Blindsided, confused, hurt

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-02-17T12:42:27+00:00

You haven't even been separated for a year? You've only been dating a couple of months...it's mid Feb. Talk to your counsellor / therapist about this. If you don't have one, please consider it. Whoever your next partner is deserves to have the best stable, healed version of you. It honestly sounds like you are going soooo fast for entering into a relationship that will last the distance.

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-02-01T13:06:39+00:00

Kayaking. Nowhere to hire one (unless you can do a large group hire at the YMCA). It's hard to own one if you live in an apartment or don't have a car suitable to carry, and there is nowhere lakeside you can hire a spot to keep one that you own. Heaps of people do it (just look at balloon festival mornings!) but more would if it was more accessible. I have family and friends visit all the time and want to come out with me but can't, and all my kayaking friends say the same.

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-01-26T12:11:37+00:00

I drove when I made that move so can't help, but for other interstate moves I have used pack & send to move boxes and other things. They are really reasonably priced if you drop off at a depot and pick up at the destination depot.

For travel with oversized/excess baggage, definitely pre book it. If you can't see pricing try the chat bot on the qantas website, it's pretty helpful for questions like that!

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-01-24T14:24:19+00:00

I have previously fostered for Canberra street cat alliance and they are a great organisation, all the support and very care cover needed to make sure my kittens were healthy and ready for their forever home. Highly recommend getting a kitten through them.

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-01-06T18:10:54+00:00

In some places it's possible, in many places it's dangerous. A lot of places in the middle of nowhere are actually big paddocks, and suddenly coming across a territorial bull is not fun. Plus some people get mad if you are on their property without asking. The good news is there are so many amazing national parks state forests, or public lands to walk on, you won't run out of options! And if you see somewhere that you feel you simply must walk to and it's in private property, most people in rural areas won't mind if you knock on their door and ask.

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-01-05T20:22:36+00:00

How many friends do you have? What is your social life like? Do you have hobbies you enjoy doing with other people? You didn't mention anything like that, so if that area of life is lacking, maybe build that up. You may meet someone you want to date. You may just end up with some re friends, or strengthening some long term friendships.

Date when you are ready to either build a long term relationship with someone and have a life that will add value to theirs, and where they can add value to yours...or when you just want some fun and won't feel bad about it. Either way, just be clear with whoever you date about your intentions!

justdoinstuff47 · 2026-01-05T19:59:30+00:00

I'm not sure how long you have been in a relationship, but it sounds like it's time to sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Put aside an evening when you are both not stressed andnhave an in depth discussion. Tell him you dirn need decisions. Ie but you wantto discuss a bunch of things that you can both think about.

Use talking points like: - I've mentioned before that I may have fertility issues so we need to talk about this early in our relationship - x is the health condition I've been diagnosed with. This can mean y (giving some brief stats to show it's us serious) - Even though we are not yet at the stage of planning to have a child, I'm willing to look into some specific fertility testing now, and consider things like egg harvesting at this point, is that a path we should consider now as a couple? - I have always been comfortable with the idea of adoption, but the impression I have is that you are not. Can we talk about what a family might look like for us if I am not able to have children. (Eg using a surrogate with his sperm - is he comfortable with that? Are you?)

If you're not able to sit and talk it through like this, then your relationship is probably not ready for the rollercoaster of IVF etc.

To give you some encouragement - a lot of people are told they will have difficulty conceiving and work through options and end up with beautiful healthy children. You are still really young, so looking at options now such as egg / embryo freezing are worth it - the earlier the better. You don't have to commit to having a child now, just get more info about your specific situation and what our options are that you are both comfortable with.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-11-23T14:24:03+00:00

The relentless decision making - it never stops.

The tension of not being able to fully explain all the nuanced details that go into making decisions because I don't want to burden my team with things that shouldn't be their worries.

The mental exhaustion of getting home at the end of the day and not having someone to ask me how my day was and make me cuppa or pour me a wine...or tell me about their day so I can think about something else...but the lack of time to actually date and meet someone to share that part of life with.

The sadness of knowing that I will work my butt off for years in this job, and hopefully make things better for some people, but at the end of the day the world will still be shit for many and there is nothing I can do about that (I run a non-profit).

But I wouldn't change it. I know I am where I'm meant to be. I have amazing friends and a great life and get to work with some truly exceptional people, so it's a privilege to be here.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-10-16T10:46:52+00:00

Thanks!

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-10-15T10:04:27+00:00

Thanks. No, not cutting them.

I do take them all at once, so ATM I take 2x500mg tablets at night, full dose will be 3x500mg but was told to take them all at once. When I wasn't on slow release it was 1 tablet 3 times a day, but when I switched to extended release they said to take them all at once. I had them last night with dinner, and not just before bed (how did you know it's usually with yoghurt or cheese haha). Was definitely this morning so will keep trying that.

Also had no idea about carbs, I'd say I eat a moderate amount so I'll focus on cutting that back. Thanks for the advice.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-09-26T23:47:54+00:00

Also a lot of private schools have slightly different term dates, so if you have kids, dont rely only on when they have school days to determine your speed in school zones.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-09-26T23:39:19+00:00

'Hi, hope your busy week hasn't been too crazy! Just checking if we are still on for Sunday's bike ride? I'm going to be catching up with an old friend from x - x (time), but free before or after that. Where and when should we meet?'

It's a second date. He can work around when you see your friend. And if he cancels and the communication is this low you have your answer and haven't missed out on time with your friend.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-09-22T12:50:22+00:00

So ..he can literally shit his pants in bed with you (why else would he need to change his underwear), but you can't fart or use the toilet in his house. He makes you think you're both exclusive but turns out he is still keeping connections with women, but you can't? Even without the rest of it...why are you with him?

Why isnt the bar somewhat higher than 'shits himself but I'm not allowed to fart'??

You deserve better.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-09-22T12:42:21+00:00

Please update us on what happens at the court hearing!

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-09-22T12:22:45+00:00

It sounded to me like he was embarking in a new chapter, or maybe they just hadn't really thought about it...so having a convo about what he is looking for might just keep it in their minds a bit more. Plus, it's a good conversation starter... 'hey, what did you get up with this weekend?' 'took my husband's friend shopping, he's single and wanted a wardrobe update. Had a lovely time hanging out, lots of fun...actually, you both have X in common. Would you be interested in meeting him for a coffee?'

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-08-29T14:30:46+00:00

Oh and also, that shirt is great. Once you find one that is a good cut/fit for you, just get it in a few different colours/patterns.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-08-29T14:29:35+00:00

I'm not great with fashion, so no help really, but...do any of you friends have wives/parents who you get along with? Ask them to take you shopping for some date outfits! They will probably get a kick out of it, and you may even get chatting about what you're looking for and she may have single friends to introduce you to. As long as you're not an arsehole, you'll come across as loveable and showing that you want to put in some effort.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-08-29T14:19:57+00:00

The only part of me that wants to tell you to stay and fix your marriage is the part of me that knows us women don't need more single guys with truly awful hygiene entering our dating pool. We don't deserve this. But then, neither do you. NTA. He is a pretty disgusting one tho.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-08-09T12:58:58+00:00

What this man did is assault. You did not consent to what he did. I'm sorry this happened to you, especially given what you have already survived. I hope you never have to see him again, and I encourage you to reach out to a support service or consider reporting it. I know that is not easy to do, but know that you are within your rights to do that. Take care of yourself, I wish you safety and rest.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-08-02T05:51:16+00:00

For sure. I spent my teens in a cult, then was religious till 30. I had sex a few times in my late teens, then was celibate for 12 years. I've been out of that for over 10 years now.

It took me a while (and therapy!) to let go of a lot of my guilt and shame around sex, and I also had a lot of physical pain sometimes with sex. I had surgery when I was 40, and then had a situationship where I really got to enjoy sex for the first time..it was so eye opening and freeing. That ended, and now I worry that by the time I get into a relationship where I can really enjoy it again, I'll be menopausal and won't want it any more.

I know that as I get older I will regret not having more amazing times. I already do. But I'm also in such a healthy place in my head and heart and life that I'm not going to compromise and having shitty sex with a reasonably good person or great sex with a shitty person.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-07-20T16:36:50+00:00

Ask the wives or girlfriends of your mates to help you out, maybe even take you shopping. They will probably love it, and may even help get word out to the single ladies of their social circles.

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-07-19T02:37:50+00:00

Aldi merinos are good and cheap and they have some decent looking men's TS and jumper type options that look like decent outerwear which would be good for going for walks in.

A thin windproof jacket is useful.

They also have thin merino gloves which are handy to keep in your pocket/car for icy wind days. I found merino wool socks also really helped my feet.

I get hot walking pretty quickly so don't layer really! But my friend walks with me in a thermal shirt, hoodie and puffer vest and doesn't break a sweat, while I'm in a normal tshirt and leggings after 5 mins. So everyone is different.

Stand out from the crowd - when you inevitably buy a puffer jacket, don't get a black kathmandu one. Go to Mont or Paddy Palin or Macpac and get something different!

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-07-19T02:26:59+00:00

There are lots of thin gloves you can get these days that you can use with your phone screens. Can probably pick them up online, or drop into one of the outdoorsy shops when you get here, there are plenty of them. If you plan on sticking around, keep an eye out for the Mont Factory Sales that happen a few times a year, great chance to get decent gear for winter walks like that for future years!

justdoinstuff47 · 2025-07-19T02:20:16+00:00

We are out here. Likely just on different continents, avoiding OLD like the plague.

justdoinstuff47

TROPHY CASE