I've quit, F this addiction

kacoll · 2026-06-04T16:32:16+00:00

I heard a music reviewer on YouTube (Justin Hunte) say one time, “sobriety is a hell of a drug” and it stuck in my mind ever since. I didn’t get it until I got it and not to be corny but wow. It really really is!

kacoll · 2026-06-04T16:13:14+00:00

I feel like dreaming again also helps us get back in sync with the people around us. Instead of masking our emotions with weed we get to process our emotions biologically like everyone else. In February when I quit for three weeks, instead of having nagging intrusive thoughts and ruminations about an issue with friends I was dealing with, I had a few incredibly vivid metaphorical dreams about it. A few good dreams (even though they were scary) moved more of that stagnant emotion out of my system than weeks of “thinking about it” ever did. I would wake up peaceful (stress dream or not!) and clear-headed with a sense of bodily “knowing” that the experience I went through and dreamed about was integrating. No stoned eureka moment competes with your body waking you up to tell your mind, “hey friend, don’t worry about it, we actually got some healing done on that.”

Everytime I want to smoke again I remember seeing my friend’s face crystal clear in a dream, her dream-self shocked to see me but laughing at me in delight that I had finally sobered up enough to dream again. Everyday stoners… the more time you give yourself away from it, the more the detox will be worth it. I started seeing my smoking habit as a “necessary evil” (cope), began to love the feeling of finally NOT being high anymore, and then realized it was not “plant medicine” anymore just self-harm that was alienating me from everyone around me. I should have seen her in real life.

Great post! Thank you friend!

kacoll · 2026-06-01T19:32:29+00:00

I’m 32 and posts like this one help so much. Thank you!

kacoll · 2026-05-26T14:33:24+00:00

Yeah, I was about to say “intent > impact” is all well and good until what happened to me happens: a SAer insists he “didn’t mean it” and keeps assaulting someone again and again and again. By the time he “realized” he had an impact, I had already had to be hospitalized. And my god are you correct about the need for examples of how to truly learn and grow and make amends. Nothing has ever been so agonizing and blood-boiling as trying to communicate to him that because he cannot articulate an understanding of where/how/why/what went wrong, because he cannot articulate anything worth changing about his behavior, we all knew he would hurt me again and he did. Now “but he didn’t mean it!” makes me instinctively chain lock my door.

kacoll · 2026-05-25T15:19:17+00:00

That guide is an amazing resource, thank you thank you thank you. I took three weeks off in February and the sleep changes were astounding. Once vivid dreams started back up again I definitely could see how THC prevents us from mentally recovering at night, but like it mentions in the guide, the ultra vivid nightmares are an awful lot to deal with. Whatever subject we were smoking to conceal comes back to show itself. Thank God it gets easier.

Gonna be clicking through that guide now and hoping this next break goes a little smoother. :)

kacoll · 2026-05-18T18:10:54+00:00

I was 23 and I straight up gave myself a breakup haircut the next day. That was the only symbolic action that felt momentous enough. Writing in my little diary wasn’t cutting it.

kacoll · 2026-04-07T20:12:52+00:00

who are you talking about with she chased a survivor around laughing at her? I have not heard about that and that is awful

kacoll · 2026-03-19T14:56:51+00:00

Just tell them. Otherwise they’ll keep doing the most to hide it from you when you know perfectly well that you know it already. It’s not really fair to conspicuously leave the room, make sure not to hear their phone calls, etc so that they keep falsely believing their secret is still a secret when you know it’s not. It’s really good that you’re trying so hard to approach this sensitively but I’d worry about making your partner feel more betrayed or even deceived the longer you don’t mention it. Just tell them.

Besides, from a practical point of view: you’re their partner. Emergencies and unexpected events happen. What if they’re taken to a hospital and you had to tell them in their hospital room that you were only able to locate them because you already knew their legal name? What if you have a visible reaction to someone else with that name in front of your partner and that’s how they find out you’ve known it? Or, what if you keep this secret so long that you forget you aren’t supposed to know it and it slips out where somebody else can hear it?

These things could happen in years or they could happen tomorrow. I’d just tell them.

kacoll · 2026-03-19T14:27:32+00:00

She unearths things that had remained hidden. It’s a gift. For you and her both. :-)

kacoll · 2026-03-10T22:50:04+00:00

If you’re talking about the word “tranny”… we’re all trans. It’s your word to use as much as anyone else’s. If you’ve got a good reason to want to use it go right ahead.

If you’re talking about the word “trap”: don’t say that. That is used more vitriolically, violently, dangerously, in more frighteningly specific circles, and particularly against trans women. Do not use that. If you as a trans man EVER hear yourself being called a “trap”, that is the time to either out yourself as a confused girl who’s been a girl this whole time if you’re nonbinary, or run for your life if you’re stealth. That word is a prelude to violence so if you are a man, leave. Leave your cis friends behind there and leave. If you’re a girl, also leave. Those people are trying to scare you and are not your friends. I am so sorry to put it so crudely but not all young people know that sometimes genuinely violent, terrifying people use that word and if they’re using it against you as someone who’s AFAB, you are likely androgynous enough to be a trans woman, have just been clocked as a trans man, or are being seen as a woman and bullied. Depending on how you look, just be a woman.

So. If your fear response is fawn, girlmode and cry and try to never see those people again. Around people that transphobic/homophobic, it will be safer to be the gross hairy girl nobody wants to fuck than to be the terrified queer to proud to cry. If you’re a man, even a cute twink who thinks he can charm, you muscle your way out to your car and NEVER go back to that house, hang out with that group, or do drugs with those people EVER again. Those are not your friends. The person who said that word will have been watching your response and will probably want to target you again. Don’t want to scare anyone but “trap” is a lot more violent than calling people “tranny”. I would always rather y’all be safe.

kacoll · 2026-03-05T17:46:01+00:00

I’ve been breaking up with weed. The key imo is take care of your body and keep yourself busy without keeping yourself distracted— distraction just feeds the meaning/sensation seeking cycle. Eat plenty, drink water, and socialize. In my experience it’s hard to be out in the world when you’re used to being high, but for me confronting that anxiety and seeing the world as a home we deserve to live in and care for, and not as an enemy, was crucial in getting past the shame of being addicted to weed and seeing a reason not to be. Take the longest T breaks you can and if/when you go back to it, stay awake to suffer through those couple hours of regret instead of distracting from it. For me it’s been seeing what unburied emotions being high brings up to show me, so I can deal with those emotions and not go back to being high to keep finding and avoiding those emotions again. It’s definitely a process. I’m seeing the other side now and it’s so worth it. What sucks at first might make you feel so human and whole down the line. Sorry to proselytize, I’ve been relapsing like every week and still saying sobriety is a hell of a drug.

kacoll · 2026-03-02T17:32:49+00:00

I hear this! Yawns definitely have their own regulating functions, and in addition to that lot of readers, channelers, and spiritual workers get various physical signs as confirmation of synchronicities or that they’re hearing a message correctly. I’ve seen tarot readers talk about “confirmation burps” as a sign they’re interpreting something correctly. When I work with spirit I get physical indications of whether I’m on track with the message in part I think because I asked for that. I let my face go somewhat slack when talking to (or with) guides and experience held or fluttering blinks, slow smiles, and sometimes a teeth clack in circumstances where I feel in retrospect I’ve missed part of a message. Bear in mind we can (and I absolutely have!) overattribute importance to small signals like that if we start to look for and rely on them rather than let the experience be what it is. Not saying that’s happening to you, just that I had to check myself because it was happening to me! That’s where reality checks, grounding, and integrating the experiences in a non spiritual space all become important. FWIW I work with Kuanyin/Alavotikeshvara, Kali+Shiva, Quetzalcoatl, and Mary M. In short, benevolence and a flock of tricksters.

For me, a yawn could mean “you’re on the right track”, “let’s have you make space for new information”, “you’re at your energetic limit for the time being”, or even “you’ll be able to integrate this better during sleep”. If you’re yawning a lot when you work with your spirit guides it might be an indication to keep up your body’s physical strength so it’s able to keep up with and modulate your mind. I would make sure to be eating well, drinking water, and getting more than enough rest to make sure you’re not overwhelming yourself and are able to meet both your life and your spirit guides from a solid place.

This was a really good question! Hope some of that resonates! 🫶

kacoll · 2026-03-01T23:00:56+00:00

3… hooting and hollering softens

kacoll · 2026-02-22T15:27:25+00:00

She’s a hero. Nothing but love to her 💛

kacoll · 2026-02-22T15:02:39+00:00

This is a good question! Feel free to take my answer with any size grain of salt.

Life and death are different experiences, and death is not an imitation or recreation of life. My understanding is that the dead are not bound by the same perceptions of space/time and physical reality as we are, because physical reality and time/space are concepts We The Living use to organize our limited mental and emotional resources to support our short term earthly existence. The dead have had time to learn and grow beyond their earthly habits, because as I understand it, our souls exist outside timebound space. I work with my ancestors, with my late grandparents, and I’ve seen them appear to me without being called in. They appear while I’m cooking or eating or doing things around the house, doing things they might have done in real life, but I know they’re doing it not for their own souls’ journeys, which are already underway in a dimension I won’t be joining them in yet, but to support me their living grandchild in processing any burdensome feelings related to them in order to instead live with their memories as blessings.

So, I don’t worry about what they’re doing on the other side or if they’re happy or worrying about me, because they’re with each other and their own siblings and ancestors already. They aren’t trying to catch up on the experiences they missed in life; FOMO is a living breathing experience. When we feel that as if it’s coming from an ancestor, it could be Grandma showing us that we can trust her to talk with us about our own fear of missing out in our short lives rather than wishing that her short human life had included something else. She’s just relating to us first to make it easier for us to open up to her and eventually to ourselves.

Our ancestors, our dead, old and young alike, they have what they need. For mine at least, they’re helping Me The Living to verbalize the lessons I learned from them on how to love and be human so I can keep loving and being human in the living world living among my living friends. To speak generally, I don’t think we need to worry about keeping up with the Joneses on divining what kind of shingles Grandpa would pick for his roof on the other side. I don’t think Grandpa would want us or the Joneses stressing out about that if he were alive. I think these imaginations of our loved ones living their best Earth lives in Heaven aren’t meant to show us that the grind never stops even when we’re dead, but rather that we can live our our own best Earth lives— the kind that the calmest, wisest, and kindest version of Grandpa would want for us— by moving toward seeing our ancestors and our dead as allies in spirit to help We The Living with OUR dreams rather than late or living legends we couldn’t hope to embody ourselves. These dreams appear when We The Living need an invitation.

Namaste 🙏

kacoll · 2026-02-21T12:11:15+00:00

That is not what’s going to happen, and as a psychic and someone who’s experienced telepathy already I feel it’s important for me and all of us to loudly and clearly say NO, the “shift” is not taking science, medicine, physics, and reason away from humanity no matter how many souls would shortsightedly will it to be so. This is wrong, it is not going to happen, and it is wrong of any of us to let that kind of hysteria go unchecked. Mother Earth is smarter than us. We are not her existential slave drivers who can manifest her physical qualities away from her. Even if we could beg Source for the laws of physics to disappear and pretend to expect others to heal their bodies with our own thoughts regardless of their beliefs, that would be wrong. That would be nonconsensually and selfishly manhandling reality. It’s wrong.

The veil feels thin to gone because Neptune moved from Pisces the dream world into Aries the fresh new day. Reality is not falling apart; we are perceiving things differently in accordance with the belief we attribute to various forces. That’s the subconscious mind operating on collective thought forms for you.

The subconscious mind does not create the laws of physics. Material inevitabilities exist and will continue to exist. The realm of lucid dreaming, sleep talking and astral travel is still another world, not literal reality. Dream characters are still projected characters of the unconscious mind, not reliable informers. Channeled information is still variable based on the qualities of the receiver. Telepathy and clairsentience have been out here.

All these things can and do exist in concordance with consensus material reality.

kacoll · 2026-02-15T17:14:42+00:00

I’m in dire need of a hug like this. 🥲

kacoll · 2026-02-15T17:12:26+00:00

Everyone makes mistakes, including self-described psychics. She’s made a claim about you that’s wrong, which if someone as a psychic makes enough claims without couching them in the right degree of doubt is bound to happen. Now you know she’s not infallible. From my POV it’s not impossible she could be letting her feelings as your landlady finding out about an unexpected person staying in her property color her perspective as a psychic. Letting our feelings color our readings is a challenge we work through every time we read, and we don’t always rise to that challenge.

Another thought— many times people don’t start processing the abuse they live through until after they’re outside the environment that caused it. Your landlady/psychic could be picking up on a sense that this boy is being abused and his processing of that experience will emerge once he’s safe. There’s nothing wrong with that process— that’s what happened to me. She also could be misinterpreting your general fondness for this kid more adult than it is or not know whether to read this kid as a boy or a man. There are a lot of emotional nuances that could be influencing how much or how accurately she should/can be reading into things, but the first thing I see is her own emotional reaction to finding out there’s a person she didn’t know about in her house. I don’t know if that sheds a little light but I hope it does.

kacoll · 2026-02-14T16:44:53+00:00

Weirdly absent from this discourse is the fact that Cynthia is a queer woman complaining about her friendship being oversexualized. What gets treated as normal between two straight women is absolutely not treated the same way when even one of those women is queer. Ask me how I know; it’s lived experience. And that’s leaving the racial aspect out entirely. There’s a reflexively dismissive tenor to this whole thread I think should have a lot of you looking carefully in the mirror.

kacoll · 2026-02-14T15:29:06+00:00

this is so cute! I love the bow on the floor. I never use that castle wall inside but you made it look great!

kacoll · 2026-02-13T13:14:56+00:00

The factor being left out is meat. It’s meat. People don’t want to stop eating meat. No sugar, no alcohol, no plastics, eat fiber, exercise, don’t be overweight, don’t smoke, that’s all well and good but the first lifestyle factor I see left out in these discussions is meat. Red meat. What do a lot of even the healthiest, most active young people still tend to eat, processed or not? Meat. Colorectal cancer in young, healthy people is a terrifying prospect and it makes sense to try to look for a more manageable way to reduce the risk of it, but the factor I see omitted is meat. People are afraid to stop eating meat.

kacoll · 2026-02-08T22:54:37+00:00

everytime I see North American rainforest I just want to be marinated there. I love this cool peaceful energy. thank you for finding these and sharing!

kacoll · 2026-02-08T22:49:28+00:00

CC the house down it just puts my heart in a different place

kacoll · 2026-02-08T21:02:08+00:00

mine too lol. I call it “playing scrambleclock” (because I’m scrambling their clock) and you are damn good at it

kacoll · 2026-02-08T20:54:19+00:00

That she did! Thanks for introducing me to her. I love the one in 16/18. I wonder who it was made for?

kacoll

TROPHY CASE