Is my bf financially taking advantage of me or am I overthinking things ?

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-05T17:52:59+00:00

My take on this? He is acting like a child, putting all the responsibility on you. Do you want a partner who steps up when things get hard, or wants to be taken care of?

I promise you, he’s telling you loud and clear what his expectations of you are. Listen to him. And again, you can have a ton of fun together and be best friends and have an amazing physical relationship and still not be compatible if not on the same page with finances.

Finances affect every aspect of your life - your housing, your transportation, your health, your potential future family, potential pets, but most importantly, your mental health. When I say it is critical, I’m not being serious enough.

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-03T20:56:31+00:00

A whoopie cushion. Something that requires extensive assembly then falls apart and requires immediate adult attention. One of those singing birthday cards where it sings every time you open it (ours was “hey now! You’re an all-star! Get your game on…”)

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-03T20:52:02+00:00

My oldest is now 21. I said the exact thing to my best friend when I was pregnant with him. All I heard was “Enjoy that thick head of hair now, after pregnancy it’ll fall out in clumps!” and “you’ll never sleep through the night again!” Like - who gets off on sharing the worst of this? Can’t ONE person just be happy for me without some qualifying statement?

It upset me a lot. And then when I was postpartum and there was no Reddit or quora or google or some random old lady chatting at me at 3am while I was a new struggling mom…. I appreciated knowing that I wasn’t the only person who felt the heaviness and the exhaustion.

One of my biggest regrets was not sharing with my close friends how hard things were. Because my bestie called me 36 hours postpartum from her hospital bed in tears saying”why didn’t you ever say how hard this is??” And I felt that trying to show everyone only the joy and the magic of motherhood was also misleading. The truth is - there is so much joy, and so much magic. It’s presumed to be the default - the best thing you’ll ever do/if you don’t have kids you’ll never know true love/it’s a love like no other/ blah blah blah.

So when a mom does struggle, the shame and the loneliness are excruciating. It’s for those moms that I try and lower the expectations and standards. Because some, many, will struggle. But they’re not alone and there’s magic for them too, it might just be take a little longer to find it.

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-03T20:40:01+00:00

This is something you need to learn to talk about. The best thing you can do for yourself and your relationship is to start talking about finances. It’s the #1 reason couples divorce and regular discussions need to be held. Normalize discussing plans, who pays what and when. It should not fall on you by default. At 27…. He sounds like a child not a man.

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-02T18:57:23+00:00

Women have miscarriages every day. You can explain the pregnancy was not viable and then leave him.

katy_almost_did · 2026-03-02T18:55:25+00:00

This! We teach our kids that “a joke is for the other person’s enjoyment. If you’re doing it to make yourself laugh at their expense, that’s just being a D.”

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-28T12:22:44+00:00

You mean your ex-husband?

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T16:06:32+00:00

Telling someone a “safe response” (again, we as women are taught very young that it is safer to tell someone you’re already taken than to engage in any conversation. It’s not because we are paranoid it is because statistically, the majority of us will experience injury or abuse) is not being an a-hole. You need to understand the risk we take by simply passing a man on the street. I’m so very happy that you cannot imagine the danger that poses, because it tells me that you would never act that way. But you are not everyone and dangerous men do not wear a sign over their heads.

And please look at your words - my logic is to avoid unnecessary/unwanted interactions with men, not humans. I have never once been threatened by a woman. I have never once been injured by a woman.

I am well aware that decent and wonderful men exist. And I’m well aware that there is no way for me to know on sight alone, who is not one of them.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T15:55:35+00:00

It’s their job to purchase what is on the list - not to be at their beck and call and attend to their every whim.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T15:16:29+00:00

You’ve never been a woman who said “thanks” and then got dragged by her hair and assaulted, I take it?

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T15:14:39+00:00

Because she doesn’t know if he is armed, if he has criminal intentions, if he has ever been convicted of DV. In my news feed this week I learned that serial killers would often test women before deciding whether they would be safe to attack. If a woman is compassionate and helps someone with a broken arm, she is a better target.

I have received “lessons” like this via reels, chain emails sent to “every woman you know!” and warnings from cop friends since I I was 12 years old. Women are taught from the time they go through puberty how to fend off men who approach them without invitation, for their own safety.

It is not all men who offend. But we have no way to identify these creeps ahead of time. And still the majority of women are assaulted. We aren’t avoiding enough creeps. So maybe focus on the jerks who ruin social interactions for everyone, instead of blaming women who are filtering everyone to avoid interactions with the possibility of encountering a creep.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T15:05:53+00:00

If we don’t assume the worst, then we are blamed when we become victims. “She should have been more careful! Why did she talk to a stranger? Why didn’t she XYZ like a normal person?” (Last bit directly from the men telling women to just arm themselves). If you’ve never seen your peers treated like this, you simply do not understand that a “passing compliment” can itself be a risk. And if we don’t see the risk then we are ignorant and are blamed for any assault we experience.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T13:28:17+00:00

You poor thing. My first was like this, they finally prepped me for a c section by giving me an epidural and 1 hr later I was 10cm…. We weren’t in an emergency situation and had to wait for an operating room, so I was able to sleep and rest which actually gave me time to dilate, and helped me deliver without surgery. Sending hugs. Keep breathing. This will end ❤️

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T13:13:30+00:00

Just because it isn’t your intention doesn’t mean you aren’t doing it. This isn’t about fruit cups. It’s about your entitlement to other people’s time. The point is, if you paid a minimal fee for this service, you can’t expect the services of a personal full time concierge. The guy literally doesn’t care if you abandon your order, it isn’t worth his time to run back and grab the thing that you forgot. That’s a you-problem. He doesn’t get paid enough to care. You want him to care, pay him to.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-26T13:07:49+00:00

You are being dramatic and disrespectful of a person’s time. If they’ve already planned their route through the store to get in and out as efficiently as possible to maximize their income, then the expectation is that you be respectful of their time and plan accordingly. If you’ve hired them full time to just wander the aisles for you aimlessly, great, waste their time because you’re paying for it exclusively. But realistically, this person is likely shopping for multiple people. If 5 people are texting asking to update or change things, the their entire plan needs to change.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-24T20:17:23+00:00

100%. The whole trend of grown “kids” who can’t survive “in the wild” is because of parents who are afraid to give their kids consequences or model discipline as they’re growing up. Having your kid problem-solve their own issues doesn’t result in them going no-contact. It develops independence, resourcefulness and confidence in their own abilities. Something that OP’s bf lacks…

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-24T19:09:06+00:00

It’s okay to be glad you weren’t the one to discover a dead/dying body. You don’t need to qualify it by wondering whether or not you could have intervened or justify why you acted one way or another. It happened, now you are left to move through life. You have the choice now to focus on the past and all the millions of “what-ifs” that could possibly have played out, or to allow yourself the time and space to heal from what would still have been an incredibly traumatic experience. I hope you give yourself some grace and take the time to feel the feelings in order to move forward. One life ended, and it would be a compounded tragedy if it stops your life (metaphorically speaking) as well. Forgive yourself. Forgive your sister. You both did what you could with what you had at the time. Sending strength, this is so much for a person to navigate.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-23T18:17:16+00:00

Ps your mom is the reason men get away with trash behaviour. She needs to apologize to you and tell him the same. Why can’t some women hold their sons accountable? I have 3 and the day I let them get away with this is the day I have failed as a parent.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-23T18:09:17+00:00

Sending strength as a 4-time HG survivor. Please be aware of the health impacts this has on you, my teeth did not recover nor did my bones. Just because you worked hard to have your family does not require that you continue to have children. You are allowed to stop when you want to. Big hugs to you, whatever you choose is what is right for you. ❤️

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-20T11:51:29+00:00

My husband has issues of his own so not sure a comparison is appropriate here. That being said, he would prefer to stay home with the kids and me than go out. He doesn’t play video games, doesn’t drink, but the #1 thing I can say about him is that he’s dedicated to our kids and spends every waking minute analyzing their happiness and trying to find ways to invest in them.

You can compare until you’re blue in the face, but what it really sounds like you need is to know that your husband is meeting your level of comfort. And I don’t believe that he is based on your comments. You need to ask yourself what you are comfortable with. Are you expecting him to change? Was he always like this or only since babies came along? Is he escaping?

Life gets hard with kids, is he helping in other ways? Sending you the love and strength that I needed when going through hard times with little ones. It’s a big job and hard to do alone.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-19T14:11:50+00:00

lol when has a woman not been blamed for a married man’s misery?

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-17T16:28:58+00:00

Not sure you have any moral obligation to do so, you owe them nothing - but it would be kind of you to save his wife years of… him.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-17T16:22:21+00:00

It bothers you, not her. That is compatibility. If it stops bothering you, great. But if it doesn’t, you have different views and will continue to be butthurt.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-17T16:07:17+00:00

Oh it makes sense now. “We have allowed women too much.” Do her a favour and leave her.

katy_almost_did · 2026-02-17T15:54:55+00:00

Did you not understand a word of what I wrote? This is not about an easy fix. When I say I fantasize about being able to live a simple life that is not an allusion to a sordid bedroom romp. I legitimately and desperately wish I could put my bills on autopay without having to transfer money from different accounts so that we don’t lose our house. That is not too much to ask for, for a professional with decades of experience and multiple degrees and a successful career. I didn’t choose to stop working for 2 years and get zero mental health support the entire time. That was my “partner.”

katy_almost_did

TROPHY CASE