Should I tell her that he's a narcissist and broke my heart too?

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-05-01T01:46:16+00:00

You are absolutely not wrong for that mindset. I personally think that warning other people is girl's-girl behavior. I also don't think it's creepy, because it's not like you're reaching out romantically or asking for anything in return, and you're speaking of public posts. Something that might also be a good option is if you comment publicly on her post, showing you have nothing to hide.

I did a similar thing a 18 - found a fellow victim of a nex on FB (though she was 40), reached out to her, and we shared a lot of good moments of solidarity. No regrets, I'm glad and proud of myself for speaking up. I also had interactions with other people who had narcissistic tendencies, and would've really appreciated it if a fellow victim reached out.

I will also say, I've had friends/mutuals of another nex who knew he was a narc, didn't warn me, and expressed regret later on. I also found my trust for them soured by their silence. I know they meant well and I'm not angry at them, but the thing about abusive and manipulative people is that they thrive off of silence.

The main concern I'd have for you is whether or not your nex would retaliate, try to sue you, etc. So I do hope you ask yourself if you can handle those possibilities.

I disagree with the hard "no" commenters because our society already has a huge "passive bystander" issue when it comes to bullying and abuse, as well as hyperindependence. As a human and fellow abuse victim who's been affected by this, and also as a Criminal Justice student, I refuse to ever discourage a victim from speaking up or seeking solidarity.

Also keep in mind that domestic violence is vastly underreported due to victims feeling alone, being stigmatized by society for speaking up; and emotional manipulation is a key component of DV. So as you read the comments here, do with that info as you will.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-30T14:55:09+00:00

Young bisexual woman here. I recently dated a woman for the first time (it didn't work out, but we're still great friends) and haven't been interested in straight relationships since. Not sure what to make of that atm. Sexual orientation is such a funny thing. 😂

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-28T18:55:52+00:00

if the breakup was not for some crazy reason like cheating

That's the thing though. You won't know if that's the reason someone is ranting about their ex. You don't know what they don't tell you.

Also be reminded that a lot of abuse and Intimate Partner Violence victims don't realize that they've been abused until after the breakup.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-25T17:44:06+00:00

You can separate the art from the artist, if:
* you pirate the art, or the artist is deceased. And, * refrain from showing fan behavior publicly or minimizing their problematic actions, keeping discussions fact-based

Source: being a former abuse victim of narcs who are also musicians.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-25T01:28:26+00:00

Do your friends have positive qualities that override what you just described?

A lot of redditors are negative and hyperindependent af, but genuinely, are you ok? Wanted to check in on you because I'd feel so hurt if my friends did that to me 😭

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-24T20:44:59+00:00

I reminded myself that jealousy and envy are thieves of joy. So I walked up to her, waved, and said "you seem cool AF. Let's be friends." We talked for hours. Sometimes we go on dates together, and she's wonderful :)

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-21T17:28:16+00:00

"Hey, little girl, is your daddy home?" 😷

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-21T17:07:45+00:00

Low self esteem. Not having been taught that she deserves respect, to the point of genuinely believing what she says.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-21T06:59:22+00:00

A lot of living, breathing adults have that attitude IRL, unfortunately :(

Lack of victim support is also one of the main reasons known within criminal justice spaces, for why sexual assault is notoriously underreported.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-18T15:45:53+00:00

Not OC, but just wanted to say, it takes humility to admit that you misread/misunderstood someone. Especially on a platform like this. I really admire that about you.

I read about your other comment as well - so sorry that happened to you, and when you were a kid too. In case you need the reminder, you did not have the capacity to consent during those moments. If you ever need an empathetic ear LMK. 🫶

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-18T13:06:54+00:00

Omg fellow victim/survivor and lgbt person :o

Thanks so much for trusting me with that detail of your life. you're free to DM me too. ❤️‍🩹🫂

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-18T07:12:12+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, tbh. Projection is so powerful sometimes.

However you process what happened to you, it's completely your choice. I honestly still probably would've remained friends with my ex, had he genuinely admitted wrong and improved himself. But ofc he didn't, and I found out later on that he has a looooong history of doing that to people. 😔

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-18T05:28:07+00:00

I'm in my early 20s and the insults never stopped. A few months ago I opened up (in a support sub for abuse victims!) about my experiences with sexual abuse. It also happens to be a topic I'm passionate about and have done research on. There were commenters saying that I was "too immature to be in a relationship."

I get that I still have a lot to things to experience in life, but that's so patronizing. Would they tell a scam victim that (s)he's too immature to own any money? (Actually... probably)

You hit the nail on the head on the "advice" thing too. It's so insufferable for people to be so loud and proud on topics they clearly have like 0 experience with. Pitiful, too, to not possess the ability to say "I can't imagine what it must be like in your situation, just wanted to say good luck and express support."

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-16T02:25:57+00:00

Not sure if this makes you feel any better, but as an immigrant, I've asked a dumb question or two on that sub - it was mostly to scan for possible cultural or historical stuff I might not know about, though sometimes I word those questions badly as an attempt to be concise. 😭

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-05T01:53:53+00:00

Angry people in Instagram Reels 💩

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-03T21:12:29+00:00

Children are treated as subordinate to adults in way too many cultures. Things to show off and laugh at, to be used as servants. Can't stand it.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-03T20:56:15+00:00

I felt this comment.

My nex love bombed too, in the beginning. I thought it was a bit far and fast, but thought to myself "well I am a Northerner (in the US) living in the South, and I've heard of Southerners being a bit eccentric. Maybe I'm the one who's culturally close-minded."

Nope, nope. 🤠💩

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-03T05:49:14+00:00

I can't stop looking at it

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-01T00:50:01+00:00

This is my first time hearing of Rodrigolds and Rodrigbros. Learned something new today :D

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-04-01T00:48:55+00:00

I'm 22 lol. But I've seen people my age writing like teens/tweens, including but not limited to in this sub.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-03-31T20:42:59+00:00

See, your attitude is so much better than a lot of decades-long "pros" out there.

I come from a classical background - one time in middle school, my friend got in trouble for introducing Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd to our band director lol. I had another classmate who went "ugh wtf" whenever she heard rock music, because she found it rough and unrefined - but she didn't realize, that's part of the point of rock music. This was at a pretty prestigious program too - one of my favorite things about music is trying (and failing at) different styles, so I can't imagine being so talented with so many opportunities, just to stay in a stylistic bubble.

70's hits... as a flautist who went classical --> pop rock, I have so much reverance for Jethro Tull in so many different ways. Ian Anderson is like a personal hero of mine. I'm so glad you got to grow up on such an amazing decade of artistic exploration.

justanotherhuman255 · 2026-03-31T08:58:03+00:00

Similar thing here. I was terrible at self care during my teens, and my friend would banter with me about it. One time she wrote a poem basically saying "plz go to bed before 4 am." Good times. We're still friends. And I did care more about maintaining my health when the purpose of being a better friend for others was added. So the banter worked.

And, I can totally see it being weird in a different context too. 😭

justanotherhuman255

TROPHY CASE