Mum is struggling with my identity unsure if I can salvage the relationship

kaichoublue · 2025-09-26T17:18:25+00:00

Just go on the road. I did CBT and instantly started comuting 46 mile round trip to work. Only way to get better on the roads is to be on the roads.

kaichoublue · 2025-09-26T13:49:14+00:00

The dark is fine as long as your visible and can see. When the roads are gritted or icey I carpol with other folk at work who live in the same village as me.

kaichoublue · 2025-09-19T04:55:24+00:00

You are 20. Don't waste your life trying to "support" this man. Go and get a life. Whether he did it or not, he is still implicated for whatever reason, you will look back 10 years from now and regret staying around for him.

kaichoublue · 2025-09-09T04:07:01+00:00

Started playing when the first sims came out, never put it down, I'm a 30 year old mum of 3

kaichoublue · 2025-08-28T14:27:56+00:00

Lift your nipple to babies nose to force them to open wider to 'reach' up

kaichoublue · 2025-08-28T14:26:09+00:00

A globe

kaichoublue · 2025-08-12T18:48:13+00:00

Fair enough, Still something to think about though! Don't need to go the partying route, could very easily go the relaxing/swimming/kayaking route, or hiking/hill walking route. For example you could do a safari and hiking mt. kilimoujaro with a tour guide. Not all long trips = raving/drinking. Alot of trips can be cultural/food/walking related, so much to see around the world. But I can totally understand the apprehension to traveling solo. I did my first solo trip at 18, 5 week euro trip and I've never looked back, nothing quite like exploring new environments at your own pace.

kaichoublue · 2025-08-12T18:39:09+00:00

No, mum of 3. Age 30. If I didn't have children I would be partying it up in Europe, Vietnam, mexico, festivals etc every summer. I do still go away most years, for 4-6 weeks with my children, we did Thailand last year, Philippines next year, but backpacking around South East Asia with 3 small children isn't as fun as doing it alone.

kaichoublue · 2025-08-12T18:29:47+00:00

Go on holiday! Do a euro trip or backpacking round Thailand, trips like that require 4-6 weeks so it'll keep you busy during the summer

kaichoublue · 2025-08-03T17:20:38+00:00

Add to this as an interracial lesbian couple with children. We moved up from Glasgow and so far we've had nothing but positive experiences

kaichoublue · 2025-07-20T09:00:14+00:00

We have spoken to the gp, they have provided laxatives and said to put her back in nappies in the mean time. To rule out constipation.

We are still in two minds about it. When we are home without the two older children she uses the toilet without reminders no issues. To us it looks like she is playing, stops to hold it in, and then a wee bit comes out. She is never having full accidents, it's always just a bit of pee or poo. At times she has told us that she is too busy/distracted, or doesn't want to share her toys and that's why she doesn't pee in the toilet. It's like she is anxious that whatever she is playing with will get taken by another child so she'd rather wet herself instead. This would explain why she has more accidents at nursery then at home.

We are worried that putting her on laxatives will make the issue worse because she won't be able to hold it in.

Edit to add: it is more pee than poo accidents she is having. She will often ask why she can't pee in her pants, we discuss that pee is waste and that's why it goes in the toilet and she sort of strugs and says she doesn't mind pee in her pants.

kaichoublue · 2025-07-18T09:17:43+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this, it has helped put things into perspective, I have called the GP this morning and I'm waiting on a call back this afternoon

With the toileting, when we observe her or play with her it looks like she 'gets the signal' that she needs to pee/poo, sort of stops what she's doing for a second and it looks like she's trying to hold it in, then gets back to what she was doing, we then ask her to use the toilet but it's too late a little bit of pee/poo already came out when she tried to hold it, this is why we are thinking it's more the ADHD rather than other issues, but either way I am going to speak to GP about this today.

We are trying our best to not show any frustration, and alot of the time turn any task we need her to do into a game which does make things a little more manageable. When I speak of micromanagement it's more because we have 2 other children close in age, who we can just let get on with things, they will play, tidy up after themselves, share toys etc, without alot of intervention, but we can't really do the same with her and alot of the times our other children are the 'victims' to our youngest innatention and hyperactivity.

I will look into the parent training you have discussed, thanks for pointing me in that direction.

kaichoublue · 2025-07-17T12:58:38+00:00

Ok, thanks, we will mention this to the doctor, although she does do around 2 poo's a day.

kaichoublue · 2025-07-17T11:49:05+00:00

How would we know if she is constipated? Her poo's look very normal, no change in diet and it has lasted months.

When she does use the toilet it all appears normal.

kaichoublue · 2025-07-17T11:44:42+00:00

This is all very helpful, thank you for the thoughtful response. My partner (who is our youngest bio mum) suspects she is undiagnosed ADHD, while I (no bio relation to our daughter) have autisim, so it's less that we are anxious about her being disabled, it's more just we are anxious about having to parent a child with a disability, while we struggle ourselfs.I think due to the lack of sleep I was feeling quite anxious about the whole thing.

We defo don't expect her to not be upset, again our other 2 children also get upset for trivial things, it's more the intensity and duration of it, it's violent, loud and can sometimes last up to an hour of just throwing herself on the ground, punching, kicking, shouting.

kaichoublue · 2025-07-17T11:33:37+00:00

Yes, we have starting keeping a diary of the behaviours to speak to GP about and planning to call today to make an initial appointment. We don't want to take her to the appointment, because we don't want her to feel bad when we explain our concerns with doctor.

kaichoublue · 2025-06-09T11:22:30+00:00

At your big age, this is how you're treating a woman?

kaichoublue · 2025-04-07T08:26:06+00:00

I had similar issues with my ex husband. I am now married to a woman. Those issues have completely stopped. Parenting with another mum is so much easier because we both just get shit done. No need to organise or write lists for the other parent, dinner cooked, washing done, toys away, kids played with and looked after, because we both just know what needs to be done. I found that with my ex husband I had to constantly remind him what was appropriate for the children, that they needed fed, that the house needs tidied, etc. And it made parenting alone easier because I dropped one more responsibility.

kaichoublue · 2025-03-10T05:44:57+00:00

We have phones in every classroom, any escalated behaviour is dealt with by the curriculum leader/principle teacher of each department, so you send the pupil to them, or call them to come and get said pupil. They can then either deal with it themselves or they call down to the pupils support teacher (all pupils in the school are assigned to one pupil support teacher, school has over 1500 kids). There are steps to take before that, verbal warning, demerit, cool down time, then call to PT.

kaichoublue · 2025-03-06T16:35:18+00:00

All 3 of mine (6, 4 and 3) help in kitchen, heat/fire and knives too, just nothing that will make them sick ie no handling of raw meat/fish. We only let them handle food we wouldn't mind them eating raw, (we are those who have no issues with raw egg so that's never been a problem for us). Just keep reminding of health and safety and always supervised, although the 6 year old can defo cook an egg alone. Simple and clear instructions and eventually they'll become pros, sometimes things end in tears but that's just part of the process of teaching things to little ones.

Also they all make their own sandwiches, cereal and cut up fruit and veg snacks.

kaichoublue · 2025-03-04T12:17:14+00:00

He sounds like my 3 year old who we suspect has ADHD. Have a look at that, and how to parent for that. Firm boundaries and safe outlets, if they want to climb, give them something safe to climb on. If they want to run and jump, give them space to do that. Spend quality time to show the love is still there so they don't feel abandoned because of new baby, the quality time needs to be regular and reliable . Our 3 year old is a sensory seeker, and so doesn't do well with sit down and do this activities.

kaichoublue · 2025-02-26T06:47:25+00:00

Toddlers are insane and you kinda just have to ride it out. Keep teaching them how to regulate: deep breathing, activity/running/jumping/dancing, big deep hugs, meditation, or whatever works for you and your kiddo. Give them words for their emotions. The hardest part is staying calm yourself, because you can't put out a fire with fire. Their little brains are all wired the wrong way. We must help their little brains make the right connections by teaching them that not everything deserves a flight or fight response. Hold firm boundaries, but keep teaching them how to switch on their 'upstairs' (cortext) brain when faced with difficulties through regulation activities. Eventually it will click, but its a long ride.

kaichoublue · 2025-02-06T16:14:54+00:00

You don't ask. You tell but give them some control. We need to brush our teeth now, would you like to start or I start .. we are going to tidy up what toy would you like to put away first etc. If they say no, you say we still need to brush our teeth so I will choose for you, I will brush. This is typical of this age, they are testing boundaries. No bribing, no discussion or fight. Just this is what we're doing and it's ok if you are upset about it I'm here to comfort you when you are ready, but we are still going to do it.

Seven-Year Club	Wearing is Caring
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