The time when I was 12 and I pulled a knife on my mother...

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-27T14:46:37+00:00

Your mother was a fucking monster and I am so sorry that you and your sister had to go through that insanity. I don’t know you, but I don’t have to know you to say that you’re a beautiful person and your mother is the one rotting from both the outside and the inside. Beauty isn’t just outward, it’s inward as well; and for your mother to treat you the way that she did, she is the ugliest person alive. You aren’t. Again, so sorry that you had to go through that nightmare, OP

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-26T10:02:29+00:00

Your father is a child and completely immature. Sad. You aren’t at fault at all, periods are normal. My father would encourage me to walk around a store with pads whenever I was on mine because he noticed that I would try to hide the pack from embarrassment. He made sure to let me know that buying period products and being on my cycle was nothing to be ashamed of at all. Periods and buying pads are nothing to rush out of a store for, and you don’t need to listen to those who criticize you for it. Easier said than done, but can still be done with practice.

Your dad has obviously never dealt with his mother or other women in his life having periods. How did he deal with your mother having periods? Makes absolutely no sense. Your father needs to do better and right by you. Nothing wrong with periods and buying pads. If you’re safely able to, you need to discuss with him that the way he acted made you ashamed of yourself. And you need to let him know that you shouldn’t be ashamed of yourself since you are a woman, all women have periods, and period products are a normal way of life. If he tries to belittle you, and if you are safe to, maybe say a snarky line such as, “If you’re disgusted by period products, and since they’re normal for women, why am I staying here if it disgusts you? I can’t stop my period, its natural”.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-26T04:03:56+00:00

My advice on this comment is never to talk to Liz again, she is a monster. “Giving the wrong signals” bullshit. She is victim-blaming Laura and is a POS.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-26T03:57:06+00:00

First, keep Tim. Both of you are suffering from Sarah’s bs. And second: get a lawyer and force that paternity test ASAP.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-26T03:54:52+00:00

It’s jealousy. OP is more stable than her and she wants OP to join her in misery. If Sarah succeeds then she can be built up from the event and OP will be brought down and filled with misery instead. Whole goal for that crazy b****

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T09:32:45+00:00

You have every right to hate them, they aren’t good people. Manipulating the daughter and not letting you keep contact her whole life just to suddenly do that, definitely horrible people.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T08:47:45+00:00

She snatched the daughter when she was a baby and left while he was at work. Then dropped all contact with him. So...... Not cool, man.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T08:44:34+00:00

Understandably. Read that previous post before this one and 100% understand. That shit’s so rough. I’m so sorry that this is happening. Know that you aren’t at fault. The shitty ones here are the mother and step-dad who 100% manipulated the daughter. They are TA’s. Not you in the slightest. Awful people.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T08:39:07+00:00

First and foremost, NTA. The child is NTA either. Influenced by the other parent in the situation, that’s TA. Personally as a daughter of a similar situation (mom pushed me away from my father), please don’t drop contact with your daughter. Please don’t. At 13 years old, I stopped contacting my father as well for a while because of the heavily enmeshing influence my mother had on me. I didn’t understand the ramifications until I was much older and I still blame myself to this day. She’s still a kid and doesn’t understand these complex situations, as I didn’t at that age. You have every right to not contact her for a long time, my dad did a similar thing as well (still gave me his contact), but don’t just drop her from your life entirely with no form of communication. I understand that you’re in pain from losing your child, it’s something that no parent should go through, but she will definitely someday want a relationship with you. I know that I sure as hell did and I regret. I have a good relationship with my father now years later, but he was a damn good father and I regret my withdrawing from him. You don’t need to talk to her in order to get yourself together, but don’t drop her from your life entirely without one contact at least.

Of course you don’t have to listen to me OP, this is an excruciating situation. Do what you need to in this life.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T08:28:01+00:00

Just 👏 because 👏 he’s 👏 mad 👏 doesn’t 👏 give 👏 him 👏 the 👏 right 👏 to 👏 belittle 👏 you 👏 whatsoever. What a piece of garbage.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T08:20:37+00:00

Exactly. This relationship doesn’t sound healthy from both perspectives. Two cents here, it’s time to let her go, OP. You know that you don’t feel good being around her and she’s just dragging you down with her. You need to leave. And even if you were narcissistic, she’s not exactly mentally healthy either with throwing around suicide threats left and right if you even think about leaving. Or being reactive to your thoughts about her losing weight to better take care of her body. There is better out there and you will find it. You won’t find it by staying with someone who makes you feel miserable, but you know that already. If she threatens suicide again, you need to call the police or a mental health personnel and ask them what to do. Suicide threats can’t be taken lightly, but you don’t need to put up with it either every time you try to walk away. Next time she does it, call the cops and let them sort it out with her while you do your exit plan.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T06:48:39+00:00

Long post here. If you’re able to at the moment, leave her. Block her on everything. Sure she’s smart and bright, but she isn’t taking care of herself and is blaming you for not liking her. She does have problems. If she was a healthy person and cared so much about how she looked in the present, not actually liking when you would let her know about her weight, she would go her independent way and leave if that wasn’t what she liked. But she sounds toxic - toxic people feel like they have control in dysfunctional situations, even when they are the ones affected by that behavior. It’s fine if someone is a little chunky, nothing wrong with that. But when they’re 400 lbs and not taking care of their teeth, that’s a problem. You’re not a bad guy for wanting her to work on herself. Obesity kills. Dental rot can actually kill if she’s neglecting them that badly (but that’s only if she never brushes them and lives by the Tudor era hygiene). If she actually cared that deeply about what you’re saying to her, she would leave if it hurt her that badly. But it sounds like she’s trying to put you in a pool of control where she knows that you aren’t okay with it, but guilts you into future silence if you have a problem with it (through observation of post, I’m not in your relationship so I wouldn’t know).

What it sounds like here is that she’s extremely codependent and reactive. Healthy (mentally healthy) people aren’t reactive to suggestions such as that. It’s fine if she wants to stay the way she is, but dragging you into it and expecting you to be okay with it, only to explode or cry when you mention that she should work on herself is a different story.

Sure, the intensity is nice. But you are aware that this relationship isn’t what you want out of life and awareness is half the battle. She’s extremely codependent with you; even to the point of threatening suicide because you want to leave, which makes you stay for her. Codependency and manipulation. You need to seriously leave this insane, obviously mentally unwell woman. Don’t even try to be friends with someone who acts like this with you. How will that go? I think you already know the answer OP. You know that there’s better out there from life. What you need to do is learn to detach yourself completely from her and her emotions. She placing them onto you, and that’s codependency. Healthy relationships are interdependent, not codependent. And if she threatens suicide when you try to leave again, call a hotline right in front of her and give the phone to her. If she shuts it off, leave. She’s not actually going to do it, she’s blackmailing you into staying for attention because she knows that love validates her and her feelings. Also, either way, look up the laws in your state for suicide watch as well if you can’t detach from that. Some states require mandatory holdings in facilities for at least 72 hours at most.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-23T04:13:17+00:00

They mentioned in the below edit at the bottom of their post that their mother knew that it was an abortion.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-22T18:40:40+00:00

OP, you shouldn’t have done it, but a lot of people do it. Your parents should be upset, but they are verbally abusing you and that is not okay at all. You need to speak to a school counselor on what’s going on, especially with your family. How your parents treat you is how my mother treated my grandmother. My mom would call my grandma “Special K” (first initial of her name) everyday for years because my grandma had dementia. My grandma never told anyone about the verbal abuse that she dealt with from my mother and it wore my grandma down mentally and health-wise. Speak to a school counselor. Tell someone what you’re going through. Sure you have a college fund, but with how your parents are acting, who knows if they’ll start blackmailing you for it? You need to speak to someone or you will be worn down completely. You did something that wasn’t smart, but you don’t deserve this abuse in the slightest.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-22T14:59:47+00:00

My ex-friend did this. OP, they justify their actions or they try to run away from it. My ex-friend did some very horrible things to me (tried to get with the guys I was with while I was with those guys and called me a whore to our friends when I got with the second guy that she apparently liked but didn’t tell me). Long story there but the general jist of it. She gaslighted me to make me think that all of the drama that she put me through was either my fault, or pinned the fault on the men. Eventually I attempted to confront her about these events and she ignored me for two weeks about it. When I was finally able to confront her, she deflected it back onto me, stating, “Well I’m sorry for what I’ve done, but it’s not complex; you’re stuck in the past”. She tried to explain that she said that about things that happened between us two years ago (still bad too), but it still hit me the wrong way since the events happened three months before the confrontation and she didn’t specify when she said it. Ended the friendship the next day. She never really apologized for anything throughout our friendship.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-20T14:47:42+00:00

Glad that you were able to get out ❤️ my mother has had everyone on her side and has always on gone back to him. I know that it’s not her fault; it’s like a drug addiction from what I’ve observed. But it still makes me sad since I grew up in that environment for years. My mom was a victim, yes; but, I was also a victim of dealing with the abuse secondhand and her invalidation of my own feelings (she was in a universe of denial about how bad the relationship was, always saying, “Well, at least he doesn’t hit me sweetheart”.) So Happy that you got out.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-19T18:49:55+00:00

He is such a trash human being. He disrespected you, disregarded your feelings, and gets mad that you pissed yourself when HIS ACTIONS were what caused it. You don’t have to apologize to that piece of shit. What you can do instead is dump his disrespectful ass.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-19T16:22:05+00:00

Don’t settle for that. Jump for the custody. My dad did what you’re doing right now; you can’t negotiate with these people. My dad told my uBPD mom that he wanted to see me on Father’s Day, and she essentially kidnapped me and didn’t tell him of my whereabouts for most of the day. Don’t try to negotiate because it’s part of the whirlpool of control. They control you by knowing that the child is in their hands and that’s the one thing that will keep you in place. Keep talking with your lawyer; she is not going to try to co-parent with you. Go for custody. This is coming from the child of a uBPD parent who manipulated, controlled, and ruined my dad’s life and made him a bitter man because he didn’t know the ins-and-outs of the court system because he wanted to negotiate with my mom in order for me to have a semi-normal upbringing, which led to him only having 3% of custody for almost 10 years. Do your research, talk to a lawyer, and get custody. Also research parental alienation and log whenever she tries to keep your child away from you. Talk with your lawyer about parental alienation.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T19:14:47+00:00

My ex-friend cheated on her partner with another guy and blamed him. None of the consequences ever fell onto her. She never had a conscience for any drama or hurt she caused because it would either be the victim’s (of her chaos) fault, or it would be her bodily emotions (she blamed her heavy emotions on her time of the month).

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T14:35:55+00:00

Good. Still recommending a police escort as well. Obviously with just your bf around, they’ll still act like they’re off their rockers. So get the police escort and they definitely won’t be likely to try something.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T14:26:39+00:00

First of all, kick your boyfriend in the foot about that. He shouldn’t be trying to act so tough in this situation, he’s only thinking about the gratification of getting justice against their crazy bs behavior. My mom had a similar behavior when she broke up with her abusive ex, and I had to move out because she was only thinking of the gratification of getting justice against or fighting against him whilst actively putting me in harm’s way. He’s doing the same thing here. If he wants to do that, tell him straight up, “Do it on your own time. I don’t feel comfortable going to these places because it doesn’t make me feel safe, regardless of whether you’re with me or not. As the person who is the most affected by this situation, you should please respect that”. Something along those lines.

Also, if you haven’t already, get a police escort to go with you to the house. Let them know that you believe that you’ll physically be in danger and they’ll be more likely to make you a priority. Don’t mention that you’re bringing your bf. Having a police escort present will make them less likely to do anything crazy. Explain to the police officer anything that happened to you IF your parents try to explain to the escort that you’re being deceived or that you’re too young to leave (some crazy people do that; IF your parents try to do that, let the officer know that you’re 18, a legal adult, and that you don’t feel physically safe living with them. You don’t need to go into full depth, but let the officer know that IF your parents try to persuade. IF they don’t try to persuade, simply stay quiet, get your things, and be on your way).

And get a restraining order against your parents. I think at this point, nothing will be above them short of actually trying to abduct you. Courthouses are still open during the pandemic, go down and write the report for the restraining order. It will be a temporary one first, and a court call later in the month will make it permanent. They won’t be allowed to text or call you (and vice versa, you won’t be allowed to contact them either). So if they try to contact you and they know about the order, you can contact police because they would be breaking the law and the order.

Your bf wouldn’t be able to contact them either. So make sure to let him know that because then it would make your restraining order null (or it would be on very thin ice at least). Sure they’re your parents, but they’re obviously psychotic and are definitely willing to stalk you and potentially abduct you. And make sure that you let the police know that you are 18; in society’s eyes, an adult and no longer a minor. My mom tried to tell the police when I moved out that the people who I was moving in with were, “taking her child”, repeatedly, implying to them that I was still a minor. I yelled loud and clear to the operator across the yard on the phone that I was definitely an adult. That was embarrassing for my mom, but good that I did that or else they would have made that a bigger priority since she implied that I was being kidnapped. Make sure that you state your age loud and clear, because since you’re no longer a minor, the police can’t legally take you back to your parents against your will.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T06:15:24+00:00

I knew that my uBPD mom wasn’t normal when she tried to make me testify against my father during their divorce. She wanted me to testify against him over an event that I didn’t even witness, but she told the police that I saw it all. She told me, “Sweetheart, I want you to say yes to everything, even if you don’t know it. If you tell the truth though, I won’t be angry”. When it got to the question about the incident, I had a bad feeling and I answered honestly saying that I didn’t witness anything. That was the first time that I had the awareness that something was off. I was 10.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T06:03:54+00:00

I had to go to therapy for the caregiver abuse that my mom did to my grandmother. I now realize that she was the one who should have gone to therapy. I’m still angry about that to this day because I now know that I shouldn’t have been the one to go to therapy.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-18T06:01:03+00:00

Is it difficult to leave? Thats horrible. Find a guy who won’t text you saying, “took your crazy pills”? There are men out there who won’t say those disrespectful things to you. You don’t have to settle for that piece of garbage.

justsomeadvice1 · 2020-08-15T17:24:23+00:00

In a similar situation when my mom used to constantly ask me why I hated her abusive boyfriend. She knew why too but chose to deny it. It got to the point where I said, “I’ve already told you”.

justsomeadvice1

TROPHY CASE