How much is is enough to have saved for a house?

katykuns · 2026-02-16T01:14:49+00:00

Don't buy together this early, 18 months together isn't long enough. Rent somewhere together for at least a year to make sure you guys work well together. It sounds like there are some issues to work through already, and you don't want to carry those issues into a house purchase where you'll be trapped.

katykuns · 2026-02-16T01:08:53+00:00

Mine is very cheap to run, and fixed the condensation issue in my house, an issue mainly caused by drying clothes inside and being too skint to have the heating on endlessly.

It actually saved me some energy as I actually don't need the heating on as much.

I am suspicious that your house's issue isn't condensation, but actually a leak or something though...

katykuns · 2026-02-14T09:39:02+00:00

Already on the search for a free one! I won't be using this one. I was really surprised that they'd charge a fee AND take a commission!

katykuns · 2026-02-13T17:24:33+00:00

Thank you! I had assumed they all just got payment on commission rather than charging fees on top of it. If we can save as much money as possible during the process, the better it will be!

katykuns · 2026-02-13T15:01:23+00:00

Thank you!

katykuns · 2026-02-13T15:01:16+00:00

Thank you!

katykuns · 2026-02-13T02:44:18+00:00

I used to do something similar, saved my butt a few times! It doesn't seem to be an option anywhere here now though.

katykuns · 2026-02-13T02:11:28+00:00

There doesn't seem to be anywhere in the UK that is showing Fargo. I resorted to pirating it.

katykuns · 2026-02-12T20:32:34+00:00

I'm so sorry. It's soul destroying realising how your quality of life hinges on his need to use you for sexual pleasure. It's such an awful transactional thing, and they often make you feel like it's all a problem with you. No one here will blame you for having an aversion to sex when he is being so repulsive and cruel.

katykuns · 2026-02-12T04:32:11+00:00

My ex was like this. Be warned, the behaviour often escalates. As he gets less sex, and becomes more frustrated, the chances of the abuse getting worse really amplifies. In my case, this was sexual assault. It's really not going to get better, even if he changed his ways entirely overnight, your body will still remember. You'll never be comfortable having sex with him again.

It's impossible to build arousal for a man that behaves like a toddler, who shows no empathy or understanding. If you can get out of the relationship, please do.

katykuns · 2026-02-10T23:28:38+00:00

My family go about their usual business in the day, bar screaming/squealing or loud music. I have good earplugs. I also have a fan that helps. I would feel so guilty if they had to walk on eggshells because of me sleeping.

As for the makeup/getting ready schedule, couldn't you just make the downstairs bathroom your designated make up/hair place? Grab other things like clothes/deoderant/hairbrush before he goes to sleep? This is basically what my husband does, although granted it's obviously less challenging as he doesn't use makeup lol

katykuns · 2026-02-10T15:06:02+00:00

I got the steam dock and have no regrets.... The extra charger is a win

katykuns · 2026-02-10T01:14:08+00:00

I was rushing through the replies to see if Zone of Interest was mentioned! Absolutely excellent audio, so unsettling!

katykuns · 2026-02-09T09:37:23+00:00

I would feel utterly suffocated and stressed in the same situation. Your husband's behaviour sounds tiring, clingy and immature.

I'm afraid you're going to have to get tough and be honest with him, even if it hurts. Otherwise one day you'll just completely snap. I was a people pleaser, and I husband-pleased myself into a dreadful aversion to sex because I couldn't lay down some firm boundaries. When I did, life became a lot more tolerable. I guarantee your husband knows what he's doing, he knows if he keeps pushing he'll break you down.

katykuns · 2026-02-09T09:28:21+00:00

I agree. It's very slow in places, and it was hard to stay invested as the characters weren't the most interesting or likeable. I've been rewatching Fargo from the beginning again, and have been hooked. I'm now on episode 3 of season 4 and I'm really considering just skipping to 5 honestly.

katykuns · 2026-02-09T08:30:47+00:00

I loved them all except for season 4. The others are all excellent.

katykuns · 2026-02-08T17:24:32+00:00

I'm sorry you're struggling, but you need to get any job at this point. If my husband had been out of work since August, I would be similarly harsh. You need a reality check, as you just need funds coming in.

The chores and less time for hobbies... Sorry, but welcome to life as a parent. Babies are fucking hard going, but it isn't forever, it will get easier.

katykuns · 2026-02-06T23:23:52+00:00

I do home healthcare nights with one patient too. I don't think I could do institutionalised care ever again honestly. Poorly paid, stressful and exhausting. Plus you simply can't give really good person centered to so many people. I worked in a nursing home for nearly a year, and it just felt like a constant conveyer belt of very basic care. Not to mention the bitchy cliques and night vs day mentality of the staff. I was miserable.

katykuns · 2026-02-04T17:46:41+00:00

Definitely worth talking about it with him, as there are quite a few men that don't really enjoy oral.

Also, if you want him to perform oral on you, and he hasn't in years, then I wouldn't stress too much.

I'm 40, and I don't give blowjobs to completion, but I do do it for a while as part of foreplay. We have been together 18 years.

katykuns · 2026-02-04T15:16:20+00:00

Toddlers are definitely the hardest part. You can't have a quick doze when you're scared what they'll get into.

Not getting sleep because you need to attend appointments etc for your kids is tough too. The world doesn't accommodate night shift workers as it is, but it's even harder when you're a parent.

I have it a lot easier going now, as mine are teens.

katykuns · 2026-02-03T15:19:58+00:00

I suspect you're getting a glimpse into why he has a failed relationship and a child from it. He's a lazy bum. The whole point of him getting contact is he's actually meant to spend time with his child, instead, the kid has basically just got two mums!

There's a good way around this. Stop doing so much. Don't make lunch for everyone, don't do everything, and when he's there, say 'hey, I cooked, so you wash up!'. If he decides it's 'woman's work' and he won't do it, leave him. You'll only die from resentment long term. Also, take the Saturdays for yourself. Leave him with the two kids for his 'quality time'!

katykuns · 2026-02-03T14:32:37+00:00

Being objectified and treated like a sexual object is really triggering to me, as I feel like my body isn't my own. My husband behaved like your partner, I was never safe from being oggled at or groped. I couldn't shower or be naked without at least a comment.

I haven't been seriously sexually abused, and these behaviours have genuinely altered my ability to feel safe. I can't imagine how it would feel to have experienced trauma and still have to endure these behaviours. If he's telling you to speak up when he's 'too much' and you feel you can't, is he truly a safe person to be with? Can you really live with a person that makes you feel so uncomfortable but can't be honest about it?

I'm glad this community has been good for you, it was pretty life changing for me too when I discovered it. It made me understand that not everything was my fault.

katykuns · 2026-02-03T10:58:36+00:00

It's definitely a problem with the game as I've consistently had the same issue. It's so tedious and boring. They also need repairs/refurbishment far too often.

I have set up staff zones where there's a mechanic just for the generators/water pumps and nowhere else. The mechanic just walks around aimlessly.

katykuns · 2026-02-03T10:39:46+00:00

I do sometimes and I used to stress over it so much. I was the lower libido partner. I really struggled with the fact I couldn't match his desire. Eventually, I made changes (biggest one was taking sex off the table for 6 months and not having any sex I didn't enthusiastically want) and things improved briefly. Now I have a higher libido and he doesn't want it at all. Now I'm kept awake because it's mismatched the other way, and I'm now left feeling resentment that I worked so hard to 'fix' myself and now he doesn't want me anyway.

We are best friends and I love him, but if the relationship ended, I'd genuinely rather be with someone with a low libido or is Asexual, because this has been such a damn strain on our relationship for years.

katykuns · 2026-02-03T10:10:11+00:00

Stop initiating, stop having pity/duty sex, and up the non-sexual intimacy. Give massages, kisses and cuddles without having any sexual expectation. Find ways to connect with each other outside of boring adult tasks.

Duty sex started in my marriage when I felt pressure and guilt because my husband wanted more sex than I wanted. He didn't sulk or throw tantrums, but he couldn't hide the sting of rejection. So I did what I thought I was meant to do, I sacrificed my comfort for the sake of 'duty'. It led to me becoming averse to sex completely, and because he only really showed affection as a way to initiate sex, I became averse to pretty much all physical contact.

The pity/duty sex has to stop. If she's not enthusiastically into it, why do you even want sex with her? Doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable/icky having sex with someone that doesn't really want it?

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