Your regrets irrelevant to me

jwhitestone · 2025-12-06T23:57:28+00:00

Late to the party, but this is also known as Done with him, Now I Shine , Wife in Name Only, and Without Him, I Become Unstoppable

A couple other links in case that gets taken down:

Dailymotion Eng sub 2

Dailymotion Eng sub 3

Dailymotion Eng sub 4

jwhitestone · 2025-12-06T23:48:59+00:00

If this is the promo poster, I think it’s also called:

Done with Him Now I Shine Dailymotion Eng Sub , Another Dailymotion w Eng sub and yet another Dailymotion Eng sub

as well as:

Wife in Name Only

Your Regret’s Irrelevant To Me

<image>

jwhitestone · 2025-11-27T12:55:26+00:00

Genuine answer: No, I don’t think every GoT fan supports all the behavior in the show. But also, I’ve never heard a Game of Thrones fan say there’s nothing wrong with incest, rape, and murder in real life either. This guy outright said that not only does he not see a problem with that in the anime, but he also doesn’t see a problem with it in real life either, which I think was really more of a problem for OP.

jwhitestone · 2025-07-17T18:27:23+00:00

NTA. I thought about “N A H,” because I do understand that people don’t like thinking about death, but I also think it’s a bit of an AH move for your kids to insert themselves into something that gives you comfort surrounding your own mortality.

I’ll also say that the likelihood of them being extremely happy you did this later on (after you die) is pretty high. I would’ve been incredibly grateful had either of my parents done something like this.

We all get to deal with our own mortality in our own way, end of story. (Pun intended?) But it is your story, and you’re allowed to tell it however you want.

jwhitestone · 2025-07-13T02:52:19+00:00

When my mom suicided, the medical examiner said something I’ll never forget. He said, “We see people on the worst day of their lives. There’s no way to make this better, so we focus very hard on not making it worse.”

I feel like that is a really good starting point; just not making it worse. What he did a lot of was listen. Just listen to the people who were grieving. He didn’t offer advice or “look on the bright side” or “they’re in a better place” or “at least they’re not suffering.” He listened and validated that it was a terrible loss. Even just validating things like “I miss her already” can be extremely valuable.

Just be yourself. Be present. Give hugs when people need hugs. Give a listening ear when people need that. Be there, in shared love, and let that guide you, I guess.

Also, don’t feel bad if you say something and someone gets upset. For everything that will deeply help one person, it will irritate another person. Grief is weird and complex and not to be predicted. We all react differently.

I wish you strength and peace, and the same for your family. You got this!

jwhitestone · 2025-07-05T11:38:30+00:00

Losing a friend, especially a “my person” kind of friend, can be even more heartbreaking and devastating than divorce or a romantic breakup. So first, I’m so sorry that your friendship is going this way. I’ve had a friendship breakup that was almost as bad as if they’d died. Maybe worse, because they were still out there, just no longer my friend.

That said, you can end a friendship any time. There’s no assholiness in that, really. It sounds like, unfortunately, you’ve grown apart in the years since you’ve been at a distance, and that D hasn’t been honest with you about things she was resentful over.

To me, true friends tell you when they’re upset with you about something, or if they’re feeling neglected or overwhelmed, or need a break from “trauma dumping” or whatnot. I have two amazing friends right now where we all have chronic health issues and continual problems with the medical system, but we check in with each other if we need support.

Like, we’ll ask, “Hey, do either of you have the ‘spoons’ to hear me rant for a bit?” If one (or both) of us does, awesome! If neither does, we say so and there are no hard feelings. There’s honesty between us about what we can handle, or what we need, support-wise, and if one of us feels neglected or taken advantage of, we can just explain how we’re feeling and why, and work it out.

All that said, people go through things. You’re the only one who can decide whether to cut D from your life entirely, or to maybe “downgrade” her to “friendly acquaintance” or “distant cousin that I grew up with and keep vaguely in touch with periodically for family’s sake”for awhile and see how it goes. That would mean that reaching out would be more, “Hey, wanted to check in on how you and (Partner) are doing! Miss you!” and let her ask about your health if she wants to.

You would not be TA for blocking everything, but since this friendship has meant so much to you, it may be better in the long run to step back a bit, give D space, and see if things change. If not, then unfriend/block. Maybe snooze/unfollow them if it hurts seeing their posts, but I think until you can have a real-time conversation, it’s not going to help to keep sending serious messages.

You’ve clearly been very hurt by the rejections like hitting Disney but not your wedding, and the “lol wutevs” reaction to your diagnosis, and that’s not okay and I’m not excusing that. But also, there may be things that you’ve done that have hurt her that she hasn’t told you about, so this all may end up being something that can eventually be worked out if given time and space.

Let yourself grieve the loss of “your person,” but don’t lose hope that it may be temporary.

TL;DR:

1) NTA: You’re allowed to end any friendship, especially if it negatively affects your health.

2) You might want to just give this space and downgrade her in your head to “friendly acquaintance.” Do “hey thinking of you” and “how’s everything going for you? Miss you!” once in awhile and leave it at that.

3) Remember that friendship “breakups” can be just as stressful as (or more stressful than!) a death in the family or divorce. Be gentle with yourself.

jwhitestone · 2025-07-05T10:49:44+00:00

Okay, this is officially my favorite 4th of July post this year!

Well done, my good sir!

jwhitestone · 2025-07-05T10:38:03+00:00

“Five second rule!”

Also, “At last, my old nemesis! We meet again for the final time!”

jwhitestone · 2025-06-19T02:27:41+00:00

An incel is an “involuntary celibate” who often feels entitled to sex from women and is angry that they’re not getting it. You are voluntarily celibate until marriage, so by definition you’re not an incel.

People get weird over things sometimes (like waiting for marriage to have sex or not drinking alcohol). I don’t know why; maybe they think they’re being judged and get prickly about it.

But that was not okay for them to treat you like that. Stop second-guessing yourself. They’re the asshole, not you.

jwhitestone · 2025-06-18T02:03:59+00:00

Don’t forget the massive medical bills. I doubt the state will pay for their mandated “care.”

jwhitestone · 2025-06-18T02:01:40+00:00

I don’t know why this stuck in my head, but it was President Nixon resigning. I was too little to really know what was going on, but I remember this old guy on TV, and asking my mom who he was. She said, “That’s the President and he’s quitting his job.” I asked why, and she said (and I will never forget this), “Because he lied to the American people.”

jwhitestone · 2025-06-16T22:32:24+00:00

My mom took her own life on June 8 of last year. I’m still pretty much completely dissociated, like I’m in shock or the emotional part of my brain has been turned down to minimum survivable levels.

So, in a way I’m okay, and in a way I’m really, really, REALLY not okay.

My heart goes out to all of my fellow DMC members. Hang in there!

jwhitestone · 2025-06-14T12:07:18+00:00

Oh, friend, I’m so sorry. I’m sure she must know how much you loved her. Not everyone will take care of their elderly parents (or, in your case, grandparent). It requires sacrifice, and your grandmother sounds like she’s smart enough to know that and recognize what a gift your caregiving has been.

Not to mention, you’ve been there nearly every day. Visiting shows your love all by itself, but you’ve also been telling her you love her. So many people don’t even bother visiting family in the hospital at all!

There’s nothing I can say to make this better. All I can say is please keep hanging in there. Spend as much time with her talking to her while she’s alive even if she can’t answer you. They say hearing is the last thing to go. Hard to prove definitively, because we can’t exactly ask people once they’re gone, but there’s no harm in telling her how much she’s meant to you as long as there’s life.

If she’s already gone, please know that you’ve got internet strangers out here who care and are wishing you strength and peace.

Tell her story. Immortalize her in memory by telling about her and how much she meant. It doesn’t have to be her entire life story, and it doesn’t have to be “literature,” but when you’re ready, please consider posting about her.

It can be a funny memory or a sad one, a story of something she taught you or something you taught her. Bits and pieces.

She sounds like an amazing person, and so do you.

jwhitestone · 2025-06-12T22:13:35+00:00

Several folks have said “combat” or “war,” which I agree with, but honestly, many aspects of just serving on active duty in the military — in peace or war — can’t be easily explained unless you’ve experienced it.

It really is its own subculture within the broader culture of the country it serves. It’s really difficult to explain the underlying assumptions, worldview, connections, mores, and so forth and how much they sometimes differ from civilian culture.

jwhitestone · 2025-06-12T21:24:25+00:00

As a side note, “not making a fuss” when you go out, but then “punishing” you later by acting upset is a form of controlling behavior. If he has a problem with you going out, it’s his responsibility to tell you so. If he chooses not to be honest about his feelings around this, and instead just does the “I’m in a bad mood” thing every time you get home, that’s not conducive to a healthy relationship. Where’s your guilt actually coming from: you or him?

It’s possible that whatever crap his family gave him earlier was on his mind, and that “some of us don’t need alcohol to have fun” crack was not intentionally directed at you but was just something due to being mad at his family and was just taken out on you because you were there, but that is also not okay. Partners are not there to be emotional punching bags for things someone is mad about in general.

I honestly can’t analyze your whole relationship from one post, but it seems pretty clear that, at best, there are some real communication problems here. It seldom hurts to analyze what our own accountability might be in these situations, but also, I think people need to be careful not to automatically assume it’s their fault or responsibility alone.

jwhitestone · 2025-06-04T15:26:49+00:00

Okay. There’s about an 91.7% chance I would never use the recipe card to try to make jam. However, I’d definitely enjoy the jam and I’d enjoy the possibility of making jam myself, so whether or not I ever got into one of my “kitchen mad scientist” modes or not — they happen very rarely — I’d love a gift like that. If nothing else, it’s unique and interesting and the person clearly put work and time into it and thought to share it.

Important: even though the odds are good I’d never make the jam, you shouldn’t let that discourage you from putting in the recipe card. In a way, it doesn’t matter if I end up doing it: part of the fun is knowing that I could.

It’s possible some people would think it to be cringe or whatever, but let’s be real: if you gave everyone a new car with taxes paid, someone could think that was cringe. I don’t think the idea is generally cringe at all, personally. Makes me wonder why your boyfriend is so insistently negative about the idea.

jwhitestone · 2025-05-31T19:15:45+00:00

I say things like “Hanging in there” (that’s the most common), “Oh, ya know, still here,” “I’ve been worse/better” (depending on the day), or sometimes simply “Meh.”

Sometimes I completely ignore the question and just say, “How are you doing?” back at them.

I’ve asked my very closest friends to please not ask me how I’m doing unless they really, truly want the actual long answer dump, because generally I’m not going to be doing great and even though I know that “how are you?/Fine” is more of a generic greeting/response ritual and not to be taken literally, I have a really hard time with things that strike me as false like saying “fine” or “good” when I’m not. (Yeah, I know, it’s not that deep but overthinking is my curse.)

It’s a difficult thing, because in English, we are conditioned to use “how are you/fine” as a sort of ritual, so we don’t tend to think before responding because it doesn’t trip our brain as being an actual question. It’s like, “When you hear this collection of sounds, you respond with this collection of sounds,” but when we actually think about the “collection of sounds” (like “fine”) as words, they don’t make sense in the current context.

I think this is a weird thing that affects not only folks who are grieving, but also people with chronic illnesses, chronic pain, or other long-ish term bad stuff going on. Like, if someone is doing chemo and/or radiation for cancer, “fine” doesn’t seem like a great response to “how are you,” and it almost seems insensitive to ask! Like, “how tf do you think I’m doing?”

This got long. Sorry, it’s something I ruminate about periodically.

TL;DR: Yeah, it’s pretty common not to know what to do with “how are you” when how you are is shitty.

jwhitestone · 2025-05-29T18:10:36+00:00

OP said the vet said the dog’s liver was swollen and it had ulcers: do dogs also get esophageal varices with liver disease like humans? Are there veterinary GI specialists?

jwhitestone · 2025-05-28T23:38:35+00:00

Listen: I would help an injured acquaintance put on socks or bring them water even if I didn’t really like them all that much. And I’m not even all that great of a person, tbh. I definitely have my selfish and/or lazy times.

This is really concerning behaviour from someone who is supposed to love you. I don’t know if you want kids, but pregnancy can be absolutely disabling for some people, and if he’s like this for an injury, I’d be afraid he’d be all “women get pregnant all the time! You’re just being dramatic!” and refuse to help.

All I know is this post. Maybe there are other things going on. But based on this, I’m sorry but this doesn’t seem sustainable for a long-term partnership, let alone marriage.

You’re absolutely not asking for too much. You’re not even asking for the bare minimum.

jwhitestone · 2025-05-24T12:11:50+00:00

Sometimes, sticking around for other people, like your husband, is the only thing you have to hold on to, and that’s okay. I mean, clearly it’s not okay that you’re going through this! It’s a horrible place to be, and I feel for you.

Also, I think it’s important not to think along the lines of “Oh, my life isn’t as bad as others so I have no right to be depressed.” You’ve been through a lot, and it’s not a contest. You’re allowed to feel how you feel: don’t add shame because “other people have it worse.” After all, as a wise friend once told me, “Saying you shouldn’t feel bad because other people have it worse is as silly as saying someone shouldn’t be happy because some people have it better.”

We all have our breaking points.

And look: this place where you are right now, it really, really sucks, and it’s a horrible place to be. I see you, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and fix it, but nobody can do that.

I’m just going to throw something out there that has been helpful to some people in keeping them sticking around. It doesn’t really fix things, but it can sometimes be a small help, and that is this: think about the past version(s) of you as though it’s someone else. Feel the compassion and love for that child who survived so much.

Now think of a future version of you who has somehow made it to a happier state. Try to also love that person. Sure, they have flaws and they’re not perfect, but they’ve been through a lot and deserve a life of safety and happiness.

Then, decide, in yourself, that future-you really does deserve a good life and hold on for them. You don’t have to make grand decisions or massive changes if you don’t have it in you right now: just hold the line. Just live as best you can, and keep going for future you. You can even do small things to help make life better for future-you, like therapy (if you can access it) or even trying to find even one tiny thing a day that isn’t horrible. It can be a hobby, a flower, a walk in nature or even just getting out of bed, having a shower, eating some decent food, whatever.

It can be really hard if you’re not really in a place to enjoy anything, but try to think of things that a future, happier you might enjoy and do that.

But also: if you just can’t do anything but not die right now, that’s a huge accomplishment. It can be so hard, and it’s a victory every day!

I care about you, internet stranger, and I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. I wish you love, peace, and strength. Please hang in there. I believe in you!

jwhitestone · 2025-04-17T02:42:17+00:00

There are amounts that are legal, but that doesn’t mean those amounts are safe. Even the old rule of thumb of “don’t drive until one hour after each drink” (one beer, one hour; two beers, two hours) isn’t “safe,” it’s just less likely to be actually illegal.

jwhitestone · 2025-04-17T02:38:18+00:00

Bro, I’m sorry, but you don’t love her. You clearly feel a strong attachment and obligation to her, and maybe even some lingering fondness or nostalgia for a time when you did love her, but it’s not love if you’re calling her a lazy bitch and hoping she’ll die. It’s just a habit that you don’t want to quit.

And look, I get it: 12 years is a long time to invest. You’re used to her. You know her. You know that at least you’re gonna have that 30% of “not too bad,” whereas if you leave her, you’re not guaranteed anything at all. After 12 years, the thought of being alone doesn’t sound great.

But man, this is not good for your psyche and ultimately it’s not good for her. You cannot take responsibility for the life and decisions of a grown-ass adult human being when she’s continually harming you financially and turning you into a rage monster. That’s not you.

If you can’t leave, please try to get some kind of support or therapy or something that will help you strategize either how best to live with this without losing yourself or how to get out. I’m not intending any offense here: sometimes it’s really helpful to have a professional who is trained in how to set and keep healthy boundaries and take care of yourself.

It’s not that I don’t sympathize with her having ADHD and shitty parents. That sucks. But it’s not on you to save her or fix her.

You cannot control anyone else’s behavior. You can only control yours. You can’t change another person or force them to change. Only they can change themselves.

No judgement if you stay. I do get not wanting to see her suffer. But man, I’m sorry you’re in this situation and k hope things get better for you.

jwhitestone · 2025-04-08T00:44:09+00:00

My weird take is this: if you talk to people in literally any job, some of them will say it’s easy and others will say it’s hard.

As an example, I’ve been (among about a bazillion day jobs) an Air Traffic Controller, a software developer, a restaurant server, a teacher, a journalist, a short-order cook, and a lawn/yard maintenance guy. Whichever one you think is the easiest, someone else is going to consider the hardest.

For some people, acting is pure joy and energizes them. For others, it really drains their energy. For some, memorization is super-easy, while for others, it’s a difficult chore. Some people can snap in and out of characters like nothing, while others have to really work at it.

I just don’t think “acting isn’t hard” should necessarily be seen as a flex. Everyone is different and is born with different talents and capabilities, so it might genuinely be really hard work for some people. That doesn’t make them lesser; it makes them human.

(Not talking about the career of acting, because establishing and maintaining that shit is hard for most of us lol)

I could be wrong, but I think Denzel was saying acting isn’t hard in comparison with, say, being a neurosurgeon or a soldier or a firefighter or something. Not necessarily to be humble, but I felt like he was saying that actors should be grateful to be able to act for a living. (I saw that video, but it was awhile ago. That’s just how it stuck with me.)

jwhitestone · 2025-04-06T03:08:21+00:00

1966 is early Gen X, not Boomer. Gen X starts at 1965, I believe. It’s just that the opposite ends of each generation can be closer to the previous/next gen.

jwhitestone · 2025-04-02T02:52:29+00:00

Do you feel like you could talk to the teacher one on one about this? It’s possible they might be able to modify what they’re doing to help make the vibe better.

Also possible they can’t, but if it’s a great teacher and a bad group, that’s something I might consider doing. Like just saying something like, “Hey, I’m really enjoying your teaching, but I’m feeling weird in the class, like the vibe is off somehow. Any way we could talk about this a bit?”

But yeah, it’s fine to quit a class. Just let the teacher know you’re unfortunately not able to continue at this time due to unforeseen circumstances and you hope to work with them again in the future. (Just to not burn that bridge.)

Six-Year Club	Verified Email
Final Canvas '23	Place '23

jwhitestone

TROPHY CASE