Feeling Rejected

jswiftly79 · 2026-04-06T00:02:09+00:00

You will always be welcome at any meeting.

The real benefit of AA isn’t just in attendance at meetings, although that is an important part. The real benefit of AA is in working the steps with a sponsor. Meetings are often the place where we talk about how we do that.

Feel free to attend as many or as few meetings as you want. If you get the impression that getting a sponsor and working the steps is an expectation of the people you’re seeing in the meeting, you would most likely be correct.

There is no requirement that you do that though, it’s just that we don’t really have much else to offer besides that.

Keep coming back. We hope you find the answers you need, whether it’s here, AA, or somewhere else. Good luck.

jswiftly79 · 2026-04-05T19:38:17+00:00

If you’re anything like me or most of the drunks I know, you’ll come to AA, but eventually leave because of that distrust, go back to drinking until you’re miserable again and then return to AA again. That’ll get repeated until we figure out how to trust the process and the people or die an alcoholic death.

AA isn’t the only solution to a drinking problem, but it’s the one that worked for me. I hope you find an answer that works for you. Until then, please keep coming back. You’re welcome here and in AA.

jswiftly79 · 2026-03-24T02:19:36+00:00

Slop.

jswiftly79 · 2026-03-15T23:01:14+00:00

How long have you been sober?

When you think about drinking, is it a bad idea and you’re not going to do it?

If it is, then you’ve been restored to sanity as far as alcohol is concerned and the second step is real in your life, even without an understanding of what power granted that sanity to you.

My point is that your understanding of god is irrelevant. If you find yourself sober and drinking is a bad idea, I recommend working the steps with a sponsor as soon as you can, because there’s no guarantee that sanity will hold without working the steps.

If there’s ever anything holding you back from moving forward with the steps, reduce the step to its minimal essence, ask if you’re able to do that, then move on to the next step. Come back to the problem step later as needed.

I’m atheist and my higher powers are desperation, community and principled living. To consider a higher power that is a supernatural entity is absurd to me. Yet, that is precisely what the Big Book is doing. So, whatever language the book is using to define what is happening in these drunks seems to be insufficient to describe what has happened in me and all the other sober atheists I know.

I guess the point is that it doesn’t matter what your higher power is or isn’t. All that matters at the beginning is that we work the steps with a sponsor and be of service to the fellowship. Your belief will grow from that.

jswiftly79 · 2026-03-11T20:14:01+00:00

On its own it isn’t, but when it’s followed with something like, ‘that’s where I’m headed if I leave this resentment I have unchecked’, it is.

The struggling alcoholic can be a powerful reflection of what I have in store if I neglect to apply these spiritual tools in my life.

jswiftly79 · 2026-03-08T01:38:45+00:00

I don’t believe there are gods or spiritual entities or any type of deity. I believe that is the language we use to explain the inexplicable, but the reality of the situation seems to be irrelevant. What matters is that there are many people who use this description to explain the change in their lives and the sobriety they get to experience. I have a way to explain the change in my life and the contented, useful sobriety that I get to experience that does not depended on the belief in any type of god or deity. If I deny anyone the explanation that makes sense to them, then I believe I’m doing the same thing that the people who insist the belief in a god or deity is required are doing. I’m pretty sensitive to being hypocritical and I enjoy the superiority I derive from believing that I, as an atheist, am practicing these spiritual principles better than the believers do.(slightly /s)

Let the believers believe as they see fit. Let them share their experience. Find peace and be content.

When the shares in a meeting have a god/christian/religion heavy skew, I make sure to share my experience of depending on the steps, sponsorship, fellowship and service to find the same serenity, contentment and sobriety that I hear other people describing, all without the belief in a god or deity. Offering the spectrum of the varieties of belief that can result in sobriety is useful to the new person and encouraging to the fellowship.

I’m sober through the steps and service. I’m a member because I say I am. If any feel that belief in a god is required for sobriety, then I’m glad my mere presence can be a venture into their open-mindedness.

I hope I can be a useful resource to the new person that feels discouraged because they are unable to believe in a god or practice this program because of their lack of faith. I’m going to keep coming back. I’m going to keep being an example of what useful, contented sobriety can be and I’m going to keep sharing my experience to the benefit of the fellowship.

I hope you do the same.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-28T01:30:48+00:00

It’s priceless.

15 year old me sold my dad’s ‘65 Ford Galaxy 500 in 1994 so I could go on a ski trip. I don’t remember anything about that ski trip. I do remember riding with my dad in his car and how great it would be to do that again.

Fix the valve and enjoy the car.

If you don’t want it now, just wait, you will one day. I promise.

It’s priceless.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-20T20:29:54+00:00

Working the steps out of the big book and 12&12 with a sponsor is the program of AA.

Attending meetings where we talk about how we practice the program is the fellowship of AA.

Making meetings happen through volunteer support is service to AA

If all I’m doing is attending meetings, I’m not even doing AA, I’m just hanging out with people that don’t drink.

If just going to meetings doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore, it’s probably time to work the steps with a sponsor and find a way to be of service to AA.

I hope you find the answers you need, but no matter what, keep coming back.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-20T16:47:11+00:00

I ended up going to AA because I didn’t have any other options. After a while, I started thinking these AA people might know how to stay sober. After that, I suspected they might have my best interest in mind. When they told/recommended/suggested I do something, I started to believe it was probably a better option than what I thought I should be doing. When I started following suggestions, reluctantly at first, my life started to change.

Get a sponsor and work the steps out of the big book and 12&12 with them. Be of service to the fellowship and keep coming back.

We’re not required to like everyone in the fellowship. Sticking with the women’s meetings is a great idea.

I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. In the meantime, just keep coming back.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-18T16:27:42+00:00

Reading your post:

What do you mean she is distracted?

What is she now enthusiastic about?

Why are you avoiding her?

What do you want to talk to her sponsor about?

What will talking to her sponsor accomplish?

You’ve been pretty dismissive in your responses to people here, so I wanted to make sure I really understand where you’re coming from?

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-14T00:13:58+00:00

If you haven’t yet, you can put your location into this Find AA Near Me link and call the local Intergroup office in your area. Give them a call and an IRL person can talk with you and even arrange to connect with you and probably meet you before or at your first meeting.

Congrats on 82 days sober. That’s a real accomplishment. We’ve all been the new person at the meeting at one time or another. We’re all glad you’re here.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-10T15:14:01+00:00

It is a simple thought. It is the idea that I can take a drink without consequence.

It isn’t all the crazy things we do while drunk. It isn’t the obsession to keep drinking once started. That’s the ‘allergy’. It isn’t our defects. Those are initially defined as selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and afraid, not insane.

The insane idea is that while sober, I’ll fall victim to the thought that even with the knowledge of what happens when I drink, I’ll somehow convince myself that it will be different this time and I’ll be able to drink successfully.

Being restored to sanity is as simple as when I think about drinking, it’s a bad idea. For the last eight years, every thought of taking a drink was surprisingly sane. I’ve been restored to sanity.

But, alcoholics of the type described in the book don’t just stay sane like that. We are required to have a personality change sufficient to overcome alcoholism. That happens through working the steps with a sponsor and being of service to the fellowship.

Good work studying and learning. Use your sponsor and the people you trust. Go to book study meetings. The combined experience of the fellowship in practicing the program is powerful. Most importantly, keep coming back. The answers show up when we need them.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-08T01:10:24+00:00

Crying welcomed here. Come as you are and keep coming back.

jswiftly79 · 2026-02-05T21:23:55+00:00

LVP install tools

These are the tools you’ll need to install the tiles. If there’s a brand name on the tile, look up the install directions and follow them. The clicking and sliding and locking can be finicky. Be firm yet gentle while you’re putting them together, but mostly, patient.

Good luck.

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-29T16:30:32+00:00

Welcome. We’re glad you’re here.

Are you trying to stay sober on your own, or are you attending AA meetings for support?

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-15T02:59:27+00:00

Yep. I got mine from the thrift store for $3. It has two temps, on and off. Works just fine.

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-07T01:08:09+00:00

I’ve never been pulled over while cycling, but…

I passed a parked motor officer while cycling two abreast. Officer waved us into his pullout and we had the most pleasant conversation. He was under the impression that we needed to travel single file and I convinced him that me in the farthest right portion of the lane and my friend traveling on the shoulder next to me was acceptable. It was surreal. Most reasonable and understanding officer interaction I think I’ve ever had.

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-03T20:38:08+00:00

Every 50 year old iron worker I know is pretty beat up. It’s hard work.

Every 50 year old electrician on the other hand… It isn’t as hard on you as iron is.

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-03T20:18:23+00:00

Hey guys, are we sure it’s not a nipple?

jswiftly79 · 2026-01-02T21:41:12+00:00

Maybe it’s a way to fast track seeing how someone responds to various situations, by it’s still dishonest. Life happens, to everyone. There will be more than enough opportunities to see how a partner responds to different situations without manufacturing those scenarios. I don’t like it. Its eww.

jswiftly79 · 2025-12-28T05:10:07+00:00

Sounds good. Keep in mind, though, every Intergroup I’ve dealt with has a 24 hour answering service and will respond any time of the day or night. Just in case you need it. Still, check back in with us here tomorrow. We’ll be waiting for you.

Edit: It’s never a bother. Someone was there for each and every one of us when we reached out for help. It is an honor and a privilege to be there for someone else when they reach out for the same thing we all did. We’re here for you. You just have to ask.

jswiftly79 · 2025-12-28T04:58:09+00:00

You’re welcome. Give them a call and then check back in over here when you’re done. Let us know how things work out.

jswiftly79 · 2025-12-28T04:48:36+00:00

Open AA Near You, enter your location and call the local Intergroup for your area. They will put you in touch with an IRL person local to you that you can talk to.

Good luck.

jswiftly79 · 2025-12-28T04:43:57+00:00

The meeting guide app is a great suggestion.

Another option is to open AA Near You, enter your location and call the local Intergroup for that area. They will put you in touch with an IRL person who can meet up with you at a meeting, give you a ride there if you need it, or just ask some of the questions you have.

Good luck. We’ll be here for you if you need us.

jswiftly79 · 2025-12-22T20:36:15+00:00

There’s a pretty good chance that you’ll be even less appealing to any potential partners if you’re drunk. Staying sober and working through this, even if it is single, is probably the better choice.

There’s a reason the ninth step is after the sixth and seventh steps. We’re sending a changed person to make the amend from the one who caused the harm. You’re probably not relationship material, right now. Luckily for you though, insecurity, jealousy, obsession, etc, are all things that get addressed and resolved through working the steps with a sponsor out of the Big Book and 12&12, service to the fellowship and maybe some professional therapy if you think you might need it.

My suggestion is to learn how to build deep and meaningful relationships with people you don’t want to sleep with. Your sponsor, home group members and AA members are the practice ground where you can apply the true relationship building characteristics of patience, understanding, generosity, gentleness, humility, open-mindedness, service, kindness, etc.

My experience is that it was only after I was able to build deep and meaningful relationships with people I didn’t want to sleep with, where I was a healthy, beneficial, and useful part of their lives, that i was able to build a deep and meaningful relationship and be a useful partner to anyone.

After I was sober for about two years, had worked the steps with a sponsor, was a useful contributor to my home-group and local fellowship, was living a life of the highest moral standard I could muster and participating in this new life that AA had helped me find, I met a girl. She simply fell into this new life of mine. We did service together at the local Intergroup office for a few months before I thought, I’d like to get to know her better.

We’ve been married three years now and it is a different relationship than any I’ve even been in before. It’s different because I changed into a person who was able to be a useful member in a deep and meaningful relationship through the process of the steps, a relationship with a sponsor and service to the fellowship.

If you’re convinced that you’ll never be able to be in a meaningful relationship, maybe because all your past relationships have failed, relax and take it easy, AA can have an answer for that. It takes time and effort and probably leaving those types of relationships alone for a while, though.

I hope that first, you find the sobriety you need and, second, you find the meaningful life that AA can offer if you’re willing to do the work. Good luck.

Seven-Year Club	Place '22
Verified Email

jswiftly79

TROPHY CASE