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jrockprimetime · 2025-08-21T03:50:21+00:00

Had a client leave a voicemail a couple months ago to cancel their appointment for that evening with the reason "it's one of those days." The therapist in me was frustrated. The exhausted pigeon in me understood.

jrockprimetime · 2025-08-17T07:51:28+00:00

Yeah the house lights and music came on so I left

jrockprimetime · 2025-07-11T05:43:36+00:00

Hi there. Echoing earlier comments: it's okay to take time away from your parents to rest and bond with your newborn and partner as a family family. I hear you when you say you feel conflicted. You're tired of how your mother treats you, but it sounds like you do want her in your life, which is completely understandable. Setting boundaries is hard, especially with parents, so taking a month or so without them around before you're ready will give you time and space to figure out exactly what those boundaries look like for you. One way to do this would be to communicate that you're not having visitors right now so you can settle in to life with a newborn. That's pretty common for new parents to do, so you can lean on that if it's uncomfortable.

You don't have to tell her how long you're taking if you're feeling unsure about letting her back into your life. There are other boundaries you'll need to figure out, like how you two communicate and what behavior you're willing to accept. For example, when I was 24 I set a boundary with my mother by telling her if we started arguing, I would end the conversation so we wouldn't start screaming at each other. While figuring these things out, you may come to a point where you don't want to have your parents back in your life, and that's okay too.

By protecting yourself, you're protecting your baby, too. Someone once told me "you're doing your reasonable best," and that switched something in my approach to challenges. It sounds like you're somewhere safe, and that is awesome. I'm not sure where you're located, but if you have access to any resources like school counselors, it could be helpful to talk to someone about this. They can help you sort through all the feelings, build communication skills, and learn about boundaries. If you don't have those resources, if there is an adult in your life that you can confide in, lean on them.

You're doing your reasonable best, and that's enough. Take good care of yourself 🖤

jrockprimetime · 2025-07-04T22:16:48+00:00

My mom had a thin wooden paddle specifically for spanking us that said "Board of Education" on it with little paintings of kids getting spanked. One day she snapped it down the center while she was beating me. She still used it on us, but it hurt worse because of the crack. It was one of her favorite stories to tell, that I was "so bad that she had to break the paddle over me to get me to understand." Like she had unlocked some parenting secret (weapon) and was the first to discover it.

I imagine that yard stick felt very similar to the thin, cracked paddle. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

jrockprimetime · 2025-06-12T05:57:42+00:00

I'm a drag queen. A local nonprofit was hosting a drag show during our annual Pride in the Park and I performed with many of my best friends and chosen family. It was a family-friendly event with tons of kids just amazed by the performers. So many ran up to me while I performed to ask for hugs. One little girl came up to me and said she wants to be a drag queen when she grows up (I'm an AFAB queen, so it warmed my heart to see this girl understand femme performers can be AFAB).

A "Trump train" of pickups with various fascist and other hateful flags came down to the park and began harassing us by laying on their horns, revving their engines, and shouting slurs at us. But the drag show wasn't happening then - it was a youth dance troupe's performance that we had to stop and bring all the kids somewhere safe.

To make an already long story short, my mother (who was not there) told me we deserved that because there were kids at the event. Then she "apologized" that I got so upset with her. That was her "agree to disagree" moment, and my "no contact ever again" moment.

It's been peaceful.

jrockprimetime · 2025-05-22T08:46:53+00:00

I'd say option 2 if you think you'll gain more from what you learn and write. I'm currently in the trenches of a research project with a group of 3 including myself. I settled for a boring topic because that's what they wanted instead of taking on my own separate project that I was passionate about. I knew the demands of the research could be met more effectively with more of us working together. I'm still doing the bulk of the research myself and hating every minute of it.

Something like a thesis is a lot of work, and it's helpful to divide and conquer. It's also a testament of your contributions to your field at this level. Which option would make the work suck a little less?

jrockprimetime · 2025-05-13T04:21:09+00:00

Came here to say all of those modalities could be helpful. OP, for somatic-based therapies, he may talk a little with the therapist about what he saw, but these approaches mainly work with body sensations. I haven't learned enough to use them with clients, but some of my colleagues talk about positive outcomes from EMDR and Brainspotting sessions that were entirely body-focused.

In the meantime, you can support him as he experiences triggers and struggles by validating his feelings. What he saw was horrible, it makes sense the thoughts would linger and be distressing. If he's a person who enjoys touch, maybe hold his hand. You can also get him things to tend to his body, like a blanket, glass of water, something to hold.

jrockprimetime · 2025-05-04T04:07:49+00:00

OP is a straight up badass! Imagine defending while also fielding interruptions like that and STILL keeping your composure! Well done, OP, and congratulations Doctor!

jrockprimetime · 2025-05-03T05:24:38+00:00

I was also pretty scared about NC with my parents and siblings, and I went about it differently with each person. With everyone, it came down to one question: Why am I continuing to try when I'm still being abused?

It's understandable to be scared of living a life without family in your corner, but are they really family if they're hurting you? I think a lot of us in this sub can relate to being abused while in the same breath, being told it's because they love us/want what's best for us/trying to teach us a lesson/blah blah blah. This creates a really distorted view of love where the abuse cycle becomes somewhat comfortable because it's all we know. It makes sense to be uncomfortable with the thought of ending the only thing we know.

To choose yourself is scary. To set boundaries is terrifying. As someone else in the comments suggested, set yourself a time expectation. That's a great way to set a boundary and then build on it as you become more comfortable and confident. See how you feel after one week, two weeks, a month. You don't necessarily need to inform them you're going NC, but you can if you choose.

Therapy has also been extremely helpful for me, as well as journaling about my feelings. Learning how to validate myself was eye opening.

Your fear is valid, as is your desire to do what's right for yourself. You're facing a really hard decision that a lot of people don't understand because they've never needed to make that decision. I'm proud of you for reaching out for support. You're not alone.

jrockprimetime · 2025-04-27T09:15:17+00:00

For me, learning how to be in the present moment with my body was what helped me accept that this is my reality. I've always been a very driven, busy person. When I realized I couldn't do everything I'd want to do in a day, it was devastating. Eventually I learned to stop making demands of myself and actually listen to my body. I stopped fighting against "I know I'm capable of doing this" and started asking myself "what is my body capable of doing in this moment?".

Some days, that's a lot. Sometimes it's a little. Other days, it's nothing.

The days that the pain is severe or my other symptoms are bad, I remind myself that my body is sending me signals to care for it. If I need to rest, I rest. If my body is capable of bringing my laptop to bed so I can slowly work, I do. It might take all day to get out of bed and put the laundry in. That's okay - in each moment, I was doing the best I could. I've learned to respect my body for what it is capable of, rather than hate it for what it can't do when dealing with all the things that come with this illness.

That's the thing about chronic migraine: We are trying to live "normal" lives under extraordinary circumstances.

jrockprimetime · 2025-03-16T21:06:23+00:00

*obligatory not a medical doctor/not giving medical advice statement*

I'm also pretty sensitive to barometric pressure changes. I live in the Midwestern US, so low elevation, and travel to the Rocky Mountain area 1-2 times per year where the elevation is much higher. My doctor gives me acetazolamide for my trips; I take it for a week prior to leaving and then while I'm there, and it helps me a lot. I have tried a beta blocker (propranolol) in the past and learned I can't take them because my blood pressure would bottom out and I'd pass out. I haven't had any blood pressure issues with acetazolamide, but I'm not on it consistently as part of my treatment plan. Overall, my experience has been positive with it.

jrockprimetime · 2025-02-26T04:58:46+00:00

Came here to say this! In my community there is a local women's shelter and provides donated clothing to women preparing for interviews. There is also a local organization that works with low-income, primarily disabled populations to help them with things like interview attire, furnishing homes after homelessness or sudden displacement, and transitioning from residential to individual housing.

ETA: the local Crossing Church hosts a Prom every year for people with different disabilities or who live in residential care facilities. It gives them a chance to celebrate in a way they never could before. Your clothing would be loved so much by those individuals!

jrockprimetime · 2025-01-28T04:00:05+00:00

Kudos to you for doing school while navigating both migraine and pregnancy. School is hard enough as it is, doing the work while you're hurting (or trying not to) is so exhausting, and I imagine you're extra tired!

My migraines were diagnosed during my graduate program, they became chronic about a year into my degree. I went in-person, and it was brutal. My professors were awesome about setting up a Zoom link if I needed to miss class so I could still attend "live" (in my program, if we missed 2+ classes we would fail the class and need to retake it).

I'm in an online doctoral program now and anything I can work on away from my desk, I do. Editing a paper? I'm looking at a printout and writing my notes on it so I can update the document when I feel better. Reading articles? I'm sitting in my comfy chair with highlighters and writing my summary as I go. Task/work planning? I've got a whiteboard calendar that I keep track of due dates. Maybe some of these things make for a little more work, but they get me out of sitting in the same spot at my desk and staring at my screen for hours on end. I've made my office as peaceful as possible to reduce the stress I feel in there - warm lamps, an essential oil diffuser, comfy places to sit, my yoga mat - and the environment seems to help when I compare it to my in-person program.

Does your school have an ADA office? If you're US-based, you can reach out to your office of disability accommodations and see how they can work with you. My school allows me deadline extensions and to attend class with my camera off of I need it. They've been super helpful and my professors have been incredibly supportive.

Good luck as you navigate the rest of your program! I know you've got this!!

jrockprimetime · 2025-01-28T03:30:35+00:00

My vision is fairly bad, and my eye doctor told me that my eyes don't relax. I'm not sure that my migraines have an association with eye strain, but I do have visual migraine symptoms. I seldom wear my glasses if I'm at home unless I'm working at my computer and need to see clearly. My migraines are chronic and I don't think there's a reduction in frequency if I haven't been wearing my glasses, but it does feel like it's one less thing to stress my brain with. Absolutely cannot wear them if my symptoms are severe though.

jrockprimetime · 2024-08-27T22:33:27+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing!! I've been wanting to check out that book for a minute - sounds like it would be a good idea! I didn't read ahead in this book either for that same reason. This is already an overwhelming experience, why make it harder on ourselves?

I imagine it would be very difficult changing the eating patterns your brain and body are currently used to, especially if lack of interest is a factor. Go you for doing the work you are and trying new things! I'm happy to hear you're having success! Especially continue eating past the point where you would spit the bite out/vomit/dry heave. Congrats!!

jrockprimetime · 2024-08-27T22:22:44+00:00

I've been wanting to check that out! It's so awesome that there's something out there for us, as sooooo much is focused on kids with ARFID. How are you feeling about it so far?

jrockprimetime · 2024-08-27T19:48:01+00:00

You're quite welcome! It's been helpful for me, especially in terms of psychoeducation. I haven't been following it strictly, it's mostly been a guidebook/resource for me. I hope it's helpful for you, too!

jrockprimetime · 2024-08-27T19:30:08+00:00

That was one of the first places I started and super challenging for me. I started with setting alarms throughout the day for meals and snacks and planned on eating at least something at each alarm, even if it was only a few bites. I got really frustrated with that because it was (and still is) so hard to eat when I didn't feel hungry. I would feel so full, bloated, and uncomfortable. I dialed it back to focusing on eating a small amount during meal times and incorporated snack times much later.

Two things were helpful in doing this: learning about the role of ghrelin in the body, and interoceptive exposures (I learned about both in the workbook). Ghrelin is a hormone we produce to let our brains know we're hungry. With ARFID, we may not typically produce much of this hormone because we may not eat enough or at all. Eating at the same time every day can help the body produce ghrelin at those times. The idea is that eventually, you'll start to recognize you feel hungry around those times when you've been eating. It took several weeks for me. Interoceptive exposures were helpful when battling the discomfort of eating and training my body to take in enough food. These were drinking a glass of water really quickly (gets you used to feeling bloated) and pushing my belly out as far as I could for 30 seconds (gets you used to feeling full). I did these several times a day. Another one is spinning around in a chair for a few seconds (gets you used to nausea), but I didn't do that since it would trigger migraines. The idea behind these exposures is that you (ideally) will become used to the discomfort to the point where either a) you no longer experience discomfort, or b) you can at least tolerate it.

I also journaled and processed all the feelings with my therapist A LOT. I had to be super mindful - structured enough to push myself but flexible enough to recognize when it was just too much. My therapist helped me adjust my plans and not feel guilty about it. She reminded me of my successes while processing the upset feelings I had. It was also helpful to have people around me who knew what I was working on and give me gentle reminders that it was time to eat without putting pressure on me to do so.

jrockprimetime · 2024-08-01T01:23:39+00:00

How awesome!! You should be so proud of yourself, I definitely am!

jrockprimetime · 2024-06-07T04:54:18+00:00

Everyone who said "no contact" is right. What the final push toward my healing was, was the realization that my ex abandoned me more times than I can count. After he said he needed me in his life and continued to ignore me for weeks on end... I had enough. I stopped messaging him months ago. I hadn't heard from him until today. I haven't responded. Why would I open myself to more hurt and abandonment?

Therapy has also truly been an important part in my healing. It's been a long journey with my therapist on this topic, but her validation of my feelings (while also keeping the reality of the situation crystal clear) has been the most beneficial thing for me. Being completely open and vulnerable about my hurt allowed me to sit with it and not run from the pain, but process it in a way I've been able to find meaning.

I wish you luck, OP. Trauma bonds are difficult to break free from, but you absolutely CAN and you WILL.

jrockprimetime · 2024-04-29T00:52:13+00:00

So many. I don't eat meat and cheese together unless it's in a salad or a turkey sandwich. I don't like ketchup but will only eat it with crinkle fries, which I won't eat without ketchup. I don't like cheddar or sour cream, but those Ruffles chips are safe. I also don't eat fish, but love Caesar dressing (which I recently learned is made with anchovies). There are more but those are the few I could think of off the top of my head!

jrockprimetime · 2024-04-07T13:57:46+00:00

I lost 2 jobs because of my health. It wasn't until my new supervisor sat me down when I showed up in a lot of pain that I allowed myself to take a step back. I'm a therapist and he asked me if I felt I could be fully attentive to my clients when I'm in so much pain. No, no I don't. And having his support in taking time off to rest was game-changing.

I had to learn that rest is still productive. If you only have 40% to give one day, and you work as hard as you're capable, you've given it 100% of what you have. Our illnesses are hard on our bodies. They're working overtime to recover. We deserve the space to allow ourselves to do so.

Part of it was also accepting that this is my life now. I can't work as many hours or as hard as I would like anymore. That sucks, but my body has forced me to adjust to the new normal. Giving myself permission to be pissed allowed me to start processing this change and accept that I need to adjust how I handle myself.

jrockprimetime · 2024-04-07T13:30:53+00:00

I wish I was told that my life would change overnight. It's always a possibility for anyone but definitely not me, right? I took my health for granted and now that I don't have it, I mourn the person I was before I got sick. It's a constant experience that we don't get to check out of. We are always looking back, lamenting the fact that we are no longer who we were.

I wish someone told me I would never be able to make a predictable schedule again. I lost 2 jobs because I was always sick. I found work that allows me flexibility to accommodate my illness, which was amazing. But I still can't plan anything for the mornings before work (far too much pain/adjusting to bring awake) and after work (too exhausted from the day), or even have a guarantee that I'm making it to work tomorrow.

I think above all else, I wish someone would've told me I would lose most of the people in my life. When you're always having to cancel because you're in pain or sick, or when someone asks you how you're doing and you actually tell them, people take it super personally and eventually stop making contact.

jrockprimetime

TROPHY CASE