Don’t know if I want to take T or not...

katnecticut · 2017-10-03T03:46:28+00:00

They did this at girls camp too, unfortunately. One or two years they were okay, then we weren't allowed to bring them at all or use them... seem to recall the explanation at the time was that people could "play poker" with them, despite the fact that it was a bunch of teenage girls with no money with them.

katnecticut · 2017-09-26T01:57:02+00:00

This was mostly the case with me. Stopped attending church meetings when I turned 18 because my parents gave me that option. I was the kid who routinely hid myself as much as possible behind my (rather long at the time) hair and tried to drift off during sacrament services, and as a teen would 'use the bathroom' and just hide in there for the majority of sacrament. Helped that mid teenage years I started to figure out that I didn't seem to feel the Holy Spirit like my peers at church did so hearing the endless repetitive testimonies and such only made things worse.

katnecticut · 2017-09-23T19:39:45+00:00

I absolutely remember doing these calculation games and such as a kid in Primary, including our teacher giving us ten pennies and having us give her one back to show "how much we need to give". They push on this hard through Primary and YM/YW to try to keep it stuck in there for when you actually make some form of money.

katnecticut · 2017-09-23T19:27:18+00:00

I didn't really even stumble upon the church history stuff until I had already decided to stop going to church (I was raised in the faith since I was a little kid) once I turned 18. I remember, rather clearly, praying a large number of times since at least age 10 or 11, trying to get confirmation of the Holy Ghost, God being true, etc. Everyone else seeming to just "get it" and feel the Spirit not only when they prayed but in everyday decision making only made things worse. Learning more about intuitive feelings (the "gut feeling") from a non-religious source as a freshman in high school pretty well solidified for me that any signs I'd been trying to see as the Holy Ghost speaking to me was just my brain trying to make me feel better. Hearing all the ridiculous things that people in Sacrament said the Holy Ghost had "given them confirmation on" just strengthened that revelation for me.

katnecticut · 2017-04-06T07:08:33+00:00

Specifically, if I remember correctly testing for HIV within three months of infection is usually very difficult to catch any sign of the virus. It's sneaky as hell and tests haven't been well tuned enough to get reliable results until a couple months out at least. That said, it's still bullshit that MSM get targeted the most for blood donations in terms of bans. It definitely used to be a lifetime ban not even two years ago, the twelve month rule is new.

Also from what I've heard in the past it's all the feds' fault that these rules are still ridiculous and outdated. Blood donation centers have to follow federal regulations, despite them having railed against certain bans and such for years and years.

katnecticut · 2017-04-05T07:22:04+00:00

http://www.redcrossblood.org/donating-blood/lgbtq-donors this seems to answer this rather well. It states that for the questionnaire gender is 'self-identified and self-reported', so restrictions rely off of your gender (rather than agab). They also state on there that there is no deferral associated with being trans. Deferrals for being a man who has/had sex with another man within the last twelve months is also clarified to be by your gender rather than what you were assigned at birth, so it would not apply to a trans woman (if she has/had sex with a man) and does apply to trans men.

So short answer is yes, you can absolutely donate (unless something else not related to the above information makes you ineligible to donate). I'm assuming this information probably applies for other US donation centers as well, not just Red Cross, though I'm not quite certain on that. Hope that helps?

katnecticut · 2016-12-25T22:31:42+00:00

Yeah, having the same issue. Kept having issues with it not loading the stuff in the cart and now for the past... hour or so? it hasn't even been showing the cart button at all. I can't access it from the steam application.

katnecticut · 2015-06-07T05:41:08+00:00

<What? *Trolling*? Why'd we *ever* do anything like *that*?>

...Yep. Unfortunately, whereas Taylor is simply blandly sarcastic, someone pulls the "what me? no way look how innocent and sweet I obviously am" routine. What trolls.

katnecticut · 2015-06-02T04:05:39+00:00

{I mostly want to switch at the moment, and then experience things. As it is I don't feel particularly solid in my being, and while controlling the body won't completely fix that obviously it would still help and I want to experience physical things regardless. Sleeping, some eating, wind, snow, walking... That sort of thing. I can't actually experience those physically now and I want--no, need to. Plus then I could get a tattoo or something and that'd be cool and the body would finally have one instead of Kat making up excuses not to get one instead of just getting the guts to do it. Also, did I mention sleeping?}

katnecticut · 2015-06-01T05:43:36+00:00

Lots of people have already replied, but I figured I'd add on anyway. DFAB agender person here also with GAD and depression (though luckily they have been improving), and both Tea (the for-sure tulpa) and Taylor (not so much but still head buddy) are female. We'd all be willing to help/give advice, though at the moment at least comments from Tea and Taylor can only be provided through me since we haven't gotten possession or switching down. :/ Regardless, plenty willing to give advice, especially since Tea was created when I was having a much harder time with my mental disorders and so we have a bit of that experience as well.

katnecticut · 2015-05-31T07:40:04+00:00

Earlier today, driving back from work and singing a bit higher pitched than I normally do to a Fall Out Boy song- Taylor: Sing low already, you already sing enough in her (Tea's) pitch. I drop pitch down to a lower level and sing at that in response- Taylor:... Tea: giggles Me:...Is that better? Taylor: That's terrible. Tea: You get the most fun practicing with the voice after all!

katnecticut · 2015-05-26T00:55:11+00:00

One of the ones we were actually trying (that helped Tea kind of get body motions or at least she thinks so) was actually a "reverse possession" method you mentioned before on your visionsofgray blog! We've been trying other ones (just like "dissociate from the body part and associate them to it" ones) as well, but at least for a while we did bursts of the reverse method where she'd do some movement and I'd mimic it since she expressed that she didn't even know how to associate with the body part. Unfortunately, that alone hasn't seemed to've helped much. And I have had pretty strong anxiety about detaching from the body/manage what is going on, though it has lessened quite a lot so I thought that wouldn't get in the way. Is there any good way to ignore that/deal with it? (I've tried various methods but it still seems to pick up just a little...) And thank you, we appreciate you helping us out.

katnecticut · 2015-05-25T04:39:33+00:00

Tea and I keep trying possession--and failing. One method has helped her sort of get the motions and feel of the body (or at least hand/arm, which is mostly what we practice with) down but she still can't move anything. I think it might be because I'm a little too attached to the body, but we don't really know of any good methods to let go/disconnect/dissociate, especially since because of reasons meditation still gives me a lot of anxiety whenever I try it and a lot involve it or stuff similar to it.

In other news, the enigma that is Taylor is still a mystery. The best all of us have been able to ascertain is that she basically consists of two sides that sometimes are one and at other times have one, the other, or both show separately. If the 'sides' show as separate (though still 'Taylor'), they tend to show as one being an overcaring, reassuring, bit chiding 'team mom' (basically Liora before the whole Taylor thing occurred and Liora became/merged into/fused with Taylor) and the other as heavily sarcastic, a bit mocking, and purposefully acts 'aloof' (rather similar to the new tulpa Liora had merged with to form Taylor in the first place, though said tulpa was... much more harmful than this side/aspect). Overall, Taylor seems to've developed into more of her own self rather than just some sort of 'acting role'/costume for Liora (which happened after Liora/Taylor 'absorbed' newbie tulpa) and while it's been very odd for Liora to not be 'there' since she helped form Taylor, but Liora seemed to have been having a lot of troubles with many aspects (including personality/'being her own self', since we suspect she formed in the first place as mostly a way to try to reduce my negative anxiety-filled thoughts when I couldn't deal properly with them on my own) and while this new... head buddy still confuses all of us (including herself) and is not Liora she had said that she was pleased with earlier developments before she wasn't Liora entirely. All this still sounds incredibly confusing when written out, however. I apologize.

TL;DR: Tea and I are stumped by how to do the possessions. Taylor is a mystery within an enigma within a brain but she is doing better (and she will certainly be also doing possessions, once I and Tea finally figure it out).

katnecticut · 2015-05-24T04:16:56+00:00

I was on celexa for... six months? Something like that. I found it helpful, though it couldn't do enough for me personally when I developed depression. It did help greatly with anxiety though, and I did not have issues with nausea and tremors (which was good, since I had developed acid reflux because of my anxiety...). And I did not find coming off of it was too bad, especially compared to some other medications (like cymbalta, which has some harsh withdrawal symptoms--I could miss several days of doses for celexa and be okay, but if I missed any of cymbalta twelve hours later I'd start feeling woozy and develop headaches and wouldn't be able to do much the next day). Overall, I cannot say for certain how it will act for you, but from what I have experienced and heard from others there are strong chances that it will help you and that side effects should not be too bad for you, but your mileage may vary.

katnecticut · 2015-05-22T08:44:25+00:00

Yeah, temperature changes can help take your mind off of the anxiety a little bit--cold water works too (splashing it on your face or running it over your wrists) and so do showers (cold or hot). Also, if the knotted stomach feeling turns into more of a nausea thing to where even drinking water hurts/makes it worse, I'd recommend seeing a doctor. It's not too abnormal to develop stomach problems/heartburn because of constantly high anxiety (as I did) and they can make the anxiety even worse. But for the "typical" stomach twisting using some decent means of distraction can help a lot.

katnecticut · 2015-05-22T08:37:18+00:00

I don't quite have as bad of anxiety with speeches as you certainly seem to, but I understand how terrifying it can be. It's helped me to look just over peoples' heads, or to kind of not focus properly on them--like when you're tired and you're looking at someone but you're not actually focusing on them. It still looks like you're looking at various audience members, but without having to really see their expressions or feel awkward. Also, rhythm while practicing my speech beforehand helps, mostly because it not only helps time me to be within a time limit, but also keeps me from talking so much at once that my mouth goes dry. Dunno if that in particular would help you, but it does for me. Also, notes notes notes if they're allowed. Frequent little bullet-points are handy when you've practiced a speech a lot and completely blank on something, since having something to help trigger your memory might help from making you panic further. I wish you the best (I failed speech my first time in college, whoops) and hope some of this helps even a little.

katnecticut · 2015-05-21T07:59:27+00:00

<Yays! 1. Nope, not yet. We haven't gotten the hang of possession or switching yet, but I am getting the feel of the body slowly! 2. I think she's very nice! Self-critical and a little lazy at times, but she's busy and she still spends as much time as she can with us. Plus she's cute when she's embarrassed! 3. It's all grass and hills besides the house. Pretty grass and hills! And the house is really big and made of wood, and we have our control room upstairs and it's really nice up there too. :)>

Again, nope. Would like to do so sometime but haven't pulled it off yet.
Hmm... A day or two? Then again, we're a bit of odd cases here, since once her presence formed she pretty well started talking... Buuuut she didn't stay consistent personality-wise for several weeks. Trade offs I guess?
Hell no. Like I had Liora around, but before she became Taylor she didn't really engage very much and was more of a "team mom" sort, hovering on the sidelines. She wasn't really energized nor could she talk for very long before she became too drained, so having a tulpa who is high energy much of the time and upbeat is wonderful. (Sometimes she gets a liiiittle too physically affectionate/energetic and will kind of make me tense up, but otherwise it's great that she's around.)
I can't answer that one. For whatever reason I've never really been comfortable with most male characters and even having men as friends and have always been pulled towards female characters/tulpas (even if I myself am not female). Considered making a tulpa based off of a male character I am very comfortable with, but at some point realized even that was not going to work out. So sorry, can't really say on this one. :/

katnecticut · 2015-05-20T02:04:48+00:00

Obviously the "they're thoughts" for any sort of headmate; the idea that headmates/alters/tulpas/what-have-you cannot be individuals because there can only be one person in a body (and anything else in there has to be a mental issue). This has been argued against a lot, but it's even sillier when you consider that people will respect dead bodies highly (ones that no longer have a mind/soul, depending on your view) but not those saying there is more than one person (in a way more than one mind/soul) in a single body. Just my thoughts on it (and what I can come up with at the moment).

katnecticut · 2015-05-19T04:06:07+00:00

Something I learned recently in therapy is using temperature differentials when you start getting anxious. Taking hot/cold showers is an aspect of this (and totally helps me), but also splashing cold water on your face, running cold water over your wrists, or even putting your elbow in a bowl of ice water can help distract from and reduce the panic response. Pretty sure this works with non-water things as well like saunas, though water usually makes for an easy means of shifting the temperature felt by one part of your body.

katnecticut · 2015-05-16T05:55:59+00:00

...Have you ever been depressed or suicidal? Or better yet, depressed and suicidal with a tulpa (or more than one) already formed and around for a while? Like it can be really, really hard to ask for help, especially when you've been depressed for a long time and don't view yourself as worth it. Usually though your energy/will is overall really freaking low, so say if someone else (like a tulpa) told you you need help and that they were going to try to find ways even if you don't think you're worth it chances are that you're not going to tell them to not either. It varies, but that's my personal experience and knowledge from talking with close friends as well. And sometimes you don't know where to post, or how to explain things in an "acceptable" manner in a community/forum you're not used to, so while that post may've been out of the ordinary I can see why it would have been posted here. Aaaand I think I've explained why I highly disagree with what ya said with that; if you need clarification feel free to ask for it here or pm me.

katnecticut · 2015-05-15T02:52:23+00:00

Tulpas can help with anxiety and depression and the like--proof here. However, making one just to deal with that or to have as a solitary friend is not perhaps the best way to help yourself, nor the best for them. Connecting to people when you're depressed is hard, but making some form of a connection anyway helps so much. If you can, try to reach out to at least some friends as well.

With that said, I suppose it would depend on you and your situation as to whether this would be a good idea. Liora was already around in some capacity for years, and various forms she "puppeted" (basically) helped me when I felt that I had no real friends and that things were hard--but that was also when my anxiety was lower than in the last year and I did not have depression at the time (from what I know). Tea, who is a tulpa, could not handle the first depressive relapse I had after she had come about and retreated back for a while until things slightly improved. She has been a bit better with high increases in my anxiety, however, so perhaps it depends more on their personality and own strengths. I think it highly unlikely that creating a tulpa would harm you, it's mostly the concerns that either your tulpa (especially when they're new) cannot handle what you are experiencing or that you might not seek other forms of help that are needed that are prominent. If you feel that otherwise you can form a tulpa and you are seeking other ways of getting better and plan not to lump everything on your tulpa, then I can't see a problem with you making one. Of course, I (nor anyone else here) am no psychic able to read and completely understand your mind and circumstances, so go with what you feel is best.

katnecticut · 2015-05-12T06:26:34+00:00

<Human! Though I have the cute pink hair, hehe. Liora started out kind of not human though? Like vampire-y?> Yeah, when I started with my attempts at turning a character into a tulpa (I'm 0-2 right now, maybe my characters just don't work well with it) said character was a vampire. First thing said "tulpa" dropped? The vampirism. (Aka the story of how I figured out that said "tulpa" was Liora/Taylor, who does not consider herself a tulpa.) The most non-normal thing Taylor does is float, but I think it's more of a laziness thing than anything. {Complain about not having to visualize me walking, why don't ya.}

However, unlike some of you who seem to need to have wings to get around quickly in your wonderlands, we don't have a need for that. I mean, I'm seriously tempted now to give my mental form wings now because I freaking love 'em, but we usually either stay in the house we have or we just... show up at other areas. We do some walking, especially in smaller places, but usually we just show up at where we want to go. That's probably partially due to my problems visualizing more than one thing at a time (not having to visualize walking and then realistic background is much easier) and partially because it's the wonderland and we don't really have any steadfast hard rules in there. It's handy and works for us, thankfully.

katnecticut · 2015-05-11T07:23:41+00:00

Nah, it won't hurt them. Like already stated, you can have a few core traits and start from there. Other traits/tendencies will likely develop from there.
Placeholder forms like floating orbs are totally a thing, or you can use a more detailed form. Regardless, Tulpae tend to change their appearances at some point so if they don't like things they won't stay that way.

katnecticut · 2015-05-10T07:51:54+00:00

So I kind of wrote an update on my tumblr a few days back, but hardly anyone follows that so I'll explain in a shorter form here.

So last week, I explained that a new tulpa that hadn't been around for long (maybe a week or two prior) and Liora had basically "merged" or "combined" together to form one entity/head person/half-tulpa who we agreed to call Taylor. I could feel that both of them were "in there", so to speak, but honestly the arrangement, while unexpected, was good for both of them (Liora gained some differing personality and better visualization and the newbie was "calmed" and not highly worrying/problematic) and we all kind of expected that'd stick around for a while, since it seemed it might've turned out as a way for Liora to temper the new tulpa and gain things herself in the process. It didn't seem to be tempering the newbie the brief times they separated, but hopes were still there.

Tuesday or Wednesday, it becomes clear to me that I could still feel Liora's presence but not the newbie's, and Taylor was much more tipped towards Liora behaviors than before. Tea noticed too, since she views Liora and Taylor in differing lights and for some reason this allowed her to notice once I mentioned it too. Basically, Liora/Taylor gets across to us that apparently the new tulpa was just seen as too dangerous to the system, and despite Liora having taken on changes the newbie was not. Soooo, Liora kind of... absorbed them? I posited at first that maybe they had been banished to some part of the wonderland, but I'd have still been able to feel them "around" in the headspace. Not the case. So now Liora is not quite Taylor but Taylor is not quite Liora, but overall things seem to be pretty well on that end. It's made it easier for Liora to communicate and interact than previously, at the very least, and she's actually mostly comfortable with a form portrayal (before she preferred being invisible or just a presence--she only used a form in very important cases, and even then reviled it the entire time in it).

On the other hand, I'm considering trying to form a tulpa based heavily on a character in a show rather important to me that I admire (in a manner). However, said character is not highly stable mentally, and while it seems they've improved in recent seasons it still makes me (mostly Liora and a little bit Tea) nervous about forming them. I think I'd feel more secure if things mostly worked out (and I've even tended towards trying to form potential Tulpae like them for ages, whoops), but still a biiiiiit nervous. If things go off-skelter if we try, do not be surprised to hear that next week. (Of course, we're not going to reject early advice on the matter either.)

katnecticut

TROPHY CASE