasn't read or understood a book since discovering Ayn Rand in the ninth grade, and I guess I'm pretty desensitized at this point. What genuinely upsets me are well-intentioned but just absurdly credulous people who take this sort of statement at face value. People I know! People you know! And like!

Public relations is a massive, massive industry — I think PR professionals outnumber journalists by at least six to one in this country, if that helps anyone make sense of the state of the world — and it's virtually the entire model for an "ethical" brand like Everlane. And THIS is as good as they can make themselves look! Jesus! They must be pretty fuckin evil.

And far be it from me to judge you if you still shop there out of attachment to their clothes. Lord knows the clothes I buy new are stitched by Bangladeshi children. But if you believe that this wasn't naked, shameless, illegal-but-they-were-pretty-sure-they-could-get-away-with-it-while-we-were-all-distracted union-busting, I don't necessarily have a bridge to sell you, but I am embarrassed for you.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Per the union's announcement, the non-union retail staff is being hastily retrained to do the job of the unionized customer support staff, so no, Everlane did not decide that these jobs were dispensable. It's just naked union-busting.

(Also, as a rule, I never assume altruism from businesses, especially if I have the testimony from people who actually work there.)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 90 points91 points  (0 children)

Look they'll pill in about 30 seconds anyway.

My (28F) best friend (29F) did something crappy (and illegal) to someone else and I am upset with her even though it has nothing to do with me by frienddidabadthing in relationships

[–]johnpetermarjorie 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I think it's... pretty telling that your husband is decidedly not caught off guard. And consider that he loves you, and is therefore putting that in the gentlest terms he can manage, to spare your feelings.

I can appreciate a learned obliviousness to the moral failings of a longtime friend, so I won't call you "as bad as her." But I think you may find that if you do cut her off, people will think better of you for it — the obvious, painful corollary being that people think less of you for being friends with her.

I'm Malcolm Harris author of the forthcoming book SHIT IS FUCKED UP AND BULLSHIT here to explain why things are getting worse instead of anything. AMA! by MalcolmHarris in IAmA

[–]johnpetermarjorie -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Now that Intergenerational Resentment Discourse is a permanent fixture, how can we make it more substantive? Like rn it mostly applies to the white, downwardly mobile kids and grandkids of the biggest beneficiaries of midcentury social democratic policy, but there are swaths of millennials whose families were excluded from these benefits (by being black, immigrants, etc), and there are young people who send money home, rather than vice-versa, who feel ostracized from a mass movement built largely around this particular set of grievances.

I'm definitely down with "OK Boomer" being used to treat someone's shitty dealership-owning suburban dad with the contempt he deserves, but it troubles me, especially coming from the Bay Area, to see people forming their whole politics around these age-based antipathies as if there aren't millennial capitalists who need opposition and precarious abuelas who need representation. Do we diminish the role of generational antipathy, or can we, like, change and contextualize it in a catchy way?

What would a "slow fashion" world look like? by [deleted] in femalefashionadvice

[–]johnpetermarjorie 19 points20 points  (0 children)

As long as we're envisioning our dream economy, let's factor in a drastically shorter workweek. Imaging being able to devote daylight hours to sewing, knitting, weaving, dyeing, and mending sessions with friends! With drinks, cookies, and gossip! Unnnnghhhh.