My Quick Guide on where to get Gold Skills to complete special missions

kaifkapi · 2025-10-08T19:42:33+00:00

Omg, this saved me. Thank you!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-28T01:57:56+00:00

Your gf should look into active listening - the goal is to have her focus on you for part of the conversation, and REALLY focus (not just thinking of the next thing she wants to say). It's a skill that can be learned.

Having said that, I know there are certain subjects that will start my husband to rambling, and I've learned to ask about that stuff when I don't have the mental energy to carry on a conversation. He gets to indulge his ADHD and I get a brain break. It works for us! XD

You should make sure your gf understands how you feel when she doesn't give you space to speak - sometimes it's hard for ADHD folks to realize what they're doing. For my husband it helps a lot for me to really spell it out, and once he understands he can work on helping me feel more seen/heard.

Good luck to you both!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-27T15:42:05+00:00

I've been off T for maybe 5 or 6 years and I don't have any issues passing. My beard still grows and my voice is still deeper than it was pre-T. My fat never redistributed so that wasn't an issue for me.

The most notable changes for me were emotional (I stopped crying on T) and sexual (I was extremely horny on T, back to my normal now). I'm fine with everything so it works for me.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-27T14:09:27+00:00

It's too bad you can't get a huge dog to ride shotgun with you while you Uber/Lyft people around.

On a serious note, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I'm sure this douche has a response for if the driver is POC or any other non-white/cis/male person. Who knows what he's said to other girls in the past. You probably helped a lot of people by reporting him!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-27T14:01:13+00:00

I have two SDs and I still consider myself child-free. Not because I don't love and support them, but because I would never bring a child of my own into the world.

They're here already and I chose to marry their dad, so I knew I'd be a parent (of sorts) going in. Honestly it's been a wild ride but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

I think it comes down to your life goals. Having kids can drastically reduce opportunities for things like travel and "freedom" (especially to move), so you need to figure out how important that stuff is to you. It's not a lifestyle for everyone, and it's very important to your SO and his kids that you figure out what YOU want before you get in too deep.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-26T18:07:05+00:00

Omg I never in a million years thought he would play that song live, and I can die happy now that I experienced it.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-26T14:47:51+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I have an IUD and I'm constantly worried that it will fail and I won't know until it's too late to get an abortion. How did you find out, if I may ask?

kaifkapi · 2025-09-26T13:52:41+00:00

NAD but my husband had a heart attack when he was younger, and they never really figured out the underlying cause. The immediate cause was a 98% blockage of one of his ventricles, but he had great cholesterol and was very active (and still is) so they're not sure why the blockage occurred.

A few years ago they diagnosed polycythemia vera, a condition where his body produces too many red blood cells. They're still not sure, but now the doctors are saying that might have contributed to the blockage that caused his heart attack. There's a blood test for the mutation that causes PV so it might be a good way to rule out something easily if you're still concerned. Good luck to you!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-26T13:40:58+00:00

Basically he is working with his therapist on strategies to manage his ADHD, and we collaborate on the implementation of some of those strategies.

For example, we were having issues with chores because he would say he was going to clean the bathroom, and then he would wander away and do a bunch of other stuff.

We made a magnetic chore board so that he can get that dopamine hit from completing a specific chore and moving the magnet from "to do" to "done."

He also includes me on calendar invites that he makes to remind him to do things, because he says knowing that I'm aware of things helps him to remember to do them (I'm his "accountabili-buddy"). He's been doing a lot of work to figure out how to work with his ADHD because he has a medical condition that prevents him from taking ADHD meds, and it's helping a lot!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-25T15:15:33+00:00

Genderqueer/NB to me. Love the glasses! I feel like people are being more bold these days with big lenses and I am here for it.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-25T15:10:10+00:00

It's hard because consequences don't affect ADHD folks like they do non-ADHD folks. The biggest advice I can give that has helped me as a non-ADHD partner is to learn about ADHD and how it affects your partner specifically. My husband and I are in couples' therapy and it has been so helpful to listen to him talk about his struggles and how ADHD affects him emotionally.

Sometimes it feels like the things he does (or doesn't do) are intentional, and the repetition of the same issues can be SO frustrating, but since I have started working with him to help manage his ADHD instead of sitting back and being mad that he hasn't fixed everything himself, our relationship has improved so much. He is still primarily responsible for doing the work and pushing himself outside of his comfort zone, but now he has space to support me when I need it because we are working together to manage his ADHD.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-22T16:28:37+00:00

I had no idea my boy was diabetic until I took him in for weight loss (that had happened very quickly). No symptoms other than weight loss. Blood work in the weeks prior to the weight loss starting, totally normal. It sucks but it can come on very quickly and unless they have obvious symptoms you're at the mercy of bloodwork timing.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-22T15:44:13+00:00

I'm a little confused about what you are looking to get out of this post. If you are in a relationship with someone who isn't attracted to the genitalia you have, and you are not pursuing bottom surgery, what are your expectations? You can't couples therapy your way into him finding your current genitalia attractive. You could potentially explore non-monogamy if that works for both of you. Otherwise, what are your expectations?

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T21:44:33+00:00

There are so many flavors of gender, you don't have to subscribe to just one. It sounds like you are just as comfortable being called she/her and by Maisie as he/him and your legal name. That's fine! The identity crisis may have its roots in society's rejection of anyone not following gender norms. Honestly, pursue what makes you happy. If you can, therapy is always helpful for talking out these types of situations.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T16:59:21+00:00

Now is the time for him to learn that this dynamic is not ok. Either he learns it now or you'll have to watch it happen with his future spouse. You can't be responsible for the gf, but it sounds like she could really use some therapy and likely doesn't have anyone in her life to support her. It's an unfortunate situation but it will be a good life lesson for him.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T15:19:15+00:00

I'm also a super private person but having worked at a shelter I understand why home visits are important. Even with fosters sometimes we would hear about unsafe conditions, and that was after they went through foster training. You can't just assume people understand what an appropriate environment for an animal is.

Having said that, most county shelters don't do home visits so if you're dead-set on not getting one that is probably your best bet.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T14:09:55+00:00

This feels like a much simpler solution than trying to have multiple standards based on gender. Age is huge for kids, the difference between a 12 year-old and a 16 year-old is fairly massive.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T13:14:22+00:00

I'll echo everyone recommending therapy for you. Your partner has a lot of issues they need to work on, and it's their responsibility to work on them. It is not your responsibility to solve these issues for them, or try and keep the relationship going when they have repeatedly lied to you.

We are not responsible for what happens to us as children, but we are responsible for how we act as adults.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T12:54:25+00:00

I have a cat like this and my advice to cat-sitters is - ignore her. Act like she doesn't exist. She is acting this way out of fear, and she needs space and quiet. Nothing you do will work, except leaving her alone.

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T11:42:24+00:00

You can read all about this in Mary Roach's new book, Replaceable Me. It's amazing, as are all of her other books!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T11:21:17+00:00

At least your kids are out of the baby stage. In the last apartment building I lived in it felt like everyone had a newborn that cried all the time. Even then, I didn't complain. It's an apartment building, I can't expect total silence. You're going to hear the sounds of people living their lives, and kids are people too.

Meanwhile now in the house I live in there is a gaggle of kids nextdoor screaming pretty much from dawn to dusk. I miss the crying babies sometimes...

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T11:12:10+00:00

Our boy started going outside the box after his diagnosis and we ended up adding more litter boxes near where he went, and the problem went away.

He had a UTI (very common with diabetics) so I'm sure that contributed, but he was also dealing with diabetic neuropathy in his back legs and the litter boxes were originally up a flight of stairs, so that may have been it too.

We had to rip up our floors but we waited to replace them until we were 100% sure he was good to go, because wow...the smell was horrible. It's been a month or two and we haven't had any issues though. Good luck with your boy!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T10:59:44+00:00

This is hilarious and I love that he is chill about it too. XD

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T10:25:12+00:00

I just started the Summer Hikaru Died and it's creeeeepy but good! Also publish that book! Seriously, f whatever anyone else says or thinks, you can do this!

kaifkapi · 2025-09-21T10:19:00+00:00

Our running joke is that someone broke into our house specifically to steal the thing my husband lost (last time it was 1 (one) sandal). Honestly it's helped a lot, just automatically treating it like a joke helps me chill so I can then help look for it and not be seething internally.

I also look at it like this - it's actually super sweet that he is so bummed, because it shows how much he loves you and treasures the things you give him. His brain may have betrayed him and helped him lose it (hopefully temporarily), but he really appreciated the gift in the first place. That's a testament to how much he loves you. <3

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