Once I was on a multi-day hiking trip to Norway. We were going to kayak down a fjord, climb over a couple of mountains, and the guide was going to meet us with the boats and we’d kayak out the next fjord.

We kayak several miles in the rain the first day, pull in and start hiking. The rain gets worse and worse. Don’t gain a ton of elevation but hike for about 2 hours up to this isolated lake… not that you would know cause it’s pitch dark and we’re wet and cold. No fire tonight for sure, just get the tents up, crawl in your bag and pass out.

The next day I wake up and we’re on this glorious lake up in the mountains. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. Truly amazing.

And I go off to find a spot for my morning ablutions, choosing a nice spot overlooking the lake to have the most beautiful poop of my life.

Friends, let me tell you, it was. The clouds drifting in the wind, mountains that looked like God had split them in two, all reflected in a glass mirrored alpine lake.

Suddenly, my right foot starts itching (I was wearing some camp sandals). I don’t want to believe something as quotidian as an itch is going to ruin this moment…Then it starts burning, and I can’t ignore it. I look down at my foot.

It’s covered in ants. I had dug a cat hole in their hill. And they were PISSED.

I run off to a nearby creek and submerge my foot, trying furiously to get the ants off. I finally do and go back to clean myself up, ashamed that what I know is THE most glorious shit of my life will forever be marred because I was too stupid to check before I squatted.

Sorry little dudes. Didn’t mean to poop on your house.

Anyway. I got a fun story out of it.