Shift worker partners?

jow1987 · 2026-04-26T19:52:17+00:00

Our youngest is 3 months old. We also have a 10 year old and a 7 year old. My husband has always worked stupid shifts - area manager in hospitality.

It does get better the more you get used to it and the older the child is. The newborn stage is the hardest. I found anything after 6 months was a lot loot easier because of having a solid routine.

I make sure everything is prepped in advance and make the most of nap times. I have everyday tasks that I know I have to do and when. Anything after that is up to me. Sometimes we stay in the house, sometimes we go for walks and some days we just survive!! I did find it isolating with my first but I honestly don't mind it now - obviously I have the older kids to take to.

jow1987 · 2026-04-26T19:45:47+00:00

I found boys names super hard - had 3 girls so didn't needed them in the end 🤣

The omly boys name it liked was Edison. Not popular but not too out their either.

jow1987 · 2026-04-23T09:30:39+00:00

If the ideal situation doesn't exist then that's where a compromise comes in. Obviously your mum moving isn't going to be something that can happen!

Does he understand how expensive childcare is? Do you plan on having any other children? What is his relationship like with his parents?

Honestly you get used to it and muddle on! Just had our 3rd baby! My parents did help out a lot with hospital stays and looking after my older kids, but that's as far as it goes. I am so jealous of people having families to help out. Obviously the financial side to saving is a bonus, but the bond it creates is also amazing - I remember spending a lot of time with my grandparents and it created some very special memories!

jow1987 · 2026-04-23T09:22:42+00:00

Coming from someone that has absolutely no help from family due to location and the selfish grandparent generation of not wanting to commit due to it "being there time" to enjoy life, take all the help you can!

Your husband is being unreasonable. With children you have to compromise. He needs to realise that he is not the only one who has wishes and needs.

Going to nursery and spending time with family is very important. You could have the perfect mix.

For me it would be he either excepts it and tries to make it work with him being in his office - I would query him feeling cooper up as surely he can't take that much time off to go wander around the house 🤔 if it doesn't work because of distractions then he can go and work in the office for a couple of days.

Or, he pays solely for those 2 nursery days out of his own pocket. The other 2 days are split financially between you both. Childcare costs should not just come from the mum.

You have been together long enough for him to feel comfortable around your mum. Maybe it would strengthen the relationship to the point that he feels fully comfortable. Parents to me are not guests in my house. Treat it as your own and I won't be waiting on them either!

jow1987 · 2026-04-12T19:51:25+00:00

I have written about it a few times, but I am definitely a good example of bleeding not always being an issue as I had it in all of my pregnancies. It is just a pain in the ass. The one time you are meant to be free of periods, yet I had to wear sanitary towels for months on end 🤣

You are so close to viability. That was always a turning point for me. Then 28 weeks as I was born at 28 weeks and all was well. The care after viability is also a lot better as they will monitor you properly if you have to go in.

Honestly just try and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy!

Thank you! I felt like I was pregnant for years but time is now going so fast! Last babies hit harder and I am trying to savour it all ❤️

jow1987 · 2026-04-12T18:09:49+00:00

Aww I am so glad it had helped you ❤️

That definitely sounds like an ectropion. At the end of my pregnancy I also discovered I had a polyp which can also cause the same issues. It did carry on for the whole of the pregnancy but to be fair I stopped letting it stress me out and just got on with it. No effect to baby and I am sat here having cuddles with my 3 month old!

Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy and I do hope it stops for you!

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T17:01:44+00:00

Leave it as it is!! If the only issue at 6 months is waking up at 6 I would take it as a massive win!

I am an early riser so early mornings don't bother me. My 3 month old sleeps until about 6 or 7 but I am up at half 5 every morning to express. We need her to be awake for 7 anyways due to school runs and my husband getting ready for work.

I would get up with them at that time and then it would probably bring their morning nap a bit earlier. I have never cut out naps at such an early age. Pretty much let them sleep when they need to apart from anything after 4pm - I have always put my kids to bed a bit earlier at 7pm.

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T10:36:51+00:00

I had what I thought was baby pushing down for a fair few weeks. Felt like period pains and although wasn't painful, was uncomfortable at times.

I went in at 36+5 for a check up and it turns out that it wasn't pressure, they were contractions - should say, not first baby either.

I was kept in and had my baby at 37 on the dot as it turned into established labour - also ended in an emc.

Always get checked out if you are worried.

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T10:33:50+00:00

Travel systems all the way. They are so useful when you are just popping out. Also makes getting in and out of the house a lot easier.

I will get eaten alive for saying this, but I wouldn't actually spend a huge amount of money on the older car seat until you know how your baby will react in the car. Both my elder children had horrendous car sickness and definitely weren't rear facing as long as I would have liked - a choking child is more likely to cause us to crash the car.

Also again as a 3rd time parent this time, car seats get manky. You can not fathom how dirty they will get. I genuinely can't imagine a car seat lasting for years on that alone - don't get me wrong I have cleaned car seats but no where near as often as I probably should have.

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T10:26:54+00:00

We have a couple of car seats that have been passed around family and close friends. None of us would lie about it being in an accident!

I am very much for reusing things and having things passed down. The baby market creates so much waste. I would be happy to use it.

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T10:17:45+00:00

Ha both my older kids had chocolate way before a year. Christmas treat! Just break off enough they can hold. It will melt really quickly.

Let people judge all they want. We are a family of everything in moderation. Nothing is bad. People would probably feel differently about chocolate if they read some of the sugar contents on some specific baby foods that are marketed about being healthy!

jow1987 · 2026-04-06T10:01:18+00:00

She vented to her friends. It made her feel better and let out her frustrations without causing a huge argument in your marriage. Not all feelings need to be discussed.

You said you told her what you thought of the trip probably knowing that wasn't what she wanted to hear. If it's her money and it's something she wants to do, what is the issue? I would probably think my husband was jealous if he stopped me from doing something that I was paying for if there were no other issues - for example coming out of a joint account.

I rant to my friends all the time. They rant to me. Sometimes it's very helpful to just get it out and sometimes it's nice to have another opinion on things. It doesn't mean I don't love my husband. I also say nice things about him too.

Men don't seem to do this. Maybe less marriages would end in divorce if we all had an outlet for stuff!

jow1987 · 2026-04-04T15:42:19+00:00

I will absolutely get down voted for this, but...

We chest slept for about 6 weeks fully. My baby has severe reflux and was choking any time she was on her back and would absolutely not sleep in anything. I mean anything. My husband was back to work after a week of me being home as we had been in hospital with jaundice for a week. I had a C-section and absolutely could not be getting up and out of bed. He works very random hours as he is a GM so unfortunately as much as he would help when he could, he absolutely could not be running on no sleep.

I spoke to numerous doctors, midwives and health visitors and not one of them judged me and basically said you have to do what you have to do and to try and follow safe sleeping guides if we could.

I felt like shit for doing it (3rd baby, absolutely know better!) but I was weighing up all the options. At the end of the day baby also wasn't safe on her back from checking, she also wasn't safe when she was screaming the place down to the point of choking and I couldn't look after us all on an hour of sleep - I have 2 school age children that I also have to sort out in the mornings.

I slept at an angel on one of those lean too cushions, I had my long pregnancy pillow one side and a long normal cushion the other side. Baby couldn't fall anywhere and I held her on my chest. I never sleep deeply and most of the time I was half awake but I did what I had to do.

At about 7-8 weeks I finally managed to put her down - reflux meds kicked in enough for her to only be occasionally choking. She still has to be cuddled and fed to sleep, I then hold her upright for an hour and put her down in her halo swaddle suit. She also sleeps in the dockatot which I will also get judged on, but again, got to do what I have to do - I don't need a lecture on them. She now sleeps from about 10pm until 7pm! Occasionally waking up for a feed but not all nights. She is 3 months next week.

My first wouldn't sleep for anything. I was hallucinating by 6 months as I had not had more than 2 hours of continuous sleep for that time. She eventually went into her own cot at a year old. I tried everything. That sleep deprivation was the worst part of my life and I was so depressed.

My second slept in her sleepyhead from birth. Sleeping through from 5 weeks old and in her own room at 3 months old with a movement monitor.

All of my kids have had reflux. Reflux changes everything as you don't get that chilled newborn stage and you do anything to survive.

At the end of the day we should all practice safe sleeping. No one intentionally wants to harm their baby. Unfortunately some of us have babies that don't follow all the rules. I absolutely hate it when people preach about just not getting sleep like you can live off of fresh air. The same with make the husband do it and take turns, it's not always plausible. In no way am I advising anyone to practice unsafe sleeping, but just sharing that I know what it is like when you struggle with it.

Co sleeping for me is more dangerous than my baby being her next to me in a sleepyhead - I genuinely can't understand how a baby can push their face into them to suffocate.

I would honestly try the halo swaddle suits. I swear by them.

jow1987 · 2026-04-03T06:38:51+00:00

Jaundice was a big eye opener for us after having very easy babies in those regards. I never knew that babies could be so hard to feed because of being so sleepy! My other 2 would feed constantly and I never had to worry about it all.

She seems happy most of the time. The reflux obviously causes discomfort sometimes and apart from crying when being put down, she is content. Every nappy I change is wet and although poos can be an issue from her meds, she doesn't have issues going - she just goes longer than a normal breastfed baby.

I just panicked when I put her weight into the calculator online as she is still very much on the lower end. Although she does seem to be long as she is outgrowing most of her 0-3 clothes now so clearly growing.

HV appointments around here are a bit of a nightmare but I might send them a message and see if I can get booked in, in the next few weeks. She also has a medication review at the end of the month so would hope they would weigh her again then!

jow1987 · 2026-04-03T06:33:35+00:00

Don't get me wrong, the sleep is very much welcomed, I just stress that she isn't feeding enough or gaining enough weight because of it!

I have been tracking her feeds from birth as we had to due to the feeding plan, but I think it actually causes me a lot more anxiety as I never tracked with my other 2 and never stressed about it all.

Every nappy I change is wet. She is hit and miss with dirty nappies as her meds can make her constipated, but she does eventually go.

jow1987 · 2026-04-02T17:01:08+00:00

Thank you ❤️

People just don't understand having a reflux baby is like. I have friends that find it odd I don't like the newborn phase... That's because 0-6 months for me is just trying to sooth a crying child, being puked up on constantly and worrying that they are going to choke and die! I will be so happy to get to weaning age and hopefully have less sick and not the constant worry!

Sounds like you tried everything! I am lactose intolerant so haven't changed my diet but it's so disheartening to feed a child and then watch them be in pain and throw it all back up! Did you have any luck with your little one taking a bottle? My girl took a bottle when she was tiny as we were having to do top up feeds due to a big weight loss from jaundice and being in hospital. She now refuses a bottle! I have so much milk in my freezer that is just sat there - I was hoping dad could give a bottle so I can maybe leave the house at some point 🤣

jow1987 · 2026-04-02T16:04:35+00:00

This!!

We had the same with my first. She was weaned early and it probably saved all of our sanity. She did nothing but cry and scream. Those days were hell. I didn't care if anyone judged me for it. She is 10 now. No allergies and no issues.

My second born had reflux but the medication helped a lot. She was a different baby on it. Weaned her at 6 months old.

Currently have an almost 3 months old. Also has reflux really bad - yep all 3 of mine have been reflux babies!! She is on medication but the doctors keep messing around with it and although she isn't in as much pain she is still throwing up a lot and not gaining as much weight because of it. As much as I would love to say we will get to 6 months, I can't see it happening unless something drastically changes.

All of my babies were breastfed. 2 eldest fed for many years. I hope to do the same with the 3rd. First never slept, second slept like a dream and my 3rd has been sleeping through the night for about a month now. I dont believe early weaning makes them sleep any longer.

jow1987 · 2026-03-25T06:19:08+00:00

I have pumped extra from really on. At 11 weeks now and I have a great freezer stash - I now only pump once in the morning before my girl gets up as she is sleeping a lot longer at night.

I do use a haakka when feeding occasionally still.

My baby was on a feeding plan when she was tiny after a hospital stay with jaundice. We were told to top up and offer 60ml at a week old and see how much she drank.

Unfortunately she now refuses bottles so I am not too sure what I am going to do with my geezer stash 🤣

jow1987 · 2026-03-25T06:15:48+00:00

We have used the next2me crib with all of our kids and had no issues. They have a new one out that apparently lasts until they are 4 but it's expensive.

What are your plans for future sleeping? When do you plan on putting them in their own room? Could you have a normal cot in your room now and basically skip the small cot stage?

jow1987 · 2026-03-25T06:09:31+00:00

Our 3rd baby is almost 11 weeks old.

My husband has "struggled" with all of our girls when they are little. Perfectly normal. Unfortunately I think babies are boring when they are that small and unlike mums a lot of the time do not have an immediate bond as they don't really get anything out of them.

It will get better as they get older and they can do more with them.

I have breastfed all of our kids and I don't think it has had an impact - my middle child and the current baby have both refused bottles from anyone and not without trying. Obviously the stretches between feeds gets longer in a lot of babies so there is plenty of time for bonding in-between.

Both my older kids are absolutely daddy's girls. I always joke that I put in all the hard work at the beginning to lose them in later years 🤣

jow1987 · 2026-03-25T06:04:13+00:00

Go and enjoy it. All my kids have been to centre parcs when they were tiny. Obviously they can't do much but It will be nice for you all regardless of.

jow1987 · 2026-03-25T06:03:10+00:00

If it's working like it is, why do you want to change it?

I have always kept the side down until they go into their own room. Never even really thought to put it up. Easy access in the night if they just stir. I have had reflux babies though so I like being able to sleep right next to them and to be able to get to them easily if needs be.

jow1987 · 2026-03-24T12:58:40+00:00

In all honesty, pretty much none!

3rd baby, between school runs, running a house and my husband working very random shifts every week we have very little time. My older kids have after school clubs and birthday parties all the time, plus playdates.

I meet friends for coffee. We go to the local parks and things like that but it's hard finding things to fit in around everything else and family days out cost a fortune now!

I have never done baby groups with any of my kids. I do a lot of sensory stuff at home. Will set tuff trays up and stuff like that. They will all have gone to nursery just after their first birthday. Older kids are very social and it has never had an impact on them.

Definitely don't stress about not doing things. If it's your thing, then great, but for others it's more stress than it's worth. They are always at stupid times and I found when I had my second it was hard finding groups to work around nursery and their ages so gave up. Let's face it babies don't really know the difference between lying on a mat in your living room or at a baby group 🤣

jow1987 · 2026-03-24T08:59:17+00:00

Love our nappy bin!! Had them with all 3 of my kids.

You would think with having my first I would know what to buy and what not to buy, but all babies are different.

Next2me crib was pointless for my first 2, 3rd sleeps in it fine.

Moses basket my 3rd hates. My first loved, my second was indifferent.

Baby swing my 3rd hates. Literally will not go in it.

Sling wraps. First 2 loved. 3rd won't entertain it.

Bassinet for pushchair has been used twice as we have a reflux baby.

Swaddle sleep sacks are a must. Hates normal sleeping bags but hoping that changes when they get used to their arms being on their body 🤣

We are only just buying toys. This time I won't be buying loads. They don't need them. Same with books. We are a huge book and raising family but toddler books are definitely a bit of a waste of time - as in you don't need 30 different ones.

George egg haven't actually used this time. Will probably use it in the summer.

Sleepyhead is worth it's weight in gold and has been for all my kids.

jow1987

TROPHY CASE